Sheemie

I used to really like scary movies and I can't now...I've had all scared I can take.

Yeah, idk what you can do about vm's. I went to this grief group through church. The counselor was asking us if we could think of a reason we were mad at the deceased and I was like absolutely no! But at home I was thinking about how for the last year we were trying to buy our first home unsuccessfully. I got to thinking about how I always just wanted it to be just me and him. He always held family very highly, far more so than me. Guess because my family always couldn't care less about me. I was looking through some old recordings one day and low and behold I come across a phone conversation between us where we were talking about where we want to live and my husband was telling me that he just wants it to be me and him and he's tired of the drama in, talking about family. And there went my reason. I spend alot of time thinking about how God made such a person to love someone like me.

Nashreed, we must be kindred spirits because I feel the same way. I am totally stuck and feeling sorry for myself when life is before me. When my husband passed horrible, tragic, unexpected. All my inlaws and my family too was like stuff and money, stuff and money. Like I just lost my husband, my life and all the people who were supposed to be there and support, stuff and money. I really don't think most people are capable of love and they just climb the social ladder of life. The only people nice and decent, the funeral home, some neighbors, and my husband's work. To relax I read or watch TV. Idk how many months before I could even stand to watch TV because I was am so angry at myself mostly but society too. The only show I could stand before bed to unwind was the great British baking show. The Paul man on the show reminds me of my husband in some way found it comforting. My husband deserves a parade, to be on the news every day about the tragedy of his death. He was great and he deserved so much better than everything. The Bible says life is b4 me and I have to choose it I am still trying to answer that question.

You are so cool, u know I remember cds. I used to always have books and books of cds. I would work out at gym with my cd player. My friends, when I had friends, and I would hang out in the media play all the time. When cds went away I quite listening to music was too much bother to me to figure out an mp3 device. I still couldn't and would listen to the radio. I used to have good friend that worked at the radio station and he'd hook me up with free stuff from the giveaways.

This is hard but we were half a country away from each other when he got real sick with covid. Their doctors decided I could not be in the room. At first we thought he was going to be OK 2 days later no and I had to say goodbye on the phone and that I was sorry. Of course I was so beside myself with shock and fear that was all I could say. I think he started to cry but nurse hung up. I drove there because I did not want to wait 2 days for flight. I stood outside the glass and his room was plumb full of about every nurse from wing. The Dr tried to rescistate him and he looked at me through glass and reached his hand for me and he was so weak his arm just slumped down. I screamed cried and nurse dragged me away and they rescistate him 4 times and then they let him die. They killed him and there's nothing I can do and I had to say goodbye like he was in jail and know everything feels like jail to me.

I suffer this too. Every night I will wake up in middle of night unless had sleeping pill or something at around same time Ray started to go and never had sleep issues staying asleep or falling asleep. I pray rosary every night and usually fall asleep doing it helps. Getting up in the middle of night not fun.

I have never liked any job I have ever had. I sure was not like my spouse. He loved to work would put in 16 hrs days. Now I have to go back to this whatever job I can get, pretty much guarantee mindless cashier or cleaning something. All I want is someone to talk to. I walk my dog, I get groceries, I go to church. I just want to scream. We are alone and we don't even try to not be alone and everyone acts like tattle tales for the government or something, like get you, got you, oh we caught u smoking. Ding, ding, ding. Give me a break.

I think we all feel so personal responsibility for our loved ones health. I am extremely hard on myself because I did not go into his room. They wouldn't let me per their fear mongering rules which made no sense because the doctors and nurses go home do they not. A news story I heard about a singers child's death helped me. The singers child fell from hotel window on accident. The singer was nearby and ran to street. The child was surrounded by passerby. The person did not stop. HE WAS SCARED. I knew it because I felt same. Later we hate ourselves for being too afraid to stop in their case or go into the room for me.

