BeeMay

In september, it was fathers day here. My sisiter lives 5 minutes from dad and didn't go over.mum only passssed in january.I was so angry that i sent this letter. now with whats happening with dad, and the fact he hasn't rung me for over two weeks to let me know what is happenign with his lady firend, I am regretting sending the letter. It did it's intended purpose at the time, she started spenidng more time with him and inviting him over. I sent an apology email a few weeks back, but never heard anything., Iactually rang her to find out what was happening with dad, and neither of us mentioned the letter. here it is inits entirety, I feel very......mean, when i read it over now. I was just so down,about mum, and dad being alone, he had told me he had answered an ad in the catholic weekly because was never home or rang him etc, then my other sister rang to tell me that del hadnt rung him at all.so I jsut lost it, and typed away a nd hit send. so ere is me at my worst: Not sure where to start, but not going over to dads or ringing him for Fathers day might be a start. I can't believe you did that. I don't care how unwell you felt, too sick to dial the phone number?(we know you don't feel well,you haven't felt well since.......sammy was born) Adele, You have earned, yes earned the right to be looking after him.You know what I am talking about. Dad has seen you well over the last 20 years, he has given you a good start. Look around, what you have ,you would not have if it wasn't for mum and dad. I know, you have to pay it back blah blah blah, that is not the point, he has got you out of a jam more than once and provided the business that is enabling you to have your nice things around you. You need to get your priorities right. I can remember when Faye and stu sold u the busianess, you had to buy them a present,$130 if i rmember for the water feature, come xmas, you asked me to go halves in one for mum and dad....$30.think about that. After mums funeral you had to buy sandy a present for helping.......did you get flowers for mums grave? .Things like this add up over time and it becomes obvious there is a pattern. How do you think we all feel as a family when we visit you and you can't be bothered to make us a cuppa, you have even said that at times, then along comes a friend,"hey would you like a cuppa? As I said you have earned Dad, you owe him, it's time to pay the piper, and if that includes inviting him over for tea, including him when you ahve a BBQ,or if you drive to Maryborough or Bundy, "hey do you want to come along?' then thats what you meed to be doing. Right now I know that if he died tomorrow, it could be 3 weeks before you found him, unless you needed something before that time of course. I have my gripes about Dad,he insults me all the time, but I cannot bear him sitting in that house alone grieving for mum. Dad told us after everyone went home when mum died he didn't see you until it was time for him to organise the hosue while he was a way.. I know how easy it is to let time get away while you are busy, but hey he lives around the corner not half an hour away.He would love to be asked over for dinner once a week, but he knows it's not going to happen, he heads off at 5.30 or when your friends come over. This year is going to be the worst one of his life, all the anniversaries and special days are hard. He got up in tears yesterday morning because it was fathers day and mum wasn't there. he waitied all day for you to come over or invite him over and you couldn't even ring.Lisa and I both rang expecting to either hear the noise of the kids in the background or have to ring your place to find him....... It's just the same ole same ole really, you have always valued your friends over family. You didn't like to let them know you were haveing a BBQ cos you'd have to invite them. I see you didn't wait too long to offer him peanuts for the spa. He could have sold it for 3,000 in the paper. You should have offered him more.You must be rubbing your hands together. Mum always said you two would get it one way or another. i know after reading this you or garry will say hey theyre just jealous. It's not about the money, never has been, it is about appreciation for the handup you've ben given, and you don't , you don't seem to apperciate anything they've done for you, it's like it's your due somehow. well it's about time you do show your appreciation, now when he needs you the most. next time I hear from Dad I hope I hear a lot about Adele and how wonderful shes is,inviting me here ,there and feeding me etc. I hope the truth doesn't hurt too much but you need to know that your thoughtlessness affects others. anyway you know where i am Bernadette

Hi, i know exactly what you mean.Is there a way of uploading it to say an mp3player or taping it soemhow, so you can listen to it and not startle others? I faced the same thing with my mums msn messenger. It used to sign in whenever dad had the computer on and I couldn't bear to delete it. "Margaret ahs just signed in, made me smile but sad at thesaem time, but I jsut couldn't delete it.It's still there, but dad packed up her computer,so shes never signed in now. to me voice tapes or messages on a phone are no different to a photo album. One thing taht Bindy Irwin has over most of us, is the sheer volume of tapes of Steve and Terri and her family having a great time doing what they love. keep it somehow, I would

Hi again Lori. I get like that too. soemtimes I get busy and I forget,well not forget, but too busy too think of it if you know hat i mean, then soemthing will happen or I will think, oh I have to tell mum that and bang it hits. I think I miss the sound of her voice more than anything. As for dad, he still hasn't rung iehter me or my sister to tell us his plans, he left it to the middle one. My younger sisiter isnt coping with this much better than I am, so we might see her on this site soon too.I have felt a lot calmer about things since talking to you. well I haven't been much help have I LOL but I'm listening

