curlyredheads

Hi Shell, It gives me some relief to know that I am not alone. I did wake up in the night in a cold sweat worried about taking my daughter today for the CT scan. I just imagine all the things the doctors can find wrong. Wish us luck we go at 10:00 today. Libby

Hi Everyone, It seems like lately with every situation I think of that the worse will occur. For example, yesterday my father-in-law had surgery on his back and all day long I kept thinking that he died on the operating table. He did't and surgery was a success. Today, I took my oldest daughter to the doctor for reoccuring headaches and all I think about is she has a brain tumor. I don't know that as they are running lots of test on her but I cannot get it out of my mind. Then my youngest daughter broke her ankle and it is not healing properly so I think that they will have to operate or she will loss her leg or something like that. I am usually not like this. Has anyone else had similiar experiences after losing a loved one? Libby

Vero, I would think on this one and not do anything rash. I know my husband has a hard time knowing what to do for me. He sees that I am hurting but sometimes finding the right words is hard. They can only say sorry so much. You also have to remember that your husband has lost someone he cares about as well.(I would assume.) My husband feels that way. Try being open with him and tell him what you need. And maybe taking some time away would also do you some good. Libby

Hi Everyone, I dread my first birthday after my mom died getting through my brothers last month was hard enough on me. I cried because I knew they were hurting not having my mom. Our loved ones are a part of us and it is totally understandable to hurt when we have special days like our birthdays. Have a happy birthday, Leann. Libby

Haley, I am so sorry for all the losses in your life. I cannot even imagine going through what you have gone through. It is hard enough to lose one person. Hang in there and keep strong for your boys. On another subject, you really sound like your dreading Thanksgiving and that you do not even have the energy for it. I don't blame you at all. I don't think there would be anyway I could do. Anyways, have you thought of a couple of other possibilities like going out to eat or buying a prepared meal from one of your local grocery stories or doing a potluck. I am going the potluck route myself with Christmas since I am having it here. And speaking of Christmas, having my mom's husband here is not all that wonderful. I love him for loving my mom and for taking care of her but he is extremely difficult to be around. I have been known to yell at him when things were good. I cannot imagine if he does something to anger me now I do not know what I will do. The last battle I had with him was when we cleaned out his and my mom's house and he tried forcing me to give a piece of my mom's jewerly to his daughter. And the things he kept picking out for her was stuff my dad had given my mom. Oh it was hard not to just loose control. Enough about him because I could go on ranting for awhile. I hope you are doing better today. Hugs to you, Libby

Thanks for your caring thoughts. I will muddle through.

Hi Haley, Sorry for your loss as well. Some day it has to get easier for all of us. I too still try to call my mom but she is not there. Her husband calls occasionnally and her name comes up on the caller id because the phone was in her name. It freaks me out every time he calls and I keep hoping to hear her voice. Hang in there because one day we will get to talk to our loved ones again. Halloween was hard for me as well. My youngest daughter squeezed herself into a Halloween costume my mom had made for her. Both my daughters miss my mom so much and it is hard to see how they grieve her as well. But I keep strong for them just as you have to keep strong for your boys. And I too dread the upcoming holidays. Christmas is going to be especially hard this year as my mom's husband is coming here to spend the holidays and she will not be with him. Hugs to you, Libby

Whiteswan, I can relate to how you feel. I go for days feeling almost normal. Thoughts of my mom are constantly in my head though but I can get through the day. Then there are days when I sob all day. It is all part of the process so I let those days come when they do and keep the box of kleenex near by. Hugs to you, Libby

Hi All, My mother passed away three months ago and I am now being overwhelmed with paperwork from her accounts (financial, stock, insurance, etc.) and estate. I am at a loss of what to do with it all as well as trying to make reasonable decisions so shortly after her death. I am still grieving her loss and having to deal with all these accounts just adds to my misery. Has anyone else been in my shoes and if so do you have any advice? Libby