I so relate to your story. My husband passed at 52. He too had diabetes and caught covid 2 years into it. I was so dumb. I only heard of mild cases and I could not fathom my 52 years young husband would die from it. He was gone away from me working halfway across country. He went to Er. Found out was Covid. See we thought it was his diabetes because he often was ill feeling. The Dr's told him to quarantine and he went into a hotel room of all places. He was so good about the covid rules he did not go around anyone. A week later he went back to Er and was put in intensive care with low oxygen. I did not even know that was what covid does, that u can't breathe. I drove there. The hospital would not let me in and after few days convinced me to return home stating his oxygen levels were fine and he just had to be there to quarantine. We went home about 1.5 to 2 day drive without stopping to stay. Like as soon as I got home they told me that they are wanting to tube him. I lost it drove back down there. They still would not let me in. I had to say goodbye through glass while he was in a coma. The morning that they called me in he went into cardiac arrest and they kept trying and he kept arresting again. The guilt about killed me. I wish I flew down there and got him out of there. I constantly think anything that could have happened differently it eats me up. It's not our fault. Of course we did best we could. I am still suffering from after loss issues but u know every death is horrible my point is I don't blame myself today but tomorrow I might and yesterday I did.

Everyone thanks for sharing, the good, bad, and ugly. I know that Ray is with me watching over me from heaven. I could go on and on about how helpless I am, like how my mom and I spent days trying to unlock a toolbox and neither of us could do it and like the 3rd day I just tried to open it and low and behold it just opened. And I always think see my Ray is here helping me in times of trouble.

I truly believe my husband is watching over me and helping me because it has been a train wreck and fact I am not dead, incarcerated, or something else bad I truly feel is divine intervention because yes I have no idea what I am doing or capable of but what is possible.

Looking back everyone that tried to help me, that was supposed to help me, my family, my inlaws really did not help and just made things worse for me. My family concocted plan to get me to move in with my terminally sick parents taking full advantageof my widow state. That quickly blew up and as soon as they realized I wasn't going to live there they ghosted me. My wicked mother in law, who was always trying to get my husband to leave me, so she could take our money contacted a lawyer and tried to sue me. My stepchildren show up like what money is ours, it's called get a job you brats. All I want to do is go back to work, you know like I did since I was 8 years old and before I had to constantly be on the defense of being attacked. I have to pay for any help I need and boy the going rate of help is 350 an hour. The help from family what a joke, all they care about is stuff and money. They don't care that they cost me 3 jobs, countless moves, legal trouble, how many more moves before I find a job and new life, is that free? How much has their trash talking cost me? I don't know if I can crawl out of the hole I am in. How about some help do any of them care how I am doing...NO! HOW am I to go on without my husband when he was everything to me. No one seems to get that and or care.

Man, I just relate to your situation with grief. When my spouse died I lost our home. We were renting it and I kind of was forced into moving in with parent. For me that quickly became unbearable I don't get along with others well and decided I M never living with anyone especially in grief. No one helped, had to hire very expensive movers and put our life in storage. Now I'm stuck in exile in town I wouldn't want to stay. I hear a lot of widower move by family but move by family just reminds me why left in the first place because they don't really give about me and I'm scared because this is first time in my life I'm truly alone.

God bless you for all that help you gave

God bless your heart for doing all that for your in laws. Another of times I felt unappreciated and especially when they try and walk home when u are bending over backwards to help. I can't tell you how many free rides I gave without a thanks. I felt like a chauffeur.

It's been real hard week. I am almost at his death anniversary and I just wish I could feel normal, just one day, wake up and feel like me again. I lost my idk the word, strength I guess. Omg I hate where I live. My neighbors never come out of their hide holes. They actually complain that I go outside too often if u can believe that. My husband said live in the most beautiful place you have been and for me that's where we were. I feel too scared to go back there and show my face. Idk why and it is not like me to be afraid.

