BeeMay

thankyou ladies I have rung her a few times since i got back last tuesday. rang my other sister last night, she is doing the same. we havent all been "close" like we were when all our children were small. I guess Jess has brought us closer,so one good thing out of the horror i guess. yes we all grieve differently, agree there. I also think we grieve differently for different people. with my mum I couldnt bear photos and didnt have one of her up in my house until about 8 months had passed, with Jess I find myself looking through her photos and reading our old facebook conversations etc and it hurts but is helping somehow. I'm not bursting into tears every 5 minutes, but just generally feel...flat. my sister is at a loss as what to do on may 16 the wedding day. her husband is of the mind that we dont really need to mark the day in any way as, nothing is set in stone and they could have broken up,though that would have been unlikely as i'd never seen her so happy. I don't know, do we just grit our teeth and get through the day, or should i phone my sister that day. she initially had the thought of going out for dinner with Matt(the fiance) and his mum,but Garry is not comfortable with that I think. no idea, never even met anyone in that situation. they are also a little annoyed by Matt at the moment. He could not "handle" some things. like cancelling the lease on the place they have and dealing with the real estate, and packing up their things, he has left it to Del and Garry....like they can handle it,jees. He couldnt even go and pack his own things . He needs someone with him 20 hrs a day, and its jess's siblings or mum and dad. Del was on the verge of saying...wait, you've known her for 3 years and i gave birth to her,how do you think we cope? but its hurtful so she didn't. They paid for the funeral and expected the death benefit from jess's super to help cover it. Matt had got her to cancel that part to save money, so there's only 8k.funeral and costs have come to about 15k,even with my dad donating his plot next to mum for her. (they had family land at their home and stay 2 weeks without putting in much grrr) she had recently started another job, and a different superannuation, so my fingers are crossed there is a death benifit attatched to that. so for 18 days they were supporting and helping everyone else until they went home. funny I never really gave my sister much credit,silly little issues over the years,(which we laughted about as sisters while together after funeral)but i have nothing but admiration for her.any and all issues have just flitted away,nothing is that important in the end. her kids are a testament to her parenting,her home is like a magnet to them and they are there for one another ,it's heartwarming. well,i've blathered on enough lol i mainly popped in to say thankyou xo

Hi, it's many years since I posted here, 9 in fact since i lost my mum. I've been "lucky" since then that there has only been one fairly close death. But this New Years Day, I was floored. My gorgeous niece Jess ,my sisters daughter, one of boy girl twins, 24 years, literally passed out onto the floor and died at 1.30 new years morning. My sisters only consolation is that she was with her fiance and siblings and parents,playing cards after a great night watching fireworks, and they all got to say goodbye.autopsy showed aortic aneurysm. My 3 children and her 5 and our other sisters eldest all grew up together, and although separated by distance as young adults kept in touch via facebook . My middle daughter is devastated. I had to go to her and tell her in person before she saw something on facebook. It is the hardest thing I have done in many many years. I still cry at the thought of this moment, and the moment when my sister rang me and I heard her voice,that something was very very wrong. Even as she said the words it did not compute. terribly, she had to say them again How do you go from planning a wedding to planning a funeral? It was done and it was beautiful, a sea of purple, so many people. I have not been particularly close to my sisters, only phoning occasionally and we often didn't bother at xmas. no reason, just busy with our own stuff. It was so hard to see my sister ..so... bereft, and vague and ..bloody hell, comforting others!!! my daughter and her toddle twins travelled the 1500km to her, but with soooo many people there,other family ,we stayed with a family friend. this proved to be good for Gemma,my daughter. I feel bad i didnt stay at the wake for very long, i found the noise and the people and the laughter overwhelming. My sister said it was a lovely night full of memories and now I wish I had gone back. I also didn't veiw Jess's body at the viewing and am kicking myself for this too. At the time I preferred to remember her the last time I saw her as bridesmaid for gemmas wedding I have rung my sister a few times since we got back, i want to support her however I can. I'm not sure what or how that is. I just let her talk mainly .we talk about jess, the other kids and the back to the grind stuff. I dont know how she does it, I feel jess's loss terribly as the 3 sisters kids all growing up ,were all "ours" not just each others. If it were one I gave birth to? I think I'd be in care. I agree with my sister, nothing even tastes the same, we eat because we are supposed to. there is not a lot of joy in the day to day things. my joy comes from my grandchildren, but not much else,everything else is shades of grey.feel like im just going through the motions. and now I fear, i fear this hidden thing could take any of us at any time. I couldnt bear to go through this again.

