My mom has passed away quite recently (Sep) very suddenly also from a heart attack. She was very young, 47. I don't know the age of your children, but I can give you the perspective of a 28yo daughter/sister. I feel very lost of course not only because I lost my mother, but also the model she was for me. All the experiences mother/daughter that were stolen from us. I also feel very sad for my father who lost the love of his life at age 51. He was also blaming himself. What if he had paid more attention to her father dying at age 37 of heart attack, what if he had paid more attention to her medical exams related to a previous thrombosis. And it just broke my heart to see the desperation in his eyes and his voice. I just couldn't bear the fact that he was not only grieving, but also feeling guilty. And I just felt that it was not right to him, there was no reason. They made lots of exams and she was always in the doctors for other reasons, but this stupid heart attack couldn't be prevented. It was fast and someone even told me that this kind had a minimal chance of recovery even if she was already in the hospital, let alone having to wait 15/20 min for the ambulance. I don't know the circumstances in which you feel that you need to blame yourself, but I think that it must just complicate things and might make your children nervous for you. I've come across this and found it very interesting: http://lisabadams.com/2011/02/07/from-a-psychologists-perspective-guilt-vs-regret/ Also, I see that my father makes an enormous effort to show to me that he's doing ok, because he knows I'm crying everyday still... and I just wish to let him know that it's ok for me to see him sad. It won't hurt less if he's a superman. Of course is good to see that he's functioning, like you said, in everyday tasks, in taking care of himself and practical things, but it's also ok if he just want to cry a bit. I see both my brother and father trying hard to be strong because I'm not afraid to show my feelings, so I just keep telling them it's ok to also come to me when they don't feel good. You said your job is to help your children to get through this, but you're also a wife who needs time to process, who need to be taken care. I think you're stronger when you are open to each other. Don't be afraid to receive their love. Maybe nothing that I said applies to you, so just let me know if you need to know something else from a daughter perspective. My sincere condolences and a big hug
