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About Joan_s

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  1. It’s been a few days to process it all. Even though most of my days I’m numb or in heart wrenching pain, this experience has completely short circuited my mind. I feel it was incompetence and plenty of failure but the fact they are in constant defense makes it that much worse when all I want to do is pick up his ashes and death certificate then try to pick up the rest of my life and find my path, whatever that direction will be. It’s like a huge mental blockade that is holding my emotions hostage. I’m too tired to get angry anymore, I’m too tired to invest that much energy right now. I ha
  2. @Gwenivere the company responded to a a bad review left by one of the guests in attendance. They were so unprofessional they actually misquoted me to put their own twist on the situation and stated 'since they are in the compassion industry, they understood the stages of grief' implying I wasn't in control of my faculties when I took up issue. I feel so naive, I knew there were businesses like this out there, just never thought in this one industry. I personally have not left anything negative because I still have to deal with the company to retrieve me husband's ashes and certificate. R
  3. I'm already beside myself with grief which has now been compounded with additional stress from the funeral service. The live streaming of the service was screwed up so badly and done without any sensitivity at all. The tech guy conducting the stream couldn't get the sound to work, started messing with the volume settings which popped up on screen DURING speaker eulogies which was broadcast to the audience and then proceeded to call his boss for tech support (who I thought was going to be conducting the service on the day from all original communication) in a really loud voice while we al
  4. I just found your post. I couldn't believe how close the dates and situations we're in are almost identical. My kids are 10 and 13, I lost my husband on Oct 21st to sudden heart failure. We found him together. Trauma and loss is the most unbearable pain. I feel it's like a cruel cosmic joke. I wake up in the middle of the night temporarily forgetting he's gone then suddenly the realization he's never coming back hits like a semi. Rinse and repeat to the point I'm afraid to sleep. I understand the reality of just functioning to get through the day and be there for the kids but then having
  5. I feel you with this part of grief. Being alone is when the crushing pain sets in without a buffer. For me it's been 10 days since that awful night I found my husband unexpectedly. I too wonder if this hurt will get any better. As much as I want to blast this pain into submission it's not something I feel we are able to avoid or control during our early stages of grief, but with everyone's support on this forum I think we can both find an outlet or solace in the words and experience from those who have been where we are but are now on another section of this journey. If anyone is able to help
  6. Today is my husband's Funeral-This will be my first funeral. He will be in an open casket then cremated. Because of covid, I also added the option of a live streaming for his friends and family out of state. Thank Goodness for modern technology. When making the arrangements I was in a fog, didn't realize the day fell on Halloween, but it works out; ironically it was always his favorite holiday. I honestly don't care if anyone in attendance thinks it's in bad taste. It's for him. Thank you everyone for the responses. The kind words of wisdom have helped immensely. The past few days have be
  7. My husband died Oct 21 from a heart attack. Trauma is my existence right now, my heart feels like it’s going to implode from the pain that washes over me every 5 mins. Since the start of this pandemic we got into having unhealthy diets to ease the stress. Luckily we were able to work from home but both of us put on a lot of weight. He was also under additional stress from work midyear as they laid off his entire department and gave him all the work to do. He was already clinically obese and had high blood pressure, but stopped taking his meds thinking he didn't neg to as he wasn't going
  8. Mojo I am new here, my husband passed away from a heart attack too on October 21st. I understand the raw pain you are feeling, it’s so very very hard to function. You feel completely broken. I feel like I was dropped from a tall building then electrocuted after I hit the floor. After reading your words I feel like I wrote them because I feel the exact same way. I have two kids in middle school he was a step father to. He was the best father they’d ever known. Nothing can prepare you for the shock. Nothing. We haven’t slept, we have barely eaten but I force the kids to at least get do
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