reading what i wrote so long ago now. I hope you other ladies have come to terms with your loss. I am 9 years down the track now. It still hurts ,but is manageable. The hardest times are xmas, my birthday, when i always feel weirdly disconnected and sad and the big moments like my daughter getting married and having twins and my youngest son having a daughter and my eldest son becoming a woman. Life goes on as they say. There has been one moment ,that I could say I'm glad mum wasn't here and that was this new years day when we lost her granddaughter another twin, at 24 yrs of age to an anuerism. so sudden. If she wasnt already dead it would have killed her. an update on dad. Dad and Margaret married in the April about 14 months after mum passed. they sold both thier homes and bought one together. they breifly visited and she didnt seem happy. They came down in oct 11 for my daughters wedding and in oct 2013 i visited them for 2 weeks and actually got to know her. The first night was hard, she wanted to not like me I think but I wore her down, slayed the dragon and had a lovely stay. did not see them again until last week for the neices funeral. Dad was devestated and seemed to be getting a little forgetful, i dont blame him, its the stress and the shock. Margaret was gracious, an unusual word to use for her, but she made and effort to fit in and I was pleased,especially as the side of the family that were pretty rude to her at the beginning were all there. I could never call her step mum but we have all made an effort to make it work and dad seems happy and thats the main thing. Sad that its another death that has br.oght me back to this lovely page. I hope you are all well and coping xo

Hi again all, AS you know my mum died 14 months ago(it's gone so fast) Dad is remarrying on 14th April,just got my invite. Not sure if I am attending,not out of spite but haven't got the funds for 5 days away(4 days travel)and now I'm feeling guilty about that. I've come to terms with the wedding,he is happy....simple as that. I find the whole thing disconnecting though,like I've lost both parents.Dad hardly ever rings,he missed my birthday, I don't know where he is half the time,his place or hers or caravaning.He could be ill or die and I wouldn't know about it unless his fiance rang me to let me know. He told me a few weeks back,that he is probably going to sell the house,hers too and buy a bigger one (soemthing to do with pensions and assets). I'm really sad about the house and all the things of mums in there.I've asked and been offered a few things,but he wont send them down,cost too much to post........I have to make a 3 day travel up there to get it....... I'm really not happy he's selling the house and complicating everything.yes its about the money,but not his,mums share.she would be up in the air to know her share would go to someone else......I can just imagine her LOL I don't know how to bring up the subject though without sounding like a moneygrubber. The other thing that bugs me is since he's had this new life,he's become the social butterfly,he never was with mum.He hardly ever rings and when he does its to complain that he hasnt heard from me(or my sisters)yet most of the tiem we don't know where he is.It was 12 months before he gave me margaret2's phone number........I don't know where I fit in anymore and I feel like once the house has sold,I may as well say goodbye to him.... If i try to say anything to him it sounds like I'm complaining and he tells me how happy is is now,how he had to look after mum for 5 years and couldn't do anything or go out etc etc most of the time ,i go day to day without thinking abiut it, but then ....along comes a wedding invite.............. anyway thanks for listening.........again cheers Bee

