My name is Pat I am 64 years old, I live in Montana, and two weeks ago today, I lost my wife of 42 years. Rhonda was an amazing woman who married me when she was 17 years old. She was simply beautiful, but never acted like it. She was fun, athletic, goofy, serious, religious, and kept me in line all those years. I thanked God every day for allowing me to have such an incredible wife.
Together we raised four very successful children who became solid members of society and we ended up with 11 grandchildren so far.
Rhonda was always a very healthy person… until last June when she developed a cough and it took a long time to go away. The cough returned last November, and after extensive testing she was diagnosed with MDS Blood Cancer.
Although our world was turned upside down, we were very optimistic because the Doctors at the University of Washington Cancer clinic said she was a perfect candidate for treatment.
We arrived in Seattle for treatment early because she was experiencing a fever. The doctors wanted to deal with that ASAP. As they took Rhonda away, she hugged me and began to deeply cry. Rhonda was tough and very seldom ever cried. It broke my heart.
Because of Covid and Leukemia protocol I was not allowed to see Rhonda in her room at all. So, we relied on Face Timing each other. For several weeks Rhonda was going through her Chemo treatments. She was getting run down, but through Face Timing I spent many hours telling her to fight hard because we were going to win the war.
After the first round of Chemo was complete the Doctors started a trial Chemo on her in pill form. Rhonda was allowed to come home for rehab after the chemo. I picked her up and things were going very well. She was paying bills and getting ready to show me how to do it during second round of Chemo when she went back into the hospital.
She was having a hard time taking her pills and eating, but we were happy and very optimistic. We had no doubts that we were going to beat Cancer. The third day Rhonda was home she developed a temperature of 102. We called the clinic and were directed to take her to the emergency room right then, and they would call ahead and make sure they were ready.
We arrived at the ER, they did not know anything. My wife was sitting in the waiting area as I tried to call the clinic, the walls were too thick for my cell phone so I told my wife I was going to step outside and make the call. I did and returned less than two minutes later, they had taken my wife and that was the last time I saw her conscious in person.
She was taken up to the Leukemia floor and they began a regiment of treatment to get rid of the fever. We were told as soon as she was without a fever for two days she could come home again. We were optimistic because she was such a fighter.
About 3-4 days later I was with my son and his wife at the store 5 minutes away from the hospital and I got a call from one of her many doctors. I was excited, thinking all right she gets to come home. (We had just Face Timed about two hours before) She had told me she was tired and didn’t feel really well so she was going to take a nap.
The Doctor told me that they found her unresponsive in her bed but were able to revive her after 11 minutes. The shock and disbelief of what I was hearing about the love of my life simply brought me to my knees. My love, my wife had died and they brought her back.
We rushed to the hospital and were taken to the ICU room she was in. It was awful, she was not conscious and was hooked up to partial life support. After several days of testing and evaluation I met with the doctors and they informed me that the was no brain activity and wanted to discuss what Rhonda would have wanted.
I made the decision and the breathing assistor was removed. I stayed by Rhonda’s side for two and a half days as her body fought to stay alive. It was awful because I wanted her to go to heaven. During those two days I was alone with Rhonda, but I offered the opportunity for all friends and family members to talk to Rhonda by speaker phone. Many-many people did so. I do believe that she did hear them all. And it was wonderful for all her family and friends to say goodbye to her.
I watched the love of my life take her last breath. Although I am glad I was with her till the end, I am still filled with so much grief that I truly do not want to live any more. The pain, sadness, and loneliness is so overwhelming I don’t know what to do. I have always been a very private man who dedicated himself to his wife and family so although I know a lot of people, I have no true friends. My wife was my life. We had big plans to travel and see all the kids… That is now gone.
I simply don't know what to do.
Again, thank you to everyone who takes the time to read, respond and pass on your words of wisdom. If there is one thing that I have learned in my 64 years, it is to listen to others who have been down the road I am traveling. The words you give to me sting and they hurt, but I know they are coming to me with love. So... thank you all so much. Pat