Thank u I know that I keep wanting to go home and I know my husband made anywhere we were home. And I know that he is not going to be anywhere I go so I guess I never have home again. The last time I felt this alone was right before I met my husband

I am so homesick today. I long for any day that my spouse was here in it really even a not really good one. I miss our home. I miss the place. We truly loved it there. I would wake up have really great fresh bean coffee and get exercise clothes on and simply cross the street to walk our dog on the most wonderful trail while talking to my husband on Bluetooth while he was at work. I was so busy all day helping my mother in law, helping neighbors, making food, taking care of everything. I used to complain about it because I never hardly had time for myself and now that's all I have. Everything now is total 180. I feel like I am in jail, miserable, alone, no one talks to me, there is no where to walk the dog, have to drive at least half hour closest small park, the place I am renting is a mold hole and they absolutely will not let me out of my lease. I want to go home but I am afraid. Fear is what is trapping me.

My on3 year death anniversary is coming up and I have been thinking about it a lot. I dread computer work but I want to go through our pics and make an album. I know it will be a tear fest but is good way for me to spend that day. I know how you mean about crying in stores, every thing brings me to tears nowadays...holiday decorations, neighbors relaxing in their yards, movies, anything that reminds me of them. Honestly I don't go any day without crying anymore. Grief is absolutely profound in how changes everything.

Thank you Simple, easy. As a new widow I don't always know what is rational.

I don't know where to begin. My question is how do you deal with inlaws asking for stuff and money? When my spouse and I met we were almost 100 percent broke and I am struggling hard almost year later. As far as my inlaws they either did not know me, barely knew me, or flat out hate me. This did not really bother me too much because we weren't near them and he had kids with other women and the family never liked them either. Almost all the kids were sadly estranged from us in my mind because we did not have money for them and therefore they did not want anything to do. My step kids caused me unbelievable grief. I lost a pension job because of the one and the other was constantly trying to put me or my husband in jail. Now I've got inlaws asking me about our finances, life insurance, and kids asking where's our money? No one cares about me and how do I deal with this,

Thank u

I lost my husband unexpectedly and know where he wanted his ashes spread. I had this idea that I think it would be special to do it from a plane over the spot. Does anyone know anything about who or how I could accomplish this?

I think he knew or thought he would die b4 me and I think he knew or thought I would meet someone else and not be alone for rest of my years as he kindly would not want me to be unhappy. His last words to me were asking to see my smile. I also don't think we thought about it that much either thinking we had a lotof time. I know I did not. I never cared what they did with me until my husband passed and am forced to make this decision. I also don't know if when I die if there will be anyone around me who cares what my wishes are. I also believe we both thought being buried in a cemetery would be to expensive for us and is not now. I think I need to remember that he choose me to write his story and to do it and forget the naysayers in my head that would complain about my every choice.

My husband passed without a will. The only thing I knew is that he wanted his ashes spread in his childhood home of his fondest memories place. I feel horrible regret that we did not figure this out for sure because I asked him, what about me, we did not know or expect this so soon so suddenly and I could not accept it. After his passing I was thinking of burying him where we lived. It was beautiful there and I knew he wanted to stay there despite not being close to family. I was pressured to leave there by family which is another regret to be close to my family in another state. I do not know what to do. I feel trapped now. Upon his passing I got nothing from his family. They either did not know me, or hate me because I did not get along with my mother in law who just wanted control of us and when I wouldn't give it to her it was WWIII. Then all I would get from my father in law was calls every other day about money and stuff. Oh they were so nice to me until they got the money they wanted and now nothing. I am supposed to give my husband's ashes to these people? My husband's favorite person was his father. He saved him from his psychotic mother. My father in law is old I know a shadow of who he once was and I know that is the only person in my husband's family who I care to have a say in this but it's been so hard to talk to him. I've tried and his phone goes to vm always. It's shocking he is not in a home and still on his own. He called me around Thanksgiving to ask if I had a funeral for my husband. I said no and he was like ok bye. He really is not cognizant is what that is. I don't know how to facilitate my father in law. I tried talking to an uncle who was important to my husband and he was saying oh u don't have to come all the way out here to have a funeral at a church he did not belong to. My husband's family seems to be cremate and loved one keeps ashes. I would prefer to bury him in a cemetery and to my knowledge he wanted ashes spread. I don't know what to do. The guilt racks me. I want to have a parade for my husband but it's just me. I am thinking spread ashes where he wanted with my father in law and bury rest I a cemetery where I can be with him or is that selfish of me