Hi Lori, we really are leading parallel lives LOL I haven't been here for ages either........ I haven't met the fiance though......... I'm so glad you had the chance to say the things about the insensitivity,I wish I could do, it,I just shut up like a book, and he ends up doing all the talking,thinking I'm upset. It's 6 weeks or more between calls usually.He missed my birthday again. I have spoken to Margaret2 over the phone a couple of times and she seems really nice and dad likes her which is the main thing LOL he has to live with her LOL Its still a bit uncomfortable for me though. I got my wedding invitation yesterday. I think I should go.But I don't have the money to get there,either does my younger sister. I think I will have to send him a letter, and explain that, much as Id like to be there for him,I just don't have the money.will he offer me money???ha......I doubt it....he just bought a caravan and paid for a wedding etc etc LOLOL(my dad has always just paid for something)I can't see Lisa getting there either as she lives another 5 hours from me.It's a two day trip up there for the pair of us,she with a toddler. Our middle sister is only 3 hours from the wedding,so the 7 of them might fill out the pugh a little........the trouble is it's so far away, none of his rellies will be able to get there,theyare all elderly and mums side............well,I doubt he sent invites ,they have all blacklisted him. so I will feel really guilty if I don't go, but short of asking him for the money I don't know how I'm going to get there. thanks for your ears again Lori and everyone reading any ideas welcome cheers Bee

Hi,Lindsey, I am so sorry for your loss and sad for you.I too did the phone thing.It's gut wrenching, but it makes it real. It's 14 months for me and I'm exactly twice your age! I can't imagine losing mum at 22,I'm thinking of the things I was doing back then...... My daughter got her licence yesterday and she was sad not to be able to ring nan and tell her,so she rang my sister instead. I think that is part of how I coped...my sisters and my children and husband. I still think of her everday but it's easier to think about her now. I miss her like crazy but I don't feel sick to my stomach anymore. It's a bit like breaking a bone I think.............. good luck to you,you mum sounds like a lovely lady.

What a whirlwind year it's been.Emotionally up and down. seems like yesterday we were waiting to see if she would be ok, and then the dreaded call, the frantic trip 1000 miles away by train.......... Today I spent a quiet day thinking about mum and my childhood.Talked to my youngest sister for about 2 hours.I'll ring my middle sister later tonight. My son is up there staying at at mums, and picked some flowers from her garden to put on her grave for me and my sister who can't getup there either. no sign of my Dad. He told me he would be home this week as I told him Ben would be staying at his place,I have mums keys.I didn't take notice of the date, but surely he can't have forgotten? I really thought he would at least have rung us on the date even if he couldn't face the house and the memories that day,thats what my son thinks hes doing, hiding from his feelings.Me I just think he hasn't given it a thought, it's just another day, as our birthdays were when we were younger. My younger sister Lisa wants to ring him and tell him to F****&^&^%%$ off, not to bother her again. I thought he might honor mum a bit more than he has.last time I talked to him, he told me he was free now. he looked after mum and did everything for her for 4 years and now its his turn and he has to think of himself now.I just think that's selfish. He has been talked to by someone,because he started talking about grief and how he grieved for mum while she was sick for those 4 years etc, certainly wasn't Dadspeak, someone elses words for sure.I don't want to talk to him anymore really.If he rings I will, but I'm not ringing him. Somehow I think he has realised we mainly rang and visited for mum not for him, and he's gone back to being as selfish as he was when we were young kids. My mum did everything for Dad and us kids ,and when she was 30 she wanted to go back to work.He "let" her but only if it didn't interfere with her housework and his meals and us kids afters school,so she worked night duty in a nursing home for 20 odd years. So when he had to do everything the cooking and washing etc ,we heard about it all the time, but if mum hadn't of gotten sick then he would have had an easy ride, as he does now, with this new lady,she likes housework was his comment about her, and he raves about her meals. So, my mum was a burden I read into most of his comments.Mum used to get upset sometimes about how he talked about her, and we just thought it was her depression etc, but now in hindsight,he did think like that. well thats all the stuff going on in my head at the moment. Ahh this place is wonderful for a vent.I'm just sick of running on anger, and having my heart in my mouth if dad diegns to ring me.Ha that reminds me Lisa has taken to calling him tom, he's not dad anymore,he doesn't act like our dad,so she refers to him as tom!!! okay thanks for listening once agian.Off to think about nice memories of my mum

