jillianne

Kevin, I had been doing the same. For the past few weeks after losing my husband I had started my morning with half a bottle of white wine. Then sitting on the balcony until it would get too hot to be outside (austin, texas). Something about being inside our house in the mornings, it now being so quiet, was just impossible for me. Next week, I will start going to the gym first thing in the morning instead. As I had been doing for the past year until the day he went into cardiac arrest unexpectedly at age 30, 4 weeks ago

scba, Thank you! It is reassuring to hear I am not alone in having these feelings. Two months ago I was getting mad at him for spilling red wine on the sofa and calling me to much at work to tell me jokes. Now I would give anything for those concerns. I feel like no one really knows how to talk to me and are walking on egg shells which is even more isolating. We had been sitting on the sofa on a saturday night here in Austin watching tv when he went into cardiac arrest. It was like since then my future just froze and I've had a hard time watching everyone elses around me keep moving forward while I feel derailed and want them to be derailed too.

I recently lost my husband of a year unexpectedly at age 30. Im 32 and now having an impossible time hearing anyones good news about their weddings, or getting pregnant. As soon as anyone has good news about their own life I feel myself hoping something bad will happen and take it from then. I never used to feel this way before,I was happy for others to be happy, but now I am angry and feel like I wont ever get the best friend/baby/family/house life I always dreamed of and finally found, that I now watch them having. Then comes the dying alone panic attacks and feeling worse for not being able to be happy for anyone. Is this normal?