Hi Brian, I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter. The website is alovely tribute to her. The photos are lovely, her little boys are gorgeous. The messages of love must be heartwarming to read over again.I cannot imagine how hard the past year or so has been for you, it's great that you have the info available for any parents in the same position. My hear t foes out to you. regards Bee

Once upon a time in Sydney a Princess was born to William and Margaret Gavin. Her name was Margaret Pearl Gavin. She grew up in Castlereagh, NSW brought up by her parents to love and to care and share with others. She was surrounded by a large family as she grew up, Marie, Bill, Joan, Rita and Iris and Maureen plus many other nieces and nephews, so her lessons were learned well. She grew into a lovely young woman and met her Prince Tom Cincotta. They went partying and loving and caring and sharing all over the land. They became King and Queen of their own castle and their loving brought them 3 Princesses of their own. Bernadette, Adele and Lisa. The Queen set about teaching her Princesses the same loving, caring and sharing attitude that she had been taught, and the house became full of friends and laughter. The cuppas brewed frequently in the castle as people popped in and out. There came a time when the castle seemed a little small for all this caring and sharing. Queen Margaret went to work in the only way she knew how: Caring. She looked after the elderly in their worst days and the Queen shed many tears as her friends left this world. The Princesses grew and grew and became loving, caring and sharing young women, like their mother. They then found their own Princes, Les, Garry and Paul. The castle grew quiet for a time. More Princes and Princesses were born and filled the castle with grandchildren, Tim then Ben, Andrew, Gemma, twins Scott and Jessica, Danny,Samantha, Breeanna and Molly. As the grandchildren grew the house became quiet again. The King and Queen finally had the castle to themselves, but when everyone visited as often as they could, much laughter was heard in the castle. The Queen became ill, but she cared about all those around her not only her husband and children, but family and friends. She sent them her love and shared her castle with them. The Queen could no longer make a cuppa so she got the King to do it. The King, Tom looked after Margaret, running the household in her stead. He took care of all her needs and enabled her to continue to be herself as best she could with her illness. They have shared their lives for 43 years, through good and bad times, though the laughter always overcame the tears. There came a time when God thought Margaret’s message of loving, caring and sharing had touched enough lives to speed her message throughout the land and gave her rest, and rewarded her with an easier job of angel where she could quietly watch over her family and friends making sure they follow in her footsteps and leave a legacy of loving, caring and sharing. P>S Margaret Gavin/Cincotta was well loved. The sound of a kettle boiling will always remind us of her. Please, someone put the kettle on!!!

Hi Don, I can remember in the first few weeks after mum passed, that her computer when switched on would automatically sign in msn messenger.So I owuld look at my computer to see "Margaret has just signed in" Made me howl but Doyou think I could delete her ? no.... shes still there, but never signed in anymore. I think the day to day stuff gets easier, its the shock reminders like that, that I find hard. regards Bee

hi, I can relate to that. My dad made me take mums nighties and one of dressing gowns. I took the nighties becuase I had to go to hospitla and the gown becasue it was pretty and my sisiter had given it to her for mothers day.I had to have a hysterectomey 3 weeks after mum died. It was so comfoting to wear her nighties and gown, I jsut felt like she was with me. I still cuddle into the gown when I need to be near her, and depending on what I want to remmeber, which nightie I wear and when. I was a bit worried hubby would think of it as strange , but he nevr saw her in the dressing gown,s he preferred another one, and a nightie is anightie to him LOL I miss my mums hugs too:( regards Bee

Hi DLG, thanks so much fo r your reply. It does help actually I was hoping to come here and find someone who had been through the same thing ,so I thank you for sharing. The coincidences here are mounting up LOL My sisiter lives 5 mins away from dad, I spent 3 years with them up north, then moved away 1000k's interstate form queensland to country new south wales. my youngest sister lives another 500kms from me. she and I are very close and the middle one that lives near dad, has been the "looked after" one.this is the same one that hates conflict and will give in rather than argue, this is why she is the favoured one I think.LOL . I do want to see him happy and I don't expect that he sit and rattle around an empty house for years. I just think he might be thinking with his dick and not his head LOL I don't know it just seems os fast. I know i will ahve to talk to him and I'm dreading it. He is already a bit weird on the phone,sort of fakey, happy family....hard to explain, jsut weird LOL It's obvious the last time we spoke he rang to tell me he borihgt her home with him to stay for a week and he was nervous on the phone and kept asking how the kids were over and over, anywya I told him I was happy for him, it was great, etc but this has thrown me a wobbly, I tell you. can i ask why you didn't go to the wedding? and how do you feel about that now? how much strain did it put on your rlationship with your mum and your brother and sister? I'm just not ready for change is my problem LOL This said by the woman whose been on tv for moving so many times LOL thanks again Bee