Hi, again. This is the best place to vent.The people here are lovely,understanding and kind, and they're all working their way through their own "stuff" I find that remarkable in itself. Some people are uncomfortable with others pain and don't know how to deal and hence the "smile" "chin up" comments.they fail to realise that it hasn't been whirlwind,quick experience for you, but because of your pregnancy complications, that in itself has made your feelings more intense and longer lasting,than perhaps it might be for other women. Now that you're body is "better" your feelings are now once again on your baby, that is normal. It will take a while for you to stop being caught "unawares" and suddenly realising you are in tears.This is all normal.You have lost something enormous in your life,present and future and someone saying smile etc isn't going to do it for you. I promise you it will get easier, you will always think of your baby, but it will get easier. Keep coming back here from time to time, it really does help.

Hi Lori, It seems we are still living parallel lives. It's not easy is it? I think sometimes I have come to terms with everything and then.........bam,I get all anxious again. My Dad had the hide to ring me on boxing Day and tell me he had been waiting for my call all Xmas Day(he knew I was away for the day,my sister told him)So I let him know indignantly that he never gave me his number at his girlfriends house. He was all sorry and made me take the number immediately LOL I have spoken to Margaret twice now, both times he put me on the spot, like "she doesn't bite, she's a nice lady, I wouldn't be with her if she wasn't" etc Lori, I feel like I've lost my Dad too, at least the Dad I grew up with. A part of the problem is how death didn't change our lives much when my sisters and I were growing up. We heard that relies had passed on but life was just the same. When my lovely Auntie died ,we continued to visit and for years it was just like she was away,nothing else changed except she wasn't there,the same when my grandfathers both passed.So I fully expected that Dad would stay in his house, maybe join some clubs and eventually meet someone, but basically it would be the same sans mum. Another thing I am having trouble with is my Dad seems different. A small example is Margaret bought him swimming shorts for xmas,and they were going to the pool the next day..........What the??? WE had a swimming pool growing up and in 15 years I can remember Dad getting in twice!Things like that just send resentment burning in my gut. The money he has spent going halves in the caravan, the van being top of the range with air con etc,now when mum and dad a few years back bought a van, it was whatever he could get for a certain amount of money and no more, he would always make do.......he's a tight arse,always has been LOL The fact that he's spending money on her is bothering me and my sister a lot. Lisa said she couldn't ask him what he got Margaret for xmas,either could I.Last year mum got a jigsaw puzzle! He told me he is getting married on April 14. Lisa(sis) asked him if he wanted her at the wedding,and he basically said no it didn't matter as she would have to pay for accommodation in Brisbane,so on that score he hasn't changed, he didn't offer to pay for any of us to come to his wedding. but at the same time he wants us to accept her and chat to her on the phone and visit us if he decides to come down our way o his travels.At the moment I'm happy to keep phone contact and not be visited, it's just too hard. the other problem is my husband, does not like my father,for various reasons,one being how he takes over when he visits and insults everyone as he leaves LOL,he has no idea how he affects people because no one ever tells him.So hubby is taking this opportunity to get behind me in my unhappiness with dad, but when I seem to accept things he is not too happy. Family!! Well only a few days and it will be 1 year. I am sad I cannot get up to visit her grave, but my son has flown up there to see some friends and is going to put some flowers from mums garden on her grave for me. till my next groan and moan. take care Lori. bernadette

