Jaded11

I understand that. It takes a very stromg, confident and comfortable person to be at peace with living life alone. A lot of people can't do that. You are blessed to have had the experiences you have. A lot of people don't ever find their great love. My dream is to be married and have a family and when I compare myself to my friends (something we should never do, I know), I feel like I might never have that. It's a silly thought but it is there.

Thanks guys I appreciate your caring. Raven, I am so sorry for your loss. A parent should never have to bury their child. I feel so horrible for you and your ex. And what a hard time to lose a loved one... right before christmas. I couldn't even imagine given what the spirit of christmas is all about. That is so difficult. Yeah I'm sure it is going to take quite some time to learn to live without his son.. imagining the hopes and dreams he had for him and all the things in life to look forward to. I've read the first year is so hard but the second year is even harder, but I'm sure that's different for everyone. This is still so fresh for your ex so it most likely will take some more time. The important thing for you is that he knows you stilk care about him and you are still there for him, even though it seems he can't handle that right now. At least he knows. When he is ready, I'm sure he will look back and take comfort in knowing that you were there for him even while he was pushing you away. Give him some more time. It sounds like he really needs it. Thank you for your great advice. I wilk start focusing on me and bettering myself, accomplishing goals once he leaves. For now, I'm doing what I need to do for myself while still actively being there for him as much as he needs me to be. Raven, you advised to not text or call unless he does. Once my ex leaves, if he does not reach out to me for a week or so, I feel like I would think at that point that I would like to reach out to him and send him a very light and friendly text. Is it really better that I just wait for him instead? I also think that I might be thinking that I would wait for him to reach out first because I don't want to push him and make him feel rushed or anything. Kayc, you prefer the idea of no contact? So did your ex try to contact you and you chose to not respond to him to stay in no contact? Or was no contact mutual? He didnt reach out to you so you didnt reach out to him? For now, I am coming to the idea of acceptance but Im sure after he leaves, it's going to reverse and that wound will be freshly open again. This is a slow process for me in learning to live without him. Thank you for your kind words Raven. My thoughts are with you as well and we can all stay strong together. Be one another's support team! I think what's hard about living with him still is the constant reminder that he is choosing to be elsewhere than home with me or spend time with me, even going for a walk together. I have been thinking of asking him if he would like to. Do you guys think there is harm in asking him? Maybe even that would be too much for him? Thanks to kayc and others, I have a much better understanding of why it's just me he can't be around right now and prefers to be amongst friends and family. Understanding that makes it easier to accept that's the way it is. Much love and support to you both!

I feel the exact same way love and value him as a person and I believe he feels that for me too. He and I have believed we are each other's soul mate for many many years... longer than we have been dating. I really believe we are. The connection we have always had is like no other. Your ex sounds like a great guy! It sounds like you have a very real relarionship with him, regardless of your relationship status. Thats how me and my ex are. We are who we are and we are what we are regardless of our status. We live in the moment with one another and take things as they come. We are very real with each other. No mind games work for us. I love that about our connection, how real it is. Its really nice that you are still such good friends after 6 years! Your love is real regardless of the situation and thats a beautiful thing to have. I dont blame you for having no interest in trusting in a relationship after all of this. I feel weary as well. All my friends are married and starting families and here I am, failed relationship one after the other. It does make it hard to trust in getting into something real again. I can envision me going on dates in time, but I'm terrified of the thought of becoming intimate with another person, especially when I know my soulmate is out there, somewhere, not able to share his life with me. It's a scary thought. You are fortunate to have had and have the loves that you do. Memories last a lifetime and it's great that you keep them so close to your heart.

Thank you so much for your support. It's good to be reassured that the feelings I am feeling are normal and ok to feel. I plan on seeing a councellor this thursday for some more insight and more guidance. I think it's easier to deal with all of this while he is still living with me, but once he leaves, I fear it's going to be so much harder because I won't know if I will ever talk to or see him again. I think it's good to reach out for that support everywhere I can because there will be so many changes I will go through undoubtedly. How long ago did this happen to you kayc?

One day at a time is all I can do right now. For him, Im sure it's one moment at a time. I guess all these factors will make it hard to really "move on". It's hard for me to think of this process as moving on from him and our relationship because he never did anything wrong that would make me feel the need to move on and forget him. I think it's going to be a process of learning to live without him and that's it.

Yes exactly. It hurts that he doesn't want me there with him. Yes this is a very different kind of break up. All the others have been out of anger more than anything else, but this is something entirely different. My emotions and feelings have been up and down and I'm sure they will continue to be for a long time. I definitely felt the anger and felt worthless and like our relationship and I never mattered to him. I understand that this is not the case at all. I came to a point where I set my broken heart aside because what he is going through is far more substantial than what I am going through. He means more to me than my broken heart. Right now, he and his needs come before my pain. That's where I am right now. That might not be where I will be in a month from now.

