Gettingthrough79

I know. .I took a nap and woke up extra sick about all of this...just slapped me in the face. I hope you feel better soon.

I'm sorry, hope you're not getting sick...to top it all off.

Oh, how I miss the cat. No idea where she went...had her over 13 years. Grief on top of grief etc...I know people may get fed up and annoyed with me because I keep mentioning my abusive ex. Anyone who's been through it knows it's not that easy to just say goodbye. To add to the grief we got into a big fight last night. He called me terrible names and told me he found a girl skinny enough to fit on the back of his bike after I helped him pick it out and was promised we would ride it together. That was another slap in the face. Then he told me I needed to "earn" my way into his family. I'm just a girlfriend. I was shocked. He's sick and I need to stop egging this on. It's making the grieving worse. Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Staggering is exactly the right word. I find myself staggering everywhere yet I have to look at places to live, deal with lawyers and real estate agents. One of the other reasons I avoid walking him is because he's about 100 lbs and pulls me every which way. I don't want to fall. That would make everything worse. So, I try to sit with him in the backyard a little, try to make things half way normal. I know he misses her and the cat since she got lost. They were very close. The car accident topped it all off. Completely totaled and I have to junk it. We bought it together and loved riding in it. It just seems like one disaster after another. I'm just thankful the weekend is over and these 2 ex's fun excursions came to an end while I sat here and they were playing instead of being supportive. I expect people to go on with their lives but show some compassion. My doctor and bereavement counselor are the only ones there for me right now. No family, no close friends. For some reason it won't let me upload a pic of Smokey Joe. I'll try again.

Cat on a leash has to be the cutest thing ever. I spend time with him when in the backyard when i have the strength to do it because it seems about as far as I can make it right now.

Thankyou kayc for understanding <3

Cat on a leash has to be the cutest thing ever. I spend time with him when in the backyard when i have the strength to do it because it seems about as far as I can make it right now.

He's about 9 now and the only thing I have left. I'm scared of losing him too. I'll really lose it..I pray he stays healthy.

Two ex's of mine are planning excursions as I sit here in grief and mourning I don't expect everyone's life to stop or revolve around mine but it hurts to feel this way knowing they are going on, having fun, meeting new people, while I can't even get in the shower. It just makes things hurt way worse.

I have trouble catching my breath too. I make it halfway up the stairs and have to sit. My car is totaled so that's bringing more anxiety. I need to get out of my house to do things but then again maybe it's better I'm not even behind the wheel feeling this terrible.

Thankyou!

I managed to sit in the backyard for awhile and eat half a sandwich. How can that feel like such a task?

I have so many affairs I need to handle and barely make it from the bed to the couch. My chest is heavy and I feel physically weak. I've done what I can..reached out to counselors, switched meds, but yet I can't seem to move. Ive forced myself but haven't eaten and find it hard to do the simplest of things.

Just the fact no one, no drug, nothing can bring back all these losses is making me sick.

I was just put on a new antidepressant which I received today, plus anti anxiety medication which hasn't worked since my mother's diagnosis and death.

I've spoken to her. I'm already diagnosed with gastritis, anxiety, ocd, and depression.

I'm shaking, twitching, with chest pains.

He is and I just feel too paralyzed to do that even though I love him so much. I'm lucky enough to get able to feed him and open up the yard so he can do his business. I truly feel like I'm losing my mind. Thankyou...I feel more alone then ever. I feel so overwhelmed. Trying to take it slow but it's so hard.

I just spoke to my grief counselor from hospice. He told me to keep posting on the site. I am trying to reach out although I don't want to move. I'm also very disappointed I don't have any close family left. In one month I lost my mother, my cat, my car, a boyfriend. The trauma I feel from the caregiving and watching my mother turn into dust is unbearable. I couldn't stop looking at her sunken eyes and ribs that would stick out....feeling her tumor through her side. I'm too wobbly to walk him now, but tomorrow I will try. And, I will also try to get in the pool. I've ever experienced such grief. My mother was my was my best friend. We were co-dependent and constantly together. Everything I do, I think of her. I am shaking and the pain is unreal. I also have been doing some reading on grief. I never realized how bad it can feel and the effects it can have one someone. I can't escape it. No naps or talking or getting out of the house seems to help at all. My doctor said it's too new and it won't go away over night. I just wish it all away. I am also having a hard time even making phone calls or taking care of any financial affairs. The weight on my chest is too heavy.

He is and I just feel too paralyzed to do that even though I love him so much. I'm lucky enough to get up and be able to feed him and open up the yard so he can do his business. I truly feel like I'm losing my mind. I can't even eat the past two days.

Most of my family just judges. Theyre really just distant relatives. My whole immediate family died. "go to rehab, get over it, God loves you," My cousin just told me to put my dog in a kennel and check into the hospital. Been there, done that. Just sit in a room and have people listen and say talk it out. I would never leave or abandon my dog. I feel terrible I haven't taken him for walks and can't take him for his favorite rides in the car because I got into an accident. I feel like I lost my life and most people DO NOT UNDERSTAND. They blame my feelings on on everything except my losses. I am just so sick and tired of it all.

Finally allowing my self to cry. I havent done it since her passing. I feel like I lost both arms and legs.

Bombings in NJ AND NY...

She is a God send,