Hi Martha, First, I am sorry for your loss. I can totally relate to how you are feeling. My mother passed away August 1 then later in August we went to clean out her house. It was such an enormous task that I too wanted to come home and do the same to my house so my girls would not have to when my time eventually comes. As others have said get the rest you need and take care of yourself first. Hugs to you, Libby

Hi Lori, Thank you for your thoughts. The firsts of everything will be hard. My father and his wife (my parents were divorced) have invited us for Thanksgiving. I dread going because I don't want to feel like I have to be chipper there. My father is sympathtic to my pain but he and my mom were divorced over 13 years ago so he has moved on. You mentioned this being your first Thanksgiving without your mom. What are your plans? Christmas will be hard as well as my mom's husband is coming to spend it with us. It will be so weird to have him here and my mom not with him. As you said I will take it one day at a time and let the grief come when it does. I think like you I will do things differently this year as well. I just don't think I can handle doing Christmas etc they way I have done in prevous years. My in-laws live here in town and are just going to have to understand and be patient with me this year. Hugs to you as well, Libby

Hi Shelly and Lori, Thank you so much for your words. I do find comfort in knowing that others feel the same way I do. Lori - I don't know how you do it as there would be no way I could work right now. I can even barely get the laundry done and the rest of the housework. Plus, having to deal with co0workers and that friend of yours. Oh my! I would have been at a loss for words as well. Don't people understand that losing a love one is not just something you get over. Libby

Hi All, I am new to this site. I joined a couple of days ago in hopes to find others like me who are grieving the loss of their mother. My mother passed away August 1st after her four year battle with kidney cancer. I am still in shock that she is gone. She was my best friend and I miss her so badly. It is hard not being able to pick up the phone and hear her voice. These last few weeks have been especially hard. I cry all the time and have no energy or motivation to do anything. I have two girls that give me reason to get out of bed everyday otherwise I think I would stay there. I have friends and family who have given me support but now they have moved on and don't understand the constant day to day pain that I am in. I hope to find others here who know how I feel. Libby "aka curlyredheads"

Hi Shell, Your response did make perfect sense. I do wonder why she could not fight it any longer especially since my brothers and their families as well as mine had taken a trip with my mom five weeks prior to her death. And at that time she was walking around a camp sight with us, laughing, having fun, etc. By the end of that week though we knew things were not good as she was having difficulty walking. By the time she got home she was paralized from the waist down due to a tumor pressing on her spine. Then five short weeks after that she was gone. It happened so fast and that is the part I have the most trouble with. My mom and I were very close but there was so much more I wanted to share with her and her to share with me and now I can't. It hurts so much. I also have two girls (I think I mentioned them before) and they loved my mom so much and I think how unfair it is not to have her around to watch them grow-up. Halloween was especially hard as my youngest squeezed herself into a Pippi costume my mom had made for her two years ago and then my oldest was Tinkerbell from my PeterPan, my mom's favorite book. It is hard to see them do things like this because I know too that they are grieving as well. The holidays are going to be so hard on us all. I am so glad though that I have found this site and have others to communicate with that feel the same as I do. Thanks for listening. Hugs to you as well, Libby

Hi All, This is the first time I have written as I just found this group but I can so relate to how many of you are feeling. I lost my mom three months ago after her four year battle with kidney cancer. We knew she would eventually die but the time came so fast once it did. She was doing so well, up talking and eating with family on Wednesday night then by Sunday she was gone. I am still having a hard time coping with the fact she is gone. This month has been particularly hard. I have seen many that have said month three is hard and I am into month three. I think the approaching holidays are not helping either. I am also feeling so alone with nobody to talk too. My friends and other family were a comfort to me early on but now most have moved on with their own lives and have forgotten about me and the pain I deal with on a daily basis. I am crying daily and going on with my daily life is hard. I do have two girls and they are the reason I am getting out of bed in the morning. I have been invited to various things by people but many times I cancel in the end because I do not want to be around people. I just want to be alone with my pain. I am hurting so much. Many days too I am angry at God for taking my mother away. She was my best friend and I miss her so badly. It is just not fair.