janieb0828

When I lost Mike it was to a tragic accident we were both in, I seen him be killed by an idiot that didn't know how to drive, he stated to the police he thought he was a bag of clothes laying on the road. How to interpet a 6ft 185 pound man to be a bag of clothes. I wanted to walk over there and just beat the living crap out of that guy. I wished him death and honestly I still do, I know that is wrong but that is how I feel. That night haunts me everyday and everynight. Everyone keeps telling me I am strong and I should be ok. To hell with them they don't know they have never been through what I went through and go through everyday.

Laurie don't hate yourself. You have done nothing wrong. Everyone wishes they were there in the last moments, sometimes it's better not to be. When Mikes grandma passed away, she was taking her last breath, she waited for her daughter to leave the room and just stopped breathing. I think she knew that she couldn't handle seeing her take her last breath.

Derek your feelings are normal. I am going through the same feelings, I have been out of work for the wreck we were in for 2 months. Now I have been off since Oct. 12th, I just can't seem to get myself back to normal, or some what normal. I miss Mike everyday!!! I know that I will never be the same again. I usually find myself vegged out on the couch, laying in bed, or sitting in a bar drinking away my pain. I am quickly learning that doesn't work, I just wake up with a hangover the next day and still hurt inside.

I am so glad to hear that this is helping you out. I have gotten a lot of greatness out of listening to others talk. It helps you realize we are not alone in our pain. Life my go on for others as normal. But all of us here can help each other.

To my dearest family, some things I'd like to say... but first of all, to let you know, that I arrived okay. I'm writing this from heaven. Here I dwell with God above. Here, there's no more tears of sadness; here is just eternal love. Please do not be unhappy just because I'm out of sight. Remember that I'm with you every morning, noon and night. That day I had to leave you when my life on earth was through, God picked me up and hugged me and He said, "I welcome you." It's good to have you back again; you were missed while you were gone. As for your dearest family, they'll be here later on. I need you here badly; you're part of my plan. There's so much that we have to do, to help our mortal man." God gave me a list of things, that he wished for me to do. And foremost on the list, was to watch and care for you. And when you lie in bed at night, the day's chores put to flight. God and I are closest to you....in the middle of the night. When you think of my life on earth, and all those loving years because you are only human, they are bound to bring you tears. But do not be afraid to cry; it does relieve the pain. Remember there would be no flowers, unless there was some rain. I wish that I could tell you all that God has planned. But if I were to tell you, you wouldn't understand. But one thing is for certain, though my life on earth is o'er. I'm closer to you now, than I ever was before. There are many rocky roads ahead of you and many hills to climb; but together we can do it by taking one day at a time. It was always my philosophy and I'd like it for you too... that as you give unto the world, the world will give to you. If you can help somebody who's in sorrow and pain, then you can say to God at night......"My day was not in vain." And now I am contented....that my life has been worthwhile, knowing as I passed along the way, I made somebody smile. So if you meet somebody who is sad and feeling low, just lend a hand to pick him up, as on your way you go. When you're walking down the street, and you've got me on your mind; I'm walking in your footsteps only half a step behind. And when it's time for you to go.... from that body to be free, remember you're not going.....you're coming here to me. Ruth Ann Mahaffey (author) ©Copyright 1998-2006

This was one of the worst weekend of my life. It has been so hard, Mike and I usually went out of town this past weekend. Just a get away for us. It was so hard to just be at home. My friends all tried to keep me occupied this weekend but I just sat in a daze while they all enjoyed thereselves. They tried at least. I don't know if I can ever be the same again. I know everyone keeps saying time heals all. But I just don't think that I believe in that. Talking to people helps, but I have this total emptiness inside. I am trying to be strong for our boys, but it really isn't easy. Oh how I wish I would wake up from this long nightmare. Thats what it feels like, I am having a horrible nightmare and sooner or later I am going to wake up. Janie

Laurie, I understand your feelings. My Mike has been gone for almost 6 months now, I still look at the clock at 7:00 pm every night thinking he is going to call me while he is on lunch. I have his pictures everywhere in the house. That way I can always see his smiling face. It will get easier sooner or later, it takes time. I do suggest you do what I did and see a grief counselor, it really helps to talk to someone. Losing the one you love is not easy at all. Mike and I were together for almost 18 years, we grew up together as friends. It is good to talk to his family even though you are not close you are all going through the loss of a great person in your life. Mike's mom and I really didn't get along before he left us. But we talked for hours on end afterwards, we just comforted each other that way. Jane

Just for everyone to know, yes I am in therapy and I am very heavily medicated now. The last attempt for me was the final attempt, they made me go get help and medicated me. I should have known to do that own my own but sometimes when you are down and out, you would just rather take the easy way out. That is what I wanted. I am glad I did find this website, it does seem that everyone here cares. My doctor recommended that I go online and look into grief groups. Thanks so much everyone you don't realize how much your words have really helped me today. Jane

I will start off venting my loss. My Fiance and I had been together for 18 years well it would have been on Sept. 9th 2006 which was suppose to be our wedding day this year. May 21, 2006 my baby died, we were in a motorcycle accident. Someone came up and rearended us from behind, we both went of the bike, I landed in the median as I came to, Mike was laying on the ramp, and as I started to try to get up a car ran him over. I call it the night from HELL. The car that rearended us took off, the car that ran him over, later stated that he thought he was a bag of clothes laying on the road, in his nice BMW you would think he would swerve to miss him (or what ever he thought), my life has never been the same. I was also injured in the accident lacerations to my knee and completely black and blue body. But my heart was broke in half no matter what injuries I received, the broken heart was the worst, and I would rather have had worse injuries and him have minor injuries and still be here. God took him away for some reason, I have yet to figure out why. I know I will never know. But you think what if we did something totally different, or left five minutes sooner or later, or anything would he still be here, or was it really suppose to be his time to go. He was only 36 years old it was four days before his 37th birthday. I REALLY MISS HIM. I just can't get him out of my mind, the night of the wreck haunts me all the time. I was off work for two months from my injuries, I went back for about a month and now I am back off work with Post Tramatic Stress Syndrom. Life will never be the same again. Since the loss of my best friend in the world, I lost a close friend in a boating accident six weeks after Mike's death and just last week, I had to attend a memorial service for another friend of mine who decided to take her own life. It been a tough road, please someone tell me there is someday when something is going to get better. I will be honest I have tried to take my own life four times, overdosing on pills. I know I need help!!!!!! Jane In Memory of Michael Wayne Wilson 5-25-69 to 5-21-06