K.D.

It’s bern five days since my best friend had to leave. Why does anything I do that resembles normal life, anything that feels good, any happiness, basically anything but mourning heavily, feel so wrong and so cruel to my dog? Even just cleaning the house...I feel like Im being cruel and forgetting him and betraying me.

Yeah, he knew the first date. I had recently had a date with a guy who was grossed out by the fact that my dog slept on the bed. So I told my husband on our first date, “Hey, I’ve always had a dog, he will always sleep on my bed, just telling you upfront that I’m a real dog person.” Then he tried to fight me about the dog sleeping on the bed after we married. I held firm. Sadly it’s really the only major way we are not suited for each other. Day five without my friend. I hate going to sleep because of the dreams. Then I hate waking up because of the panic attacks.

Well, I really hope to get another one day soon. I know from experience from the other two losses that it takes me 2-3 months to be able to adopt another. Unfortunately, my husband of 6 years is dead -set against another dog. It’s going to be a huge problem. I’ve never -not- had a dog. Even as a kid we had family dogs. I told him before we married I would always have a dog.

I know. I really thought this loss would be easier to manage. I’ve lost a rescue dog in my 20’s, then one in my 30’s. Almost 49 and with s family in the house and while certainly it’s different, it’s not better. The good thing is I’m forced to get out of bed and have a routine. But I still feel scared, alone and disconnected. My husband never liked the dog. I had him before marriage. The house is full of memories...in every room. So crushingly painful. I stayed home with my child and the dog duryimg the day. She’s not old enough to talk or notice he’s gone. I was the sole parent to the dog.

Ayrton88, Your original post was very poignant for me to read. I’m in my late 40’s with a husband and baby. I married late and had my child mid 40’s. My rescue dogs have always been my family throughout my life. I thought that losing my dog would be different this time, with a husband and child in tow, but it wasn’t. It was just as hard, maybe harder because it was made more complicated by the new husband and child that didn’t seem to make the loss any easier. I still feel completely alone, scared, crushed, etc., and on top of it completely guilty because I don’t want anything to do with them right now. How crazy is that ? I just want to retreat inside myself and mourn my little dog. He was my anchor. He was my solace. He made me feel safe and loved. It’s complicated I guess. But please don’t feel alone. Wishing peace for you...

So many questions in my mind...it’s doing such crazy things to me, so many intense emotions and thoughts. I’m so desperate for relief that I found myself curled up on the bed with his blanket, petting it, pretending it was him. Petting him In all the familiar ways, saying the familiar phrases of the past ten years. Is that normal? Too unhealthy? I’m so glad this is a safe place to ask this, my husband would think it’s crazy. Thank you

Kayc, Thank you very much for your response. It means so much to be comforted by people who have experienced the same feelings. I’m sorry for the loss of your husband. I will try to remember what you said about the final moments. Thank you for your kindness.

How is everyone honoring their pet? I’m desperately searching for some way to honor him and give him a legacy. I guess the event is still too fresh because everything I can think of to do seems like a painful reminder, not a tribute.

Thank you. It’s crazy all the strange things my mind is doing. It makes the grief even worse. All these horrible tricks my mind is playing on me.

Thank you for responding and hearing me. Thank you for this site. It is like a beacon of light in a very dark hour. I hope you are proud of your work, as you really should be.

I live in Texas and the flowers and trees have already started to bloom. Spring has never looked so ugly or seemed so inappropriate. My beautiful dog has only been gone less than 48 hours. It’s excrutiating. He was my world.

I’m so sorry. The pain is real. I lost my best friend less than 48 hours ago. You are not alone.

I lost my best friend in the world less than 48 hours ago...the pain, the guilt, the sadness, the fear...it’s massive and crushing. Sadly I had to see him have a massive seizure before I took him to be freed from his pain, it’s just burned into my brain. I had my beautiful schnauzer Whiskey for 12 years, even before I was married and had a child. He was the center of my world. He was my entire family and reason to keep getting out of bed before I married. Even after developing the relationship with my husband and having a child, he was still the “anchor” I guess. I feel such horrible guilt whenever I try to hug my husband or cuddle my 18 month old. Like I’m betraying him. The feeling of betrayal is so strong with anything I do...like I’m moving on without him and he was just a blip on the screen of life. Like he will be forgotten. My husband is not an animal person and has not been able to relate nor is he in pain. If anything, he’s relieved not to have the dog he tolerated here anymore. Thank you so much for this site. Thank you. It has literally helped me make it another hour.

I’m so very sorry...I lost my best friend, my 12 year old dog, 42 hours ago. It’s a living nightmare. I’m trying to get from minute to minute. I can totally understand and I wish peace for you.