KayC, thank you. It really is simple to take videos once you learn how. I recommend it, as I am very glad I have mine.
MyGulu, how interesting to hear the similarities between your Gulu and my Stella. I hope you enjoyed the videos and they gave you good memories. I don't watch them much anymore. It tears my heart out to see them. Although, sometimes I will "indulge" when I am missing that connection. I can almost feel it again when I watch the videos - especially when she's looking right into the camera. Yes, Brie is still with me. She is a love and is helping me through this. I got her after Stella and so have only had her a few years.
I was reading some of your ealier posts, and I, too, was positive Stelly was going to be around for a while longer. And I figured those thoughts would manifest into reality. But also, right when my Mom was at her sickest, I kept thinking, "At least I have my girls. At least I have my Stella. I am so grateful for her." And then, poof! She was taken away. Right after my mama. That's what I get for not living in fear and being grateful? Truth be told, I'm pretty pissed off about the whole situation. Stella had the best food, care and SO much love. I had recently bought a Stroller for the girls because Stella couldn't walk as much anymore. So, I took them out on walks in the park. Stelly loved it. I planned my life around them. All of that was the least I could do for what she gave me. But, like you, because of all this, I just don't know what to think anymore. I've been shaken and things are NOT the same.
I'm sorry you had a dream where Gulu was not well. Do you wake up feeling unsettled? I have not been dreaming of Stella. Last night I had a dream that I was learning how to play poker. I think I would have much rather my night time be filled with images of my girl. And about making it through the day without crying? For me, ha! If I cry a little less one day, I totally make up for it the next. But, keeping busy is a good idea. My apartment is pretty clean!
Nikki, thank you for saying Stella is adorable. Yes, she was freakin' irresistible inside and out. The vets even used to fawn (no pun intended) all over her. I totally get what you're saying about not watching the videos. As I said earlier, it's gut wrenching. After I read your post (a week ago), I put her things in ziploc bags. But, before I did, I smelled them. One of them was the blanket she was lying on when she passed. It smelled so much like her, I got sick. There's no way I could have something of hers on my bed. I would sleep even less than I am now. She passed on April 6, so this is all very fresh to me still.
I was thinking of getting a Stella clone. I would actually LOVE one. Is there an artist you can recommend? Is yours a pretty good likeness? I still have many vet bills to pay from her, so it will be a while but I'd like to start looking. The vet gave me a good, clear paw print because I told them I was going to get it tatooed. And I am. I also have some of her fur. Can't look at that just yet.
Clematis, thank you. Yes, as I stated earlier, I really needed Stella to be there after I lost my mom. She was my saving grace countless times, but this was the most important. And am I doing ok? I don't know. I guess that's relative. Hey, we're neighbors, by the way. I'm down in Phoenix.