stelly4ever

Thank you, Marty. Yes, I was considering going this Saturday, but need to find someone to watch Brie. Since Stella passed, her separation anxiety has gotten much worse. And she has a medical condition that requires me to keep her relatively calm. So, right now I'm not able to leave her alone. I had also thought about calling to ask if I could bring her with me in her stroller. In addition, I wasn't sure if I'm ready to talk yet... and I've got a lot going on and may need more than a group setting can give me. So, that's where I am with the support group in Phoenix.

KayC, thank you. It really is simple to take videos once you learn how. I recommend it, as I am very glad I have mine. MyGulu, how interesting to hear the similarities between your Gulu and my Stella. I hope you enjoyed the videos and they gave you good memories. I don't watch them much anymore. It tears my heart out to see them. Although, sometimes I will "indulge" when I am missing that connection. I can almost feel it again when I watch the videos - especially when she's looking right into the camera. Yes, Brie is still with me. She is a love and is helping me through this. I got her after Stella and so have only had her a few years. I was reading some of your ealier posts, and I, too, was positive Stelly was going to be around for a while longer. And I figured those thoughts would manifest into reality. But also, right when my Mom was at her sickest, I kept thinking, "At least I have my girls. At least I have my Stella. I am so grateful for her." And then, poof! She was taken away. Right after my mama. That's what I get for not living in fear and being grateful? Truth be told, I'm pretty pissed off about the whole situation. Stella had the best food, care and SO much love. I had recently bought a Stroller for the girls because Stella couldn't walk as much anymore. So, I took them out on walks in the park. Stelly loved it. I planned my life around them. All of that was the least I could do for what she gave me. But, like you, because of all this, I just don't know what to think anymore. I've been shaken and things are NOT the same. I'm sorry you had a dream where Gulu was not well. Do you wake up feeling unsettled? I have not been dreaming of Stella. Last night I had a dream that I was learning how to play poker. I think I would have much rather my night time be filled with images of my girl. And about making it through the day without crying? For me, ha! If I cry a little less one day, I totally make up for it the next. But, keeping busy is a good idea. My apartment is pretty clean! Nikki, thank you for saying Stella is adorable. Yes, she was freakin' irresistible inside and out. The vets even used to fawn (no pun intended) all over her. I totally get what you're saying about not watching the videos. As I said earlier, it's gut wrenching. After I read your post (a week ago), I put her things in ziploc bags. But, before I did, I smelled them. One of them was the blanket she was lying on when she passed. It smelled so much like her, I got sick. There's no way I could have something of hers on my bed. I would sleep even less than I am now. She passed on April 6, so this is all very fresh to me still. I was thinking of getting a Stella clone. I would actually LOVE one. Is there an artist you can recommend? Is yours a pretty good likeness? I still have many vet bills to pay from her, so it will be a while but I'd like to start looking. The vet gave me a good, clear paw print because I told them I was going to get it tatooed. And I am. I also have some of her fur. Can't look at that just yet. Clematis, thank you. Yes, as I stated earlier, I really needed Stella to be there after I lost my mom. She was my saving grace countless times, but this was the most important. And am I doing ok? I don't know. I guess that's relative. Hey, we're neighbors, by the way. I'm down in Phoenix.

Thank you, Kayc and MyGulu for responding. I have wanted to write back for a while now, but just to sit down and address the subject is very difficult. I miss her so much and feel very saddened that her memory isn't as fresh. Her blankets and toys still smell like her. It breaks my heart that someday they won't and my memories will have faded even more. The very last thing I want is any more distance between us. kayc, I've had a couple signs that others assure me are visits from my Mom and Stella. You see, my Mother passed away one month and one day before Stella did. It's been a rough couple of months over here. But, I'm a bigger skeptic with the signs thing and need something a little more unmistakeable - like I've had in the past. And yes, it was just me and Stella for a long time so I was as attached as she was. My Gulu, it is nice to know someone feels as deeply for their pet and had that same bond as I do. I appreciate what you said about this tough journey, but what if I don't want to get used to the "new normal"? I'm just sayin... I don't like it. Thank you for the link. Click here for cute (Stella) pug videos.

Hi, when I found this forum, I read all the headlines for the posts and picked out the one that resonated with me the most - and that was this one. I miss my dog so much it hurts. And the more I read, the more I could identify. I lost my girl April 6. She was my first dog and the best friend I’ve ever had. I met her when I was at rock bottom in my life and she pulled me out. We had/have an unbelievable bond. I say have, because I do believe in the afterlife. Regardless of that, since she left, I have seen no sure sign of her and feel empty, lonely, listless, overwhelmed, apathetic and hopeless. You see, Stella was a pug too. She had those same soulful eyes that looked right into me and grabbed me by the heart. She was my heart. I told her all the time. And she, too, knew nothing of self preservation when it came to being with me. She jumped off a second story balcony to get to me once. I don’t know how I’m supposed to go on without her. She was taken way too soon too. Only 9 years old and it came out of nowhere. She was just limping a little bit because of arthritis. She was in pug play mode with her butt up in the air only days before I had to put her down. She ate that very morning. Then everything out of nowhere hit at once and she was gone. The guilt, emptiness, and heartbreak is unbearable. With a long history of loneliness and depression, I don't see this getting better. I just don’t know what to do without my girl. How can you have such a strong bond with something and just have it ripped away from you? And then you're just supposed to just go on without it? Where did that energy I felt from her go? I need to feel it again.