Hi Lori, I'm glad I have someone to go through this with,sort of,LOL, don't want to wish it on anyone LOL, my sister and I keep in touch about it,too. Had me a cry this morning, got my xmas card from Dad. Not mums writing.........hit's home doesn't it? To top it off, Dad didn't write it out either, by the look of it,at least they were sensitive enough not to just write Tom and Margaret, but Margaret Judith. Still hits hard though. I know what you mean about the blended family.......I just don't want to go there,really, I'm too old for that LOL Just because he wants to like them all, doesn't mean I have to,not sure what I'm getting at here, but I feel like its being handed to me........here,have this, and I just have to accept it and go on like its all normal.Again like you, I want my dad to be happy, but I don't have to like her........or want to like her, be friends pally pally.........do I? Dad rang me the other night, I had spoken to my cousin(mums niece she went to school with) who went up to stay with them for two weeks.She had a terrible time, feeling like the third wheel, Dad didn't seem interested in taking her anywhere, just him and "betty" (cant call her Margaret)So I had all this negative stuff in my head from her and mums 2 sisters, and somehow dad knew.So he basically told me he was doing nothing wrong, mum was dead and not coming back and he had to think of himself now(theres the rub,but another story LOL) He told me hes had phone calls and letters form mums sisters who have chosen not to have him visit anymore. I don't think he understands everyone is still grieving.It seems like yesterday mum died to us, where to dad the days are endless and it seems like forever already. you know I worked out a time line for dads endless loneliness though.................... mum died 10 jan. 3weeks after funeral and everyone gone home, could stand it and left for Sydney........ back in may. home 3 weeks back to Sydney for uncles 100th........ july back home sometime during the next few weeks writes to catholic weekly and starts letter wriitng after waiting a few weeks for reply. then phone calls to "betty" meets "betty" mid september, stays 2 weeks they both return to dads and have been inseparable. oct decide to get married november went halves in caravan and they are spending xmas together at her place. Have set the date for April to get married(because you can't get married during lent) since father day I have spoken to him about 3 times, I never know where he is to ring him, I don't have bettys number or mobile.He hasn't rung Lisa )my sister) for 7 weeks now........he must know he's going to cop a serve!!! He also told me I can choose to believe mums side or his,that she is a lovely lady and he has not gone nuts ,oh, she has more money than him,(presumably he means shes not after his money)He asked me what my problem was, and I said, marrying so soon.Her company,spending all their time together doesn't worry me,told him from the beginning I was happy, it's the getting married bit..... I didn't want my mum to die, thats complicated everything in my head enough, but just adding someone new to the mix....just like that,.has just done my head in. Ahh I sound selfish now.BAH! I just read your note again...........You hit it on the head .......He can replace a wife, but we can't replace our mum!!! Maybe I'll say that to him next time he rings, which I'd say will be xmas day. ohhhh I've rambled on today LOL Thanks for listening hang in there regards and big hug (((((((((((((lori)))))))) Bernadette

It is a wonderful place, I have had so much help here. recently I had my computer fixed which deleted all my favorites. I was stressed about how I would find it again as I only knew it had hospice in the title, well I googled hospice and clicked until I found it, only took me about an hour LOL.Glad I found you guys again cheers Bee

Hi, my childhood home was pulled down a few years ago,didn't think about it too much at the time, but now that mums gone,and dads "odd" lol, I can't imagine driving down that street and not seeing it there. regards Bee

Hi Lori, I'm with you.It's damn hard to cope with isn't it?It's so confusing. My Dad has dragged his girlfriend to my mum sisters,so they are all up in arms and want to have nothing to do with him, they feel he's dishonoured mum by not waiting a while. He's as happy as a clam at the moment and can't see what all the fuss is about. He basically told me, he has to think of himself now. Putting mums headstone in place seemed to be a finality for him and he basically said to me, mums gone and not coming back and he has to think of himself now. He is spending xmas with his lady frined and not one of us girls, not sure how I feel about this, but If he's not around I don't have to deal with it I guess. regards Bee

Annette, thanks for that, I decided not to write to him, seems he is getting phone calls and letters from mums family already, so I won't add to it. He is aware of what everyone thinks by now. But I've written it in my head lots of times! emmy The letter to my sister hasn't really done anything,I know I sent it, I presume she recieved it, but it's not spoken of. nothing cnaged really LOL but I am glad I had my say, she at least knows how I feel. regards bee

Hi shell, thanks again not sure, I might just write it for myself LOL gewt it all out..........I know writing here helps a lot. I get it out, have a good cry, then read replies, which always help. i'll give it a go.........maybe LOL

