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Grief Healing Discussion Groups


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  • Birthday 12/22/1948

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  • Your relationship to the individual who died
  • Date of Death
  • Name/Location of Hospice if they were involved:
    sherman house/phoenix, arizona

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  • Your gender
  • Location (city, state)
    scottsdale, arizona
  • Interests
    Kathy taught me how to love and will remain in my heart for all time. Only because of what she taught me can I love once again.
    I am Patty's biggest fan. She teaches me courage.

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  1. And now the tenth. This year seems a bit different. Perhaps because of Covid which Patty and I contracted yet came out clean on the other side. This year seems harder than last for why I do not know. It just does. The memories of this day are as clear as if it just happened, every little detail. To all my friends here I hope for the safest travel through it and the strength to get past the bad anniversaries.
  2. Today would would be my 23rd anniversary married to Kathy although only fourteen we spent physically together. It also is the 7th anniversary of my dad's death. Always a strange day as I remember how the day my dad passed in a Hospice home I went out to dinner anyway by myself to be with Kathy for it just didn't make sense to let it fall under more grief when it should be a happy time or in the case of being widowed, at least a reflective one. It was a good dinner at one of her favorite restaurants and now I think how strange that I would be involved in a restaurant myself. Ever since I met Patty I have gone out to dinner just the same and shared loving stories as we do on her anniversary in November. We talk about their beautiful lives and how much they affected us and so tonight we shall do the same. This time however we will be doing it at home and I already know how Patty is planning a special night of it with munchies and wine and we will light a red candle for Kathy's favorite color. What strange days indeed. You can't even grieve without some kind of restriction. But... you know the grief does soften after many years just like I used to predict and still we will never cease to honor them. I will have tears yes but smiles too and that is the best I can hope for. Here is to you my love and to you Dad I know you both read everything I write. You always have.
  3. Laurie this is such a critical time for you. Shock kind of seems an understatement. Kay has a very good suggestion about the grief counselor and I hope you can begin researching this. It saved my life and a lot of others on this site. And Kay you certainly have it right. So many years later and still they remain in us, around us and through us. I should add that even though I have found love again my love for Kathy remains quite real. It is a gift like no other.... even with the sorrow. We are glad you found this place Laurie and if you find yourself as I did , unable to sleep, log on and read. You not only will discover that you are not alone but there is a wealth of knowledge and information available to you as you travel this grief's journey.
  4. From the beginning of my Grief's Journey I have always been affected by the loss others were going through. I know we all have had such feelings when we know all to well what must be going on inside that other persons heart. I stated once before that it is like being in a lifeboat with others who are grieving watching our ship sink in front of us. Once again this is hitting me as I now know people who have died from this virus and another who is quite sick and I think of their families and loved ones who couldn't even be with them when they died. I think this is a new kind of grief that happens when you are a veteran of sorrow and old wounds are sensitive to the touch. Once again I am made aware of the fact that I am not the same. I will never be the same. I am a person of grief who sees the world in a very different way.
  5. I just wanted to share some feelings I have had lately. I am not sure if it is just this crazy time we are living in or if I simply feel a connection with Kathy as perhaps she stays close enough to let me know she is there. If I were younger I might feel quite stressed about my future but living with Patty for three years now has changed me a lot. Yes our third anniversary is just a week away and while it seems like only yesterday so much has happened that I wonder if Kathy even recognizes me. I don't get back here often enough so some of you may feel like I have moved on and found happiness anew but that is not totally accurate. Oh yes I have found new happiness and love like I can never explain but the pain of loss remains still. It can grab hold of you when you least expect it and I am happy to be able to share that with Patty who has similar episodes as well. I guess we are lucky the two of us to have that. That "One day at a time" thing still plays out in my life only it really goes fast. I never thought I would still be working at 72 but at least I can. I think I must like what I do. The point is that even with so many changes and life moving on, I still know the grief is always my companion and perhaps we have become friends. Do I still cry sometimes? You bet although not too often but there is joy as well thanks in no small part to the new angel that slipped into my life. From that day Feb 17, 2011 my life changed more than I ever thought possible. It shall never be recovered. The past can never be the present or the future, kind of like living in a post virus world. Will we ever look at daily routine the same? Will I ever forget to wash my hands like I do now? Will I ever go to happy hour and feel secure again? John Lennon said it. "Strange Days Indeed" Funny thing though how my business is booming and I am not even open but by appointment only and masks are required. Maui Pasta is even doing better than before... being closed except for take out. "Strange days Indeed. And still I miss her. I always shall.