Alone and lost, My heart goes out to you. I am glad that you are reaching out to others. There are people who care about you and what you are going through.

Your ex choosing to spend time with her over you because of guilt makes total sense. His mind has obviously not been working in the way it used to and his decision making and thought process reflects that. It's unfortunate that people do change from grief. I guess people are in a different state of mind and make decisions they wouldn't have made before. It is certainly hard to accept that they choose to leave not because they dont love us, but because they can't love us. Thats a tragic loss in itself. Im so glad you two are such good friends today! Really, that's a wonderful outcome! It really speaks volumes of your relationship together and how much he values you! My ex and I have been friends for 15 years and at this point, neither one of us wants that to change. I really hope that if he and I don't reconnect romantically, that at least we can be close friends. I treasure him far too much to ever consider never speaking to him again. I firmly believe in if it's meant to be, it will be. Regardless of the outcome. I am so sorry that you have also felt this pain. It really is so incredibly unfortunate. I would love to continue to reach out here. It helps when there are people who really understand what you are going through.

Kayc, thank you for your reply. You have wonderful insight and I greatly appreciate it. I have talked to my friends about this but none of them really gets how this feels so I am so fortunate to have great people like you to turn to. No relationship talk at all. I messed up one night and it's because it all of a sudden hit me that he was going to be gone out of my life and I feel so bad for making him feel bad for what he is putting me through because he made it clear that these problems are not something he can handle right now. Since then, I haven't said another peep about relationship anything. Good idea too on not mentioning keeping the door open. It makes total sense that's why he can hang out with everyone but me right now. Because they don't have expectations of him and there are no heavy emotions with them. You have helped me a great deal to come to peace with parts of my pain. As difficult as it is to live with him where he is choosing to not be at home with me until it's time to sleep and where he is sleeping not with me by his choice, I have learned to not get too far into my own head feeling bad for myself in these moments. It took me nearly a week to get here and I still wake up feeling that emotional pain every morning remembering why he isn't beside me. I said to my friend that I would give anything to wake up annoyed at night by the sound of him grinding his teeth lol! I am also glad that he is here for another month. I feel like it is easing me into becoming accustomed to the idea of him not being with me anymore. And it gives me more time to be there for him and give him as much support as he needs from me. Thank you, I really appreciate your support and care. You seem like a wonderful person. I will try to keep busy and try to distract myself. Those are all great ideas. And I have been considering getting a cat! Hhmm meditation.. thats something I will have to look up on how to do. I'm afraid if I close my eyes in silence, he will be my only thoughts and the terrible memories of his father's passing. Thankfully he saw his councellor today and he just texted me letting me know he went to his brothers house after the appt because he feels sad and weird after the appointment. It does ache inside because all I want to do is run over there and be there with him.

I am going through a similar situation. My boyfriend lost his father 3 weeks ago and he broke up with me two weeks after his passing because he feels empty and broken and has nothing to give me. He also said he is no longer the same person he was before his dad's passing. I am in such pain for him and his loss and I am in such pain for my loss. It's so hard for me to understand where he is coming from in making the decision to leave me. I can understand him withdrawing from me but why leave? It's such a rash decision that doesn't need to be made right now. I guess he feels he can't turn to me during this hard time and that hurts. I can get the sense of his loss being far bigger than my loss and his head just isn't there right now to be concerned about me and our relationship. It just hurts on so many levels and I am absolutely fine with giving him his time and space. It's heartbreaking. He openly appreciates my support, but I guess for now he is only comfortable with turning to his family for his emotional needs and I can understand that. They know what he is going through whereas I don't. I hope in time he will start to lean on me a little more and hopefully doesn't shut me out completely. I suppose I just need to tread lightly right now as we are still living together for another month. He is seeing his councellor regarding this and thats admirable and very brave of him.

I haven't lost a parent but my boyfriend lost his dad. Two weeks later, he broke up with me. I'm not sure if even posting this in here is appropriate. I can't imagine the pain he is in and I wish I could be there for him throughout this difficult time. I am always letting him know I am here for him whenever he needs me. We are still living together but only for another month. Then he will be moving 3 hours away. Is there any advice or insight that can enlighten me during this heavy time? I am so sorry for all of your losses. I can't even begin to imagine but I can see how devastating this is for my now ex. He explained to me that he feels empty, broken and numb and has nothing left to give. I have read that you should not make any life changing or tough decisions until 6-12 months later, but of course this is not something I can say to him. Thanks for reading ♡