K.D.

Just here to donate. It’s been almost two years since my friend died. It’s still really painful. I don’t know how I would have made it thru those first dark months without being able to come here and read the articles and advice, and read the posts from other people who have experienced the same pain. I’m almost...almost...to the point where I can adopt another. Anyway, thank you again, Marty, for the work you do.

Thank you so much everyone for taking the time to read my post and respond. I had a fundraiser on my birthday last year to benefit the schnauzer rescue group that I adopted him from. That’s all I’ve done. I am stuck in that trap that “moving on” and “feeling better” means I’m somehow forgetting him. Which I know is not true. I’ll be reading thru all the amazing resources on this site once again.

I’m sorry. I wish I could say something more than that. Just know that other feel the same way.

Well, it’s been almost a year since I had to let my best friend go. I would like to say I’ve had a healthy grieving experience, but I’m pretty sure I have not. I think I managed to compartmentalize the pain and shove it deep down inside. I have not been able to put up his bed or toys yet. I see them every day and feel a low level sadness. Occasionally I really truly truly remember and I get a stab of fear and lots of pain. He was my third rescue dog. After the first two died, one in 2001 and one in 2009, I was able to get a new friend within three months. This time, I have not, almost a year later. The pain is too bad still. So, I just keep getting up each day and waiting for time to blur the memories and smear the edges to where I don’t feel like utter crap anymore.

She’s beautiful. My dog was my inseparable companion as well, so I completely understand. He went everywhere with me. I too, am angry and saddened that his life was cut short. I feel like he was cheated. I think that whether you had her for a few more weeks, or months, the pain would be just as bad as losing her the same day. I say that because my dog’s lung tumor was discovered in November, (by accident during an MRI for his back) and he started having trouble breathing towards the end of January. Within weeks he was gone. I spent November thru Feb 12 trying to memorize every inch of him, every bit of his personality, every mannerism, etc. The last week of his life was agony, trying to work up the courage to let him go. I had all that extra time after his diagnosis, but it still was and still is excruciating. I know you wanted a real goodbye, I’m sorry. I would be heartbroken about that too. I hope you find some rest soon. I am glad you shared your story about Fancy, it’s a comfort to hear you share the same feelings. Wishing you peace...

I’m so sorry. It’s so painful. I hope you are doing as well as can be expected. It does seem like a cruel cosmic joke. The earth literally burst into life shortly after he died. All around me people are happy and luxuriating in spring. I hate it. Two and a half months later and I’m still in so much pain. I can’t stand the happy chirping either.

It does make it worse that I’m alone in it, and now I feel threatened. I told him that he doesn’t get to decide my feelings. Sadly, I went and visited my stepmom, and her dog went into sudden kidney failure, and I had to take her to have the dog put to sleep. While I’m glad I could be there for her, I thought I was going to have a heart attack and die during the process. I was sweating buckets and my heart was pounding. At least we can share each other’s pain. As always, thank you for your support.

Not getting any easier for me yet. It almost feels worse. Sadly my husband didn’t really care about the dog, so he’s pushing me to move on. We had a fight because he wants me to pick up the food and water bowls. He was pretty cold about it. It’s like he gave me exactly 30 days to get over it. I just cannot pick them up yet. I miss him soo soo much. He did everything with me. Literally everything. I hope the rest of you are getting some relief.

I need to think about that often. That it’s the love, not the grief. I’ve got cans of open dogfood in the fridge that I don’t want to throw out, because I feel like it’s somehow forgetting him.

Sharon, he looks so so sweet. My heart breaks for you.

Unfortunately, I totally get it. Mine was my shadow. We did everything together. I threw him in the car for every errand. We walked several times a day. He slept pressed up against me. I keep thinking I see him out of the corner of my eye. I loved being his “mom”. Nothing about his care seemed like work or a chore to me. I miss his happy face and wagging tail. I hate the grief process so much. I know eventually I will feel “better” in some way. Even that seems like a betrayal. I know they don’t live forever. One of life’s best yet most painful gifts.

Awww Michael, she’s beautiful. I wish I could hold mine again, just one more time. They are such sweet, innocent souls. I miss my baby so much. My husband is trying his best but he was my baby. I had him before we married and my husband didn’t love him like I did. Hope you are hanging in there.

Mike, so many of us here are in exactly the same place. The guilt and pain are so awful. I put mine to sleep two days before you. I’m still struggling with the guilt...should I have waited? So many things...guilt that he didn’t get to see Spring...and more. The pain and hysteria are still crushing. The grief changes shape every day. I wish I could make you feel better. I wish I could feel better. Just try to make it day by day.

Thank you. It is indeed a challenge for many people to be uniquely themselves and free with their pet grieving. Your post is comforting to read. I’m sorry about Lexie. I have the same pain, obviously. I think that instead of people having the “it’s just an animal” attitude, it would be nice for them to see the immense and limitless capacity the human heart has to love any kind of creature. As Marty said in another post, love is not a competition. I’m in the stage now where cold, hard reality has set in. I think I’ve been in shock the past two weeks.

