Good morning,
I am a newby here on the site and am reaching out in hopes of some clarity. I have been reading the posts and it just all seems to clear when we read the trials of others, but when we are in the thick of it ... all seems so cloudy and confusing. I'm going to make my story brief and will anxiously await responses which I hope will provide some comfort.
After a 20 year marriage and a couple unsuccessful relationships I found myself in a relationship with a younger man. I initially rejected the idea, however, after much pushing and convincing from him I decided to relax and just let fate take its course. We both had a much different course in life, however, I was not and am not judgmental and am a true nurturer so when he moved in I was not concerned but a bit swept off my feet thinking "how romantic". He ended his job selling used cars saying it was a dead end job and I was happy to support his choice both emotionally and financially suggesting he take the time to build a "career". Prior to moving in with me he had been living at home with his mom and did not have transportation. We began sharing my car until I purchased a second car. Unfortunately, he had accidents with both leaving us with one car again and still no progress towards a job or career. He played video games all night and slept all day while I supported him and his "habits" and went to work every day. I began to see him blaming me for his lack of forward movement for some reason and tensions grew along with arguments and periods of great silence. He said he never asked for money but I paid for everything and never asked for him to participate. I was close with his mom and also some of his family and they were very supportive of me with him and often said he had really changed for the better. As I began to question and suggest he developed a cold side and very sharp edge with me. Right up to the end I paid for everything and bought him new phones along with other things. He began to say he needed a car of his own and wanted me to buy it. At this point he had been moving in and out after our fights but also returned. I did not feel comfortable buying a car for a man who didn't even live with me or made any commitment. He said I was selfish only thinking of myself and how could I ask him for a "normal relationship" when I couldn't even get him a car. We continued to see each other off and on and he would disappear for days and weeks sometimes.
Suddenly his mom got sick and I began to help with her situation with doctors and getting her supplies, etc. until one night he calls me up and tells me his mother passed away two days ago. I was shocked and hurt he didn't even reach out to me. He hung up quickly and when I reached out again he rejected my offer for support and help and essentially "dumped me". Of course I craved answers and wondered if maybe now he might have some money and the house she owned and just didn't need me any more. I just needed answers and I knew that wouldn't happen. He never choose to converse he just shut down most of the time. Oddly enough, a week after the death I get a text with pictures of his tax papers and not words, however, I knew he was wanting me to do his taxes... we had discussed this a couple weeks prior. What a strange thing to do... ask a girl you broke up with to do your taxes... I thought. Then many hours later he text thank you. I have stopped reaching out to him and I just replied "you are welcome" where I usually would begin "begging" for resolution.
Now, of course, I have begun to build in my mind maybe I didn't do enough and maybe if I had bought that car for him things would be different. I ask the same questions we all ask... why no closure and why cut out of your life during a time of sorrow a person who loves you and you are suppose to love? Needless to say days and nights are painful and truly taking a toll on me.
I'd love some input because as you can imagine I now am beginning to doubt myself and my actions. It is always so much easier to see clearly when it isn't happening directly to you.
Alisa