Well I have spoken to dad.He rang me during the week. Basically he told me he had bought a caravan with his girlfriend, they went halves. they went down for the wedding, but on the rsvp date, the nut and had to come home again. he picked up my mums neice( i could hear her laughing while I was on the phone) all I could think was TRAITOR lol! they headed back norht with her and stayed at dads girlfriends for a week or so, now they should be up at dads fro the next couple of weeks til maureen(neice) flies back to sydney, then he and his girlfriend are heading off for two weeks fishing in the caravan. He told me younger sister had told him she didn't have the beds for them to stay over xmas, which I had already warned him might happen. my other sister always has some friends over on xmas day which for some reason he doesn't likes,so he is going to his girlfirends for xmas. He seemed a little bit shocked an offended that people are not happy he has a girlfriend."he has to think of himslef now" I told him that me and the other two needed more time before we met her, that while we acknoleged it in spirit, the reality is too hard to cope with, but we did not want to be rude iether. He said he understood, and where this goes remains to be seen,depends how it works out etc, if it didn't work out he would have to buy her half of the caravan or vice versa,so at least his head is out of the clouds a little? at least thats what I got out of the comments. So I rang my sister and told her what he said, and she felt a bit calmed................... BUT now, I went and visited, my auntie,mums sister in canberra yesterday. she reminded me of mum so much, only partly her face but her mannerisms and way of speaking, made my very teary, she is so much like mum. Before I even got in the door, she told me she wanted to speak to me about dad. she is ringing him to tell him he is not welcome in her home with that woman.she heard from her sister(the one he visited who collapsed) about the hand holding and leg patting and told me many stories about dad when we were young, many I remeber but you put that stuff at the back of your mind and it has brought up all the old resentments back again. Although he did all the hosuework cooking cleaning etc for the last 5 years, he relly didn't treat her like a loved one. Mum worked for 25 years and allher super and everything was in the joint account or invested or whatever and when she wanted something she had to ask for it, I am really angry about this esp the oxygen bottle. I am starting to think he was embarrased by her and the money was an excuse not to buy it,so he didnt have to take her out, because even when he got the bottle, we went out once with it. so I'm back to being angry,resentful and tearful and........................ God I miss my mum.

Hi shell, I'm now wondering wether I should write to my dad. we spoke on the phone the other night, and he is a tad upset that some people think he is taking up with another woman too soon.he said "I have to think about my self now",while that is true, there is a lot of resentment about this because my dad has always been selfish and thought of himself over mum. what makes one persons needs more important than anyone elses I don't know.But simple things as petty as who watches what on tv, or what time we left a gathering etc, was always dads perogative.And money........grrrr.My mum couldn't go out while on oxygen because he wouldn't spend the money for a portable, when he fianlly got one, he would still drag the huge one out to my sisters becasue the gas was free. He wouldn't take her out to the club, not sure if it was the money or not, I am seriously thinking that he was embarrased by mums condition, because now he is taking this woman to the club twice a week. That makes me mad, even wehn we were younger he didn't want to go anywhere socially.And the hand holding I've heard about,touchy feely stuff, he never did with mum,even when they were young. I don't know whether to wirte or not, some stuff is going to come out.............if I do...........

Hi holly, I am very sad for you. I have lost 3 babies in my time. I have 3 living children so I count my blesings. But I always remember that the 29th october should be a birthday in our family. This year that bay would be 21.....where have the years gone??? I also lost another baby at 15 weeks just days after telling an excited family that I was having baby number 3. Sadly I don't remember the due date of that one, but I have never forgotten, the feeling of loss at the time. Many things have changed since I lsot my babies. I was working in maternity a few years back and there was a lot of memory making at that time that wasn't available back when.... I hope the staff helped you and gave you some physical memory things to take home, things like a photo, foot and handprints, name card etc all make a difference.To many people the idea of miscarraige is that its over quickly and you get back to normal, but it's truly not like that. talk to whoever will lsiten, I found that it helped, make my baby "real" In australia 500g or 20 weeks means you need to have a funeral, and while many people find this daunting, many women like to have aq place that is a memorial to their baby, a palce to put tresures and floweres etc. If this was not possible for you, then may I suggest planting a favourite, tree or flower and naming it for your baby, make it your special spot. I Know many women who have done this and said it helped them. I hope you are feeling a bit better today, and that your partner is being more understanding.You are in my prayers. kind regards Bernadette