Thank you, Marty. My husband has already commented “I want my wife back”. I’m trying to be patient with him as he tries to be patient with me. I married someone who is very sensitive, just not an animal person.

He’s soooo cute. That face. It’s heartbreaking. To be honest, I’m on Day 16, and I still cannot pick up Whiskey’s food and water bowls. I sure at some point it will be deemed mentally unhealthy to have them there. Grief is the word thing ever. Inescapable...you can’t go around it, you can’t dabble in it, you have to march right into the middle of it. I just keep hoping that with every moment that ticks by, time is marching towards some relief. Have you figured out how you want to honor Beau? I donated copies of pet bereavement books to his veterinarian that had cared for him. To give out to clients when they need it.

I know, I know. Whiskey was in my lap. I felt his heart stop beating. He was my shadow 24/7. I saw this quote on another page:

Aw, Sharon, I’m sorry. Whiskey slept on my bed next to me every night too. The pain is awful. Their lives are so short. I wish I could hug you.

Two weeks since my friend left. Still feeling crushing pain. One memory that has burned into my brain is leaving the emergency hospital empty handed, except for his collar. I was unable to take him to his regular vet, since it was late at night. It was a bad experience. The vets were swamped, busy saving lives, so a euthanasia was probably low on their list. They told me to say my goodbyes and let them know when I was ready. After I let them know, I had to wait an hour for the doctor to come in and give him the drugs. An hour waiting for the lethal dose. Then I left empty handed. To honor my small friend, I donated 15 copies of various pet bereavement books (including 5 copies of yours from Amazon, Marty ) to his regular vet, asking that they make them available for free to pet owners when it comes time to leave the clinic after losing their friends. That empty handed walk to the car is the worst thing ever.

I know exactly how you feel. Our dogs died three weeks apart so it’s all still painfully new. Like I said, I beat myself up for not letting go of my previous dog, Mickey, sooner. And this time, I beat myself for letting Whiskey go too soon. You just cannot win. I guarantee if you would have held onto to your friend longer, you’d be beating yourself up for not letting him go sooner. I also found myself finally unafraid of death, knowing that my small friends and I will be reunited. I didn’t feel that way the first time. I know it’s all excrutiating, if you have to, just try to get through an hour at a time. I feel like I’ve been in a weird haze since Feb 12.

Tracy, I’m so sorry about your baby. Your mind is playing tricks on you in your grief. I have the same problem. Every day I worry that I should have admitted my dog to the hospital, maybe he would have rebounded and he would have had more time. I feel guilty all day every day. Maybe I shouldn’t have done this, maybe I should have done that. The maybe’s and what if’s are terrible torture It sounds like your baby had reached a point of no return this time I would have done the same thing. You did a kind and humane thing. It was a horrible decision to have to make, and it took so much courage. Before I had the dog that I lost on Feb 12, I had another dog with cancer. Back in 2009, I held on to him too long. I really should have let him go sooner than I did. Then one day I realized just how much pain he was in and how much his quality of life had suffered. To this day I regret that I didn’t let him go sooner. I still beat myself up for not seeing it. You honestly cannot win...your brain will always play tricks on you in your grief. I hope you feel better soon. You didn’t let him down. You took care of him and did the right thing.

I did...I’m just not very disciplined about it. I need to try harder. The finality is setting in. I think I was in denial before. Of all human emotions and processes, grief seems like just the worst thing ever.

It’s been a week since my best friend had to leave. I don’t have the courage to pick up his bowl or bed or toys. The initial shock is gone. I’ve settled into a routine of denial and depression. During the day I don’t think about him most of the time. Not by choice, it’s because my mind is blocking him out. In the evenings my brain is exhausted and I feel this deep sense of emptiness and I just want to stare into space. Everything seems colorless. I would give anything for just one more day with him...to take a walk, to pet him. I’m dreading the call saying his ashes are ready.

I’m so very sorry. Thank you for writing about your experience. How much pain you must be suffering. It gives me great comfort to read about others having similar experiences and feelings. Your poor kitty. I can imagine that must be the most gut wrenching feeling in the world. I also suffer with crushing guilt and so many “if only I had” or “why didn’t I” moments about my dog’s death. And the sad and scary helpless feeling that not a person in the world or a thing is going to change it. I have so many nightmares where I’m searching for things I can’t find My husband keeps reminding me “you have a daughter and you have me” and then getting offended when it doesn’t relieve my pain. It’s like chopping off my arms and saying “why are you upset? You still have legs!” He just doesn’t get it. I wish I could take your pain away. I try to remember that every second of every hour that passes is one more second towards the day when then pain and guilt fades and good memories remain. Wishing you peace...

That's the sad thing about the loss of a companion animal. That we feel bad for "loving them more" or "missing them more" or, being "more affected by" the loss. Somehow we are made to feel this is wrong, because it's "just an animal". But, it's a creature we loved fiercely with our entire being, who was solely dependent on us. Acombination of child and best friend, I guess. I wish we could be proud that we connected with a helpless creature and protected them with all our might, instead of feeling shame. I think I would feel relief too, if my parent was ready to go... And you "left home" a long time ago, like you were supposed to. You were supposed to move on to your "new family".