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Tonight has been one of those hard nights my grandbabies were over and my 5 year old granddaughter keep hugging me and kissing me telling me she loves me and while it warned my heart(she is such a sweetheart) it made me feel sad because Kevin loved his grandbabies beyond words  then they started playing Christmas music and talking about Christmas my heart is very sad and heavy tonight I was talking to Kevin alot today but tonight all I can say is "KEVIN I MISS YOU, I LOVE YOU TILL MY LAST BREATH, TILL WE MEET AGAIN, GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN" I know it is normal I know it is part of my grief journey I know it won't last, I know he is here with me trying to dry my tears, letting me know he loves me how he can but sometimes even with knowing all this it can be overwhelming. 

That has always been my problem I have issues with voicing myself Kevin used to always tell me I need to stick up for myself he would always be the defender of the family I guess I need to learn how to. Hugs

Kayce sometime I truly do want to just tell people appreciate what you have before it is to late but I never do I have always been the quiet one total opposite of Kevin.

Kayce I remember a little while back I was in wawa and this lady was at the coffee counter getting coffee to and for some reason this lady started talking to me about hating her husband and all sorts of horrible things it blew my mind I was like wow granted I don't know her circumstances but that was hard for me to listen to especially since I used to have so much anger towards Kevin and now I can take it back I see so many couples being mean and nasty to each other and that kills me because it took Kevin's passing for me to learn a lesson and I don't want that to happen to other people.

I feel your pain and am so sorry for your loss though I did not loose my husband to suicide I came close to it he attempted many times and I remember how it made me feel and it was very painful, I am sorry that your family is not there for you   grief is such a hard journey, I don't have babies my kids are older but they are truly one of my reasons to face each day, our grief is our own personal journey and we all must find our way in our own time at our own pace, I would say take it one moment at a time, maybe his parents could take her for a little while so you could have some time to grieve, no that you are not alone we are here for you hugs Robin

Patty it is not crazy to still try and share things with Ron he was your soulmate of course you want to share things with him I am sure he is smiling at that mixer , I still share everything with Kevin though I know he can't answer me or have his input good or bad but I still do because I know he sees everything. I am sorry you are having such hard days without much "numb" time this is so hard and yes definitely exhausting life without our soulmates can be so hard, I don't think you should feel guilty for your feelings you are dealing with a loss that is beyond hard  I used to get angry when I would see couple together I would say why was it Kevin's turn and not their spouse but somehow that anger turned to happiness for them  because I realized I was blessed to of had him and would never wish this pain on anyone. You will be in my thoughts and I hope your grief allows you some down time hugs

Kat what you wrote makes perfect sense you have given me something to think about as far as my purpose I haven't really thought about that and Kaycee thank you, you are the woman I hope to be further along in my journey you truly give me hope I can feel your  pain yet feel your love for George.

Muggs  I am so sorry do not blame yourself you did all you could it was out of your control I feel for you guilt is a hard cross to bear I felt so guilty when Kevin passed all I did was apologize to him for things I felt I should have done, I now realize I have nothing to feel guilty about I did the best I could and we had a love few ever find and that is all that matters, I am sorry for how you are being treated I know it hurts,  I guess loss changes people and not always in a good way my heart goes out to you.

Gin yes truly don't worry he is your soulmate and will be waiting for you on the other side.

Mitch I want to thank you to because you have such a way with words and it has helped me so much what you said is exactly it, even though his body is gone I can feel him here with me and Kevin a beautiful poem that expresses it beautifully thank you for sharing it. Hugs

Thank you Steve you have also helped me so much in this journey your sharing helped give me hope and I am thankful. Kevin I to think they answer us in their own way, thank you Jgillen for your kind words it is nice to be able to share a sense of peace and hope hugs 

Thank you George I know for me personally your words have helped me along the way it actually dare I say feels nice to of found this sense of peace not that I don't have bad days for I know I always will and I have so much to still process but it is nice not to feel like I am drowning in sadness everyday that I can look to me heart to find comfort which is along ways from when I first came here and all I had was a sense of hopelessness I truly hope everyone is able to find their sense of peace one day

I don't really know where I am going with this post just felt like sharing alittle, the other day I was out front listening to Kevin's music and my music I found for him and I was listening to Westlife I'll See You Again I was looking up to the sky and my son walked out he said to me mom what if you don't see him again what if there is just nothing, I told him Anthony we will never truly know until it is our time to leave and by then it will be to late to, I told him many people believe in many different things some people believe in heaven, some people believe in a spirit word, some people believe in angels, signs, and some people believe in nothing all of which are ok, I told him but if you chose to believe in something and it brings you comfort and there ends up being nothing who are you hurting no one I told him faith is believing in what you can't see, I am not trying to make this a religious thing everyone if free to have their own beliefs but I feel my faith slowly returning, my believing Kevin has not truly left me that he walks with me everyday has brought me so far in this journey it has brought me a sense of peace when I miss him I just talk to him and I know he is there I can't explain it I just know, once again one night I was out front listening to music this time I was crying I had my legs crossed and it was chilly I felt a sudden warm sensation on my leg I know it was him telling me I am with you always. These are the things I hold on to know his love keeps me going (along with an amazing community of people who understand and listen) It feels nice to be able to talk to my children now without losing it to share what I am learning with them anyways thank you for listening hugs to all.