Thanks Shell, I was gobsmacked when I read loris post, it was so similar to mine. Thanks for your rply.I think you may have hit oneof the nails on the head. My dad went from his mums(italian) to my mum who looked after him ,cooking cleaning, u s kids etc and added to that 25 years of night duty, until she became ill.The lst 5 years he looked after her, but he had no choice, if she was well she still owuld ahve been doing everything while he watched tv or gardenend. So it's no surprise to me that he has clung to someone will ing to clean and do his ironing LOL. It still smarts though and I have no idea what I'm going to say to him, because I really feel strongly about not going to the wedding. My yungest sister wo n't go iehter, but the middle one hates conflict,so she will go, and be streesed over it, but will still go,so as not to rock the boat. thanks again Bee

Lori,hi, Reading your letter was like reading my own thoughts. I just wrote abut my dad in this forum an hour ago. what is it with these Catholics LOL? I feel exactly the same, it is the quickness of it all and you took the words out of my mouth about it being a credit to yur mum that he needs soemone, I said the same to my sisters. my dad has spend three weeks with his lady and they are planning to marry. I'm going to tell him that if they marry before the 10Jan, I won't be attending the weding. It's just too much too soon, to excpect us to accept htis whole change in our lives. I wonderhow you are getting on these months down the track, I would love to know how you all got on, and how it is going now. regards Bee

Hi, I too lost my mum this year ,same thing, it was sudden, but because of chronic illness, I guess it wasn't. It's hard. I can't imagine living in mums house, though now some time has passed I would love to go up there and just look at some of the things ,like what we gave her for xmas as kids, photos stuff like that. I too am dreading xmas, we have passed her birthday, which was hard but my family was supportive, and i got past this milestone. I think we are jsut going to have crying days for a while. I think it's normal, I hope so LOL Hang in there, for mea tleast the crying days are getting less. regards Beemay

Hi, I lost my mum in January this year, after a 5 year battle with severe rhuematoid arthritis with lung complications diagnosed as COAD. We almost lost her 5 years ago, with septicemia when she was on life support with organ failure and in a coma.A miricle she survied but the next 5 years she deterioriated and was on home oxygen and rarely left the house,so her life was from bed to loo and computer. yearly she had chest infections, but she always came home. This time MRSA infection, caused pneumonia,and the antibiotics needed to knock this on the head, knocked out her kidneys and so we lost her. To us even though she had been ill for so long, it was sudden. I had moved away 8 months previosuly and so had only spoken on the phone in that time. My youner sister lives near her, and my other sister was on holiday up there,so was with her. I really feel bad I didn't get there, but it was so fast,once they decided she was dying. Becasue we are all over the place and the sister who lives up there, is busy with kids and a business, he was feeling really lonely and answered a personal ad in the catholic weekly for friendship and caravanning. they talked over the phone, he went down to brisbane to meet her, spent a week there, then she returned north with him for the past 2 weeks. my sister had a BBq for them to meet her,as we are all really happy that dad is happy and not lonely.BUT he dropped a bomshell, they are getting married. I am just not ready for this, I haven't come to terms with my mum being gone yet, I miss her terribly. I just don't ahve room for this woman just yet. It jsut complicates things so much. I don't want to be awful and make her feel unwelcome when I finally meet her, but I don't want to play happy familys either. My dad hasn't even told me himslef yet, left it to my sister to pass it on to us other 2. I can't ring him. I don't know what to say without bawling my eyes out. I really can't cope iwth this. I don't know what to do. I told him I want him to be happy, he was stuck in the house with mum for 5 years, he wouldn't go out if she couldn't and he wouldn't take her out with all the oxygen etr it was so much trouble. Thats another thing, my dad is the biggest scrooge, and if he could save money he would, like staying at relatives for weeks instead of motels , dragging the big free O2 bottle to visit rather than pay for a portable that doesn't last long. so for him to spend money on this lady is going to cause big resentment. also if he sells the house(she has one too) to buy a shared one, negates the 25 years mum worked to pay for it, if you get me. she has 4 grown kids of her own, has been widowed for 20 or 30 years, can't imaginae what her kids are gooing to think iether. they are both 70, I know they deseve happiness, but so soon, mums plaque only went on the grave last month.how can he get over 43years so quickly. I feel sick thinking about how it changes everything. Our first xmas without mum is coming up and i can't bear sitting acroos from them holding hands and stuff, just yet. I dread them coming to visit me. am I being selfish? How can he not think aobut how we feel? he took her over to mums sisters yesterday and got an icy reception, my aunt would not speak to the lady. He told my sister he couldn't understand why. I know mum would have wanted him to have soemoane and not be lonely, but I can just imagine what she would be saying if this was bout someone else, she would have had a lot to say LOL I had no idea this would affect me like this, as I said, I was all for him meeting this lady, but it's just such a shock, I feel sick and can't sleep worrying it through, and jsut hinking of mum all the time too, so I'm close to tears or in tears all th e time. Thanks for listening, if anyone else ahs been through this plaease let me know how youcoped and how it worked out. Bee