Dear Kim, I'm also really glad to have found this site. It does help to know others are out here. I'm not really sure if my Mom knew she was dying, but on some level, she did. About a year before she died, she was diagnosed with suspected Alzheimer's. Later, some of her doctors changed their minds, but she definitely wasn't herself towards the end. My sister demanded we not tell Mom about the diagnosis, feeling that she would commit suicide if she knew. Mom knew there was something wrong with her, though. She fell and broke her hip in Oct., and never really recovered after that. Physically, she healed quickly, but refused to walk for fear of falling. My sister refused to allow her to use a walker, feeling that that would encourage her to remain weak, and since she was in Phx. and visiting Mom daily at the rehab center, I didn't fight her. Mom got more and more dependent and isolated over the following weeks, and eventually needed someone with her all the time she was awake or she panicked. The doctors put her on some antipsychotics to calm her, but they really threw her for a loop. She had a severe reaction to them and went downhill rapidly after that. By the time she died in Dec., she was delusional half the time, and just wanted it to stop. As hard as that was, in a way it helped to know she was ready, if not completely aware. Most of her "visitors" were dead friends, pets, and relatives. I take that as a sign she knew and was preparing herself. When I do my fun activity, I often do it alone just because everyone else is busy, but not always. Today a friend and I went on a hike in Saguaro Monument. It was really hard to do something alone at first. I didn't feel right doing something just for me, and I thought I'd be the only one by myself. My husband works long hours and travels a lot ( he just left again) and my daughter is the only one left at home. She is not generally exited about mother-daughter activities, being very 17 just now. I pretty much had to try it alone. You might try it sometimes. I often end up chatting with someone and having a nice time. It always makes me feel better. Having a break in your routine is very cheering. Take care of yourself! I'll be thinking of you.