  6. I would like to participate as well Marty and will contact him.
  7. It truly hit home today. Last month was the ninth anniversary of when Kathy left. Seems like a long time but yet it also seems like yesterday and today would have been her 60th birthday. I always went out to dinner to celebrate this wonderful day but now I cannot. As we all know restaurants are closed so that won't be happening. Patty and I will just have to light some candles, put on Kathy's music and have a toast to my sweet darling girl. I know "It is what it is." but I feel so funky. My own business has pretty much ground to a halt since I can't even get shipments of materials to make frames since it all comes out of California and our suppliers have shut down. As Kathy would always say "It will work out" and I believe that. I can always go to work at Maui Pasta because thankfully we are still busy with take out. A customer came in to pick up a fifty dollar order and gave a two hundred dollar tip for our employees. You just have to love people. Sometimes bad things bring out the best in us. That is something that warms my heart in this very unsettling time. My thoughts are with all of you for I know how hard it is to deal with this pandemic while we still have grief in our lives. Hold on to each other and remember that love is still the most important thing... in this life AND on the other side.
  8. Gwen Patty is doing well having moved her here from Maui. You have to really love someone to leave Hawaii for Arizona. The restaurant Maui Pasta is alive and in Scottsdale for two years now and we are getting busier all of the time. Kathy of course is my bride who passed in 2011 and Patty's husband Ron is as Kathy, still in our hearts and will be for all of time. Good to see you all again and I promise to stop in m ore often. By the way, Patty and I have been exploring the science of the spirit world (and I am serious when I call it science for we mortals are learning more all the time about life after death and communication with the other side. We attended a seminar at the Omega Institute las year in upstate New York about communication with our loves who are still with us. Oh yes indeed...signs you learn to recognize. I would strongly recommend reading books by Michael Newton such as "Life Between Lives" and read about how he came to study this topic as a counselor over many years. Although he has passed to that other life his institute goes on and Psychologists who have trained there can be found all around the world by going to their website. Good to see your words Kay. I miss all of you.
  9. Jenn once again I want to say how sorry I am for your loss. I sent you a message with the contact info but here it is again. The name of the medium I have seen several times and Patty has as well. Her name is Melinda Vail and her phone number is (480) 755-0222. Her address is 7560 Willow Dr. in Tempe. It can take a couple of months to get an appointment but you can be on a waiting list as I did which gets you in earlier when there is a cancelation. Good luck and for what it's worth, she is for real.
  10. Thank you dear ladies. I regret I have not had the time to come here very often as my work and that of Maui Pasta has been quite demanding yet I will spend more time here in the future. Until then I hope all our members continue supporting this grief sanctuary in any way possible for it has saved my life and well may save yours. Marty your tiresome devotion to all of us is beyond,,,, way beyond inspirational. And we thank you.