Peter I and so sorry you had to be in this community for it means you lost your soulmate but there are truly amazing people here who understand and share their pain in order to help a fellow griever I understand your pain. I think to some degree in the beginning we all are in denial maybe even further down the road some people are still in denial who wants to accept the fact that our soulmates are gone and we now face the fact that our lives will never be the same I feel though that we at some point we need to accept it in order to be able to continue on and it stinks. Grief is truly hard work and takes so much out of us,sometimes you just want to rip your heart out to not feel the pain anymore.I lost my husband of 26 years on May 17,2016 I have finally accepted he is not coming back and it hurts and it's scary. But I try to remember his love for me, my love for him and how blessed I was to of had him in my life, he is my angel walking beside me everyday I believe at you own pace in your own time you will find your way that is my hope for us all. Definitely seek a counselor if you need one and please take care of yourself stress and high blood pressure are no joke, my husband had it know you are not alone we are here for you whenever you need us hugs

Definitely Kaycee unless you have been here know one knows what it feels like I wish people would just not say anything if they don't know what to say but I understand  

Butch  I know that feeling oh to well of just wanting to hold them again and just wanting them back it can be so overwhelming at times you have nothing to feel guilty about we have no control over how much time our soulmates have on this earth, I know you Mary knows how much you love and miss her and I am sure she is looking down on you telling you she loves you to and she is there with your even if you can't see her,  just hold on to her love. I hope tomorrow brings you some peace hugs.

Butch  I know that feeling oh to well of just wanting to hold them again and just wanting them back it can be so overwhelming at times you have nothing to feel guilty about we have no control over how much time our soulmates have on this earth, I know you Mary knows how much you love and miss her and I am sure she is looking down on you telling you she loves you to and she is there with your even if you can't see her,  just hold on to her love. I hope tomorrow brings you some peace hugs.

Brianna you are not a failure you are grieving the loss of your SO and most people will not understand that some days just breathing is an accomplishment grief is hard work without people pushing you. You do what you feel is right for you and at your pace I am sorry that person said that to you .It is your right to grieve and nobody has the right to take it away or push you through it you move at your own pace it's all you can do hugs

Brianna things being overwhelming is part of grief sometimes if we even got out of bed or remembered just to breath it is an accomplishment don't be hard on yourself grief is hard work.

You are so right this is what we all go through and yes you do got this that positivity we help you along the way.

Feeds, I feel and understand your painthough I have never lost a child I can only imagine that lost, I lost my husband of 26  years and I know what you mean abou survival being exhausting sometimes it takes all we have just to make it through a day but I have a hope of doing more than just surviving this world I am in now I have that hope for all of us in our own time, I know my life will never be what it was but with Kevin love in my heart I can make it the best I can, he loved me more than I could of asked for and I did not deserve it (long story) You are always welcome to share anything you need to get out on this site it is full of amazing people who truly understand the pain and loss though it is not the same as your husband or son we will always be here to lend and ear to listen and shoulder to cry on. Know that your husband and son are with you in your heart so you are never truly alone hugs to you

Cyndi I understand your pain and feel for you. You are farther along than me I am only four months in I lost my husband of 26 years on May 17, 2016 he was only 47 this is the hardest journey we have to face, I obviously have no idea of 2nd and 3rd years being harder I have read that to I read about being in a fog the first year and it starting to wear of in the second, I walk around feeling out of place without my Kevin it is so hard,but I hold on to his love and his memories and it gets me through everyday I know think of it as I am in love with an angel and he is walking beside me I know I will see him again. Dreams can be so hard I had one of Kevin about a month back and it made me feel worse when I woke up so I actually asked Kevin please no more dreams it hurts to much, but I am thinking maybe I will change my mind and ask for another one if he can maybe it will be different, I want you to know you are not alone and I feel for your loss Hugs to you

Very nice looking car!

That  is an amazing poem it truly explains it all an amazing photo to I am sure he is with you today feeling how much you love and miss him and I am sure he is glad you took the leap to hugs to you

It does get overwhelming and can consume our entire being I remember one night I somehow just told myself I need a break I told Kevin I love you but I can't do this tonight so I just watched West Side Story you see I was so consumed with looking at his photos,listening to his music I was scared of losing his memory.I still feel sad,and lonely and miss him like crazy but is has become easier for me in that it doesn't consume my whole day anymore somehow I am adjusting to him being gone I don't like it but I have no choice I can't have him back so I am just trying to hold onto his love and I keep trekking forward toward finding a sense of peace and yes you could definitely turn holidays to a positive and honor him  I am now feeling that I have learned so much in losing my Kevin,my life is a gift not a given, I have learned that I need to let go of anger and try to help people even in his death my Kevin has brought me life.