A&K

My mother heart and soul is really getting hit with an ache so deep I don’t know what to do with it all. Allen just tried to fix things.  How is the death of Lily Lila Noah and Gracie fixable...   

its not acceptable to lose a child.  My heart is so hurt and lost.  💔😢.  

Our Caleb is in the hospital still getting well. He’s been diagnosed with bipolar disorder.  He’s my hero he’s working so hard.  He’s met a couple close friends in there.  

I ache for the children we have lost.  I thank god for Caleb and Ryan.  

Katie. 

Thank you! 😊

Thank you all.  My guy and I are going on a mommy and son date.  He had such a rough night.  

Your words very much help Marg.  Thank you so much. 

May I ask that everyone say a prayer or light a candle or do whatever it is you believe in... for our Caleb.  He is inconsolable and hysterically emotional.  Allen has been laying with him for a few hours.  It’s past 11 and he’s not settling down.  We are thinking of taking him to the ER if he doesn’t settle and stop hysterically sobbing.  He just wants his Grammy Mary and Grampy Butch.  He’s nine and we are not sure if this is “normal”.   Our hearts are breaking with his.  

Katie

Allen and I just read all the comments in reply to his Dad’s passing.  Thank you all again.  We don’t even remember reading them earlier.  Grief is high.  Memory is hard and not as strong as the grief.  

Thank you all so much.  

I’m really questioning his love right now.  I mean I know he loved me and all of us but it’s really a struggle to not question how much love.  I just don’t know.   But I appreciate your words.  ❤️

Six days before he took his life he was telling me he loved me.  Why? 😢

It feels like the entire world is going on and I’m just stuck stopped paralyzed with horrible reality.  This is the worst feeling.  

I really miss these two gorgeous faces.  Neither I nor Katie have truly mourned them before my Dad took his life.  I wish this all wasn’t so overwhelming. 😢💔

Thank you Marty and Kay.  Katie and I will definitely be going to marriage counseling.  We have out separate grief but we have the same grief as well. 

Caleb and Ryan are our reason for breathing.  

Our chubbers 

Thank you George and for the private messages as well.  

Katie and I are in shock and overwhelmed.  Losing my Dad is like losing the glue that held the family together.  We find ourselves short tempered towards each other.  And for Caleb’s sake especially we need to not become unglued.  Losing the three babies and Noah is weighing on both of us too.  I am in therapy and Katie is in therapy but we aren’t in therapy together.  I think we need that.  Without fearing our marriage is falling apart.  I miss my children so much it’s incomprehensible and I miss my Dad so much that it just seems so not real.  And I’m waiting in essence for the next bad thing to happen because we’ve been hit back to back to back to back.  I keep going to what would my mom do if she were still here.  Even in grief she’d make it better.  That was just her nature.  Sorry for complaining here.  Things are just so tough.  

Allen

Ryan looking so much like Gracie   

I’m just trying to wrap my head around my Fathers suicide.  I can’t escape what o witnessed.  

I can’t believe this has happened.  I can’t believe I found my dad like I did.  I will never forget that image.  It is horrifying.  One has no idea unless they’ve experienced it.  I’m his son. He could have come to me.  I would have helped him.  Now it’s all gone.  And there are no words. Nothing is left.  😢

Allen

Thank you for the resources Marty.  I’ve started reading them.  The one about how to tell a child involves telling a nine year old boy as well.  We told Caleb.  We were very honest with him.  

Kay,  I see how losing a spouse effects the entire family unit.  

Allen. 

We’re so very sorry that my Dad left so many selfless loving friends here on this forum.  Each of you... we are so sorry for your loss in this.  

Allen and Katie 💗

I’m Allen.  My Dad committed suicide early yesterday morning.  He was pained with the loss of my Mom, our twin girls, our 12 year old son, and our 1year old daughter.  I don’t know if anger is supposed to be the first feeling but I’m angry.  Katie and I have had to cope with our losses too.  I don’t know.  I just don’t know.  Everyone here has been super supportive.  

Gwen,

thanks for sharing.  My FIL meant his words in his own way.  I pray that his trying to help you will resonate with you.  I’m sure he was trying to help.  

Katie

Thank you all for your prayers and love.  It helps that so many loved my Dad.  

Allen

Thank all of you for supporting my Dad and being a friend.  I know it meant a lot to him.  

I’m very sorry to have to tell you he’s gone. But I want to stress to everyone that ITS NOT YOUR FAULT IN ANY WAY.  

Allen. 

Thank you all.  This is Katie, his DIL.  Allen wanted to come here but he’s having a bad time and our son Caleb is being very clingy and upset.  Gwenivere, can you share what my FIL said?  

Katie