Barnabas17

I love that you are beginning to see "clearly" and that you have your family's love and support. I love that you have been laughing and enjoying life (in spite) of this break up. There's a BEAUTIFUL life ahead for you and this is a fraction of your journey! YOU have the potential so SOAR! I was a caterpillar and through all of my brokenness, God turned me into a Monarch! You will be one too....soaring with strength, courage and true identity! Remember that you are fearfully and wonderfully made!

I feel your broken heart from here. I'm so sorry that this is your journey for now! I'm 54 and have experienced several broken hearts. My first love deeply wounded me and I was caught off guard. My next did the same and the one after that. Relationships have more so to do with getting to know the person, over time as well as their family interactions, and sharing the good and the bad together. We can (unfortunately) have two different perceptions of how we love and (assume) that we're loving one another in the exact same way! That is impossible. We have so much stuff from our past and have no idea that we bring {it} to every single relationship until it is 100% confronted and dealt with. That outcome is what will sustain a relationship. I'm sorry the passing of his dad took him in the opposite direction of "your relationship" and yes, he could have handled it quite differently. BUT he is for now, showing you that he's wanting something different. Maybe hardships causes him to flee and or shut people out! Putting your life on hold for him would lead to resentment and also cause you to miss the "blessings" that GOD has for you in the now in being completely present. We oftentimes think we know people and "unfortunate" circumstances reveal who we really are and how we handle the "tough" seasons in life. My ex husband whom I adored, eft me saying he was no longer happy. I'm grateful that you had a year in and can hopefully reflect and see how you may have missed some signs. Looking back, I see where we (my ex and I were not in agreement and how I saw some flags, but because of LOVE, I overlooked them). He too told me that he's never leaving me and how truly happy he was. Maybe this time is where God wants you to focus on your studies and look at how your identity may have unknowingly been too attached to him. YOU are going to be loved again and you are going to be free from the fear of losing it. I'm sorry for his loss and the (unspoken thing) that happened in your family. God restores brokenness and longs to be the ONE we ultimately place our faith in. You will be in my prayers beloved.

Don’t apologize for this tenderhearted post. My heartfelt condolences for your loss. I hope that your little one and his dad are feeling better. Your feelings are very normal as is when we lose someone we LOVE! I’m so glad you had the experience of being close to your mom and I know it was very difficult to honor her request but it was her decision. One of my closest friends had a similar experience with her mom. She said she felt her mom saying she was trapped in her body and she was ready to go. It was difficult for her but today, when I see her, she has peace in her heart. She knows that her mom is finally at rest and it was nothing she could have done differently. I hope that you get into grief counseling and allow yourself to process what has happened. I’m grateful that GOD gave your family a special time of good-bye and that your mom was so loved. Praying for all of you. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted.