MyMB

Thanks to all of you. I'm going to do my best to take advice from people that know exactly what their talking about. It all makes sense.

Went to the doctor yesterday when she ask about my appetite I had to tell her that since I've lost my wife I don't have one. I eat because I have to. The I broke down and cried. I don't want to be a burden to my family but it's obvious to me that nobody knows how I really feel. I just wait for everyday to be over.

Brad. Thank you for those thoughts It's exactly how I feel. I think of Mary Beth all day every day. She constantly visits me in my minds eye. I'm going to go back to work part time next week and I hope I can keep myself together. I've seen how uncomfortable I make people. I walk my dogs and watch TV. Doesn't matter what I watch It's like It's just something for my eyes to look at while I wait for another day to be over. And I'm sad when some one asks me if I'm planning on meeting some one new. I think how can you be so unfeeling. Would you be thinking of other women when your wife passed away only 7 months ago?I've been married for 35 years and I don't want any one but the woman I will always adore.

7 months for me. Mary Beth was always the one that did most of the talking and I liked it like that. We felt the same about almost everything so her opinions were mine too. I keep her robe laid out on her side of the bed don't know why but it's very important to me to see it there and touch it when I roll over. I have both of her phones the old and new one. I keep them charged so I can look at all of the text messages we have sent to each other for years. I'm lucky she never deleted anything. It makes me feel like I'm talking to her again and I can relive those moments. Can you bring a pizza home for supper, have you talked to Brad he's having problems again,bye love you. Like retracing our life in text.She was the rudder on our ship of life. My daughter is moving to a new apartment and she needs a dresser, I've decided to give her Mary Beth's. I know it's going to be hard to do.I haven't moved anything in our bedroom. I hope I can do this. My daughter is happy to have something that belonged to her Mom and I know it will be something she will appreciate. I'm trying to be able to function again but when you feel like your half of what you were I guess I shouldn't expect much. One day at a time is what I tell myself.

I think I know how you feel. I keep fresh carnations, her favorite flower, next to her. It makes me feel like I'm still doing something just for the woman I adore.

It's been 7 months now. The beautiful woman i adore. She"s so selfless always thinking about others especially about her kids. We were never able to hold on to much money. The extra we had always went to our kids in one way or another. We have 3 kids all in their late twenties all trying to get by. It would go for help with car repairs, help with bills when they got in trouble, help with school, always help for something. And that was okay with us especially Mary Beth. Her kids were the utmost important thing in her life. So we never had a car that was newer than 10 years old. We didn't have a lot of material things as much as I tried to get her to get some nice things for herself we needed to save in case of an emergency. Vacations were camping she never flew in an airplane she would try not to go to the doctor even with my begging. Save money. Money money money. We were still happy and love each other very much. Now that she's gone I get the insurance money. Quite a bit. I know she wants me to have it and wants me to use it to help our kids even though their all doing better now. I feel so guilty. When the bills came we would have to decide whom to throw a bone to. Not any more, I get to live without the money concerns we had together. I won't have a problem. I can't get over the guilt I feel that she had to die so I could live comfortably. It"s not fair I feel like giving it all away. I feel like I don't deserve this. Even though I know this is what she wanted it's hard to deal with this guilt and the loss of the woman I adore. The loneliness is bad enough. I can't think of her without crying. 35 years. So I don't cry, I try not to think about her and I feel guilty about that. I have to think about her and all that she went though. All the pain and suffering. The doctors and uncaring staff. The mistakes they made that made her life worse her pain worse. I've gone though a box of kleenex just writing this. Thanks for letting me be somewhere that I can.

My wife of 35 years passed 7 months ago. I'm new to this forum. For the past few days I've just been reading everyone's comments. I feel like a lot of you do. I'm so lonely even though my son has moved in with me. He works so he's gone most of the time. But the loneliness I'm feeling is because the woman I adore isn't here to give me her opinion or to talk about our kids or to tell me I'm loading the dishwasher wrong. I cry every time I even think about her. Which means pretty much all day. I've noticed that my kids seem to have been able to move on so I try not to burden them with how I'm feeling because I don't want to bring them down. We found out about the cancer in late April last year and by August 13 she was gone. Between the doctors visits in and out of the hospital trying my best to do home care and the the last 2 weeks in hospice. It all went so fast. I have no idea what"stage" of grieving I'm in. All I know is I miss the woman I adore. I'm not writing this because I want anyone's sympathy. I know you are all hurting too! I just wanted to write something down. The thoughts that never go away. I have to hope I will see her again. Now that's what keeps me going. I don't know if I was supposed to write something here or somewhere else.Maybe some one can tell me. If I've interrupted this on going conversation I apologize.