  11. Simply put....No. Today marks the ninth year after Kathy left and I have discovered that I really hate this day. No matter how much time has passed you always remember. All of those horrible days at the end, they just come back. Even though I am married again and to the most lovely soul I could ever have come to meet, I will always love Kathy and Patty will always love Ron. His demark day comes in just five more days so we share this week and hold on to each other. She asked me yesterday if I was OK. It is truly a blessing to have her in my life because we share that feeling and care about how we both feel and love who we have lost. I am writing this because I know that so many others are going through time without the love they had and I want to express how important it is to go on living. They would never want us not to for we live in honor of the lives they had and keep them dear to our hearts. Hard as it is we must keep going and look for how we can better our lives and those around us who suffer too. I always said I could never marry again for I lost the one true soul mate I had. I said once that it would not be fair to be in another relationship and keep the memory of my lost wife in my home and thoughts. The thing is that when you meet someone who "gets it" and shares what you had everything changes in that. You realize that it is indeed possible to love two people at the same time. Maybe I am just blessed, I don't know, but there it is. I didn't have to give Kathy up or hide my feelings. I just wish I could forget the suffering at the end. That brave girl who had more courage than anyone I had ever known is one thing I won't forget and that my friends is a good thing to remember. No matter how many years pass and even though the pain lessens, keep going. It is the one thing you can do to make purpose of your life. If you can help just one person in any way then wasn't that a good reason to keep trying? I knew from the beginning that there had to be a reason I was still here and she had gone. I held on to that thought as I discovered ways to give back life for all it had given me. If you think the pain ends one day, better think again. That pain is what makes us better souls. It reminds us that we give a damn and in some ways that makes me feel better. Kathy made me a better person just for knowing and living with her. It's the least I can do. I want to express to all of you that we ourselves are grief counselors in that we can help the new lost souls with our own survival and lessons we learned on the way. I would like to thinks that is one way we can make a difference by staying alive.
  12. Thank you my friends. It gives us comfort knowing people care. This event has changed our lives for I never had to deal with robbery before and I have been on this planet for some time now. Now we have alarms and several security cameras installed with technology only Patty can understand.😊 I often hear how people feel violated when this happens and for some reason it just doesn't affect me that way. Stuff is just stuff as Kathy would always say and those personal items? Well I still have a lot more. The gold whale flukes of Kathy's that I wear around my neck had the chain break not long ago and was just sitting on my dresser.They overlooked it which brought me joy amidst all of this. So you look at the bright side and cherish your fortune. Life is too short to allow this to get in the way. I am so not the man I was years ago.
  13. Things don't always go great though because while we are doing better we went out to dinner to celebrate Kathy's birthday two weeks ago and the next morning we woke at 4 to go to work finding our garage door opened. We don't forget to close it at night but we thought that must have been the case. As it turned out someone must have been driving through neighborhoods testing an opener to see if one could work and so later that day when we were working someone entered through the garage door and robbed us. Sadly they took all the jewelry which included Kathy's watches and cosmetic jewelry and Patty's as well. They took cameras and a little cash which was enough to carry away quickly. We can never replace the personal things that were given to Patty by her mom and grandmother no matter what the insurance does and that is the sad thing. People can be so nasty. It isn't the money but the sentimental value. And what did they get but a few thousand dollars that they could not realize would bring nothing in a sale. I still keep the expensive stuff where no other soul but Patty and I could find. Never in my life have I been robbed but it is an experience that takes away your sense of security. Now we have cameras all over the house since the police say it is best but what a way to live and we are even walking distance of a police station. I know Kathy would say it's just stuff but it hits me kind of hard because a lot of who she was.... left that day. To come home and find her urn thrown on the bed gets me. Thank goodness they didn't take that too. Guess it's time to buy my bride something to wear when we go out. 💖
  14. While we haven't had much time to post I just wanted to update how Maui Pasta may be seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. Last week Patty was featured on a morning show at a local TV station cooking for a spot advertising the Italian Festival in Scottsdale this past weekend. It happened to coincide with the third anniversary of Ron's death which was not an easy time for Patty but we were so busy cooking and transporting food that she had little time to reflect. I only know for certain that he was smiling with love seeing her succeed keeping the dream alive. It's a dream so beautiful it fills my soul with joy. We now have some evenings with a full restaurant as we approach our first full year of being open. I can't tell you how proud I was watching her from the shadows at that television studio. She truly is a brave girl. And by the way as it says on her menu "If it's not made with love, it's not Italian food." That was Ron's motto. 20190228_071500_662473685524800.mp4
  15. Happy Birthday Ron! Your dream, Maui Pasta, lives on but of course you know that. You would be 59 today, far to young to have left but may your soul be filled with joy knowing your bride is keeping that dream alive....and that she is safe. Sometimes the tears still fall but today we celebrate your life. You are indeed one of the few good men to have walked this earth..
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