hi linda. I am new here too. If there is one thing I've leaned here is NO FEELINGS IN GREIF ARE STUPID!!They are real and unique to your situation. Not completely unique though, as I have found here, lots of us are going through similar feelings at differnt times. I am sad that you lost your man.The numbers are familiar,My hsuband was 27 when i met him and I was 18 at the time:) you are ?21 now? Maybe you are starting to think of wherre you would ahve been if? feelings. 2 years is nothing. My mothers death has brought back feelings of loss in my husband for his mum who died 23 years ago. I'm not sure why now, I know for myself, after my mothers funeral, I had a few quiet down weeks and then life seem to settle back into its routine, but then she'd come peeking out LOL so to speak and catch me unawares and bang I'd be a teary heap. I'm still like that now, esp at bedtime. i hoep it gets easier again for you. regards bee

Thanks so much.Your replies mean a lot to me, I have calmed down so much from bieng here, at the same time, since being here and reading your replies on my posts, I know what I'm feeling is normal, that it's ok to feel like I do. Also I can cry over others letters and feel for them and maybe what I say might make them feel less alone,like youall make me feel. A big hug each bee

LA girl, I am so sorry for your loss.Your letter made me cry. I didn't get to see my mum for 8 months before she died as I moved interstate, but many of the feelings that have surfaced are simialar. the more I read everyones letters, the more I am coming to think, that all this sadness and grief and emotian MUST be for a reason.I don't know what that is yet, but it can't be for nothing.Everyone alive has to deal with birth and death,so it must mean something. I don't understand what makes people change so much iehter, but illness, medication and life itself affect soem people more than others. some people would rather be right than happy it seems and your dad may be one of them. It's so sad and I hope it gets esier for you. You are in my prayers. Bernadette

What on earth is he up to? I'm scratching my head, really! i haven't heard from my dad ina bout 3 weeks now.I rang my sister that lives close to him, seems he has taken this lady to a family wedding in sydney. He can't be thinking! First he just added +1 to the reply card, without asking. Then he took her to this big Italian weding of his sisters youngest son, where all his relatives including his 102 year old mother will be. What on earth is he thinking? None of these people because of age and circumstance was able to attend mums funeral,and have not seen him since, therefore he is going to have everyone give him sympathy and talking about mum etc, while this woman is on his arm 9 months after the funeral. this is an italian family. His mother wore black for 12 months after my grandfather passed and was talked out of wearing it a second year.You know, the thing his, he is probably going to be offended!! I haven't met the lady yet, but surely being a widow herself, she should have known this wouldn't be the right thing to do, she was already given the cold shoulder at my mums sisters a few weeks ago. Might ring my uncle he would have been at the wedding, just to see what the fallout was! As I said in another post, I am dreading him ringing me, I have no idea what I am going to say............

hi magdalyn You are right about the build up, it's been coming for about 15 years LOL It's amazing where all these feelings come from, they have been bubbling under the suface for years and then bang.it would still all be simmering in the background if mum had still been here. Mum was very emotional since her near death 5 years ago, so noone wanted to upset her.Dad would change the subject or walk of the room and find something else to do,if we touched on a topic he didn't like or was not prepared to change or discuss. A lot of it has to do with my dads obvious preference to help one daughter over the other two over the years. now mumi s not here to........keep the feeling in check so to speak. the s*** has hit the fan.Well almost, it is going to erupt very shortly methinks. There is a lot of unresolved.......stuff........over the years and with dad seeminly avoiding us, I think there is a lot more to be said. that is why I dread the phone ringing at the moment in case it's him. I'm jsut not ready for it.

hi whiteswan, I get what you mean.That was what I was trying to get at by playing "Seasons in the Sun" at mums funeral. Apart from a couple of verses that didn't app;y to mum"I was the black sheep of the family " etc most of the song expressed what i think you are trying to say. If you get a chance, play the song, but expect to bawl your eyes out. I haven't listened to it since the funeral. regards Bee

Thanks girls, I needed that! (((((hugs)))))back+++