LoriS.

William, Phoenix takes about 6 hours to drive to. From where we live when we drive, it's 2 hours to Palm Springs, we have dinner there, than we go another 2 hours to the Arizona/Ca. border, stay overnight, another 2 hours to Phoenix for breakfast the next morning, than another 2 hours to Tucson where our daughter and son-in-law live. Wow...I can't believe I just wrote "son-in-law"! I don't know how you guys take the summers over there!!! It's soooo hot!!! Yes, it would be nice to get together one of these days...

Rosanne...thank you for your response. Yes, it was a very special gift from my Mom at a very special time in my life. The wedding was just beautiful with the big cactus on the mountains all around us and the shadows that were cast from the sunset was amazing! One of my friends told me that she felt a very spiritual connection to the the universe at the wedding...half of the people that were there were unfamiliar with the beautiful scenery that Arizona has to offer.

Thanks William. I see you are from Phoenix. We drive through Phoenix when we visit our daugher in Tucson. We live about an hour north of LA. Arizona has the most amazing sunsets I've ever seen! When you're feeling down, look at the sunset and believe me, your wifes' spirit is there in the beauty of that sunset!

Take care...Lori

Dear Linda...I am so very sorry for your losses. You found a great website to help you through this dark time.

Take care...Lori

Thanks, guys! All of you have been there for me and I support and thank every one of you!

Lots of love...Lori

Marty...thanks so much! You have always been my rock during this whole process!

Tootie, thanks so much for your kind words about my mom! And thank you so much for your thoughtful gesture of sending a note on a balloon to heaven! Wow...this really does remind me of how good people really are!

Hugs...Lori

Today, December 2nd, would have been my mom's 87th birthday. She died a year ago in October at almost 86. I just wanted to honor her and say Happy Birthday, Mom!!!

It was shortly after my moms birthday last year that I found this website when I fell into the deepest depression of my life. I have all of you to thank for listening to me and being there for me!

Hugs to all...Lori

Hugs to you too, and thank you!

Take care...Lori

Hi everyone! I am glad that you liked my story and I also loved Helen's Christmas Gift story. Like Marty said, we just need to pay attention and things like this will begin to show up for us.

Corrinne, I know what you mean about the meatloaf...about seeing your Nana's hands. My mom and I have very different looking hands, but just the movement sometimes of the way I do things with them remind me of her!

Hugs to everyone...Lori

Hi everyone! I don't remember if I've posted this story already, but I thought it would be a good time to do so...with all of the stresses surrounding the passing of our loved ones and the upcoming holiday season. I think all of us are looking for some kind of sign from them. I always feel my mom and we "talk". But something happened recently where I really had a tangeble (sp?) sign...something that I could touch.

My oldest daughter got married on October 5th. About a week before the wedding, I remembered that my mom had given me years ago quite a few handkerchiefs that were either gifts to her, or she purchased or that were her sister's (my aunt). They were in a beautiful silk case and I kept them in one of my drawers in my dresser. I thought to myself that I should look through and find a special one to bring to the wedding that I could use during the actual ceremony. It would be my way of having something that I am holding of my moms' that would bring me comfort as I dried my tears and blew my nose during the ceremony (and it wouldn't get all crumpled up like kleenex!).

So I sat down on on the floor and carefully unraveled the silk case and started my quest to find the perfect hanky to bring with me to the wedding. I started to go through each one and I decided I would take the one that "spoke" to me. Well, I found one that had my moms initial of her first name and it was dainty and understated just like her. So, that was the one I was going to bring. It was about the 10th one I looked at. I was having so much fun looking at all of these old beautiful hankys, I decided to look at all of them. There were about 30. So I unfolded each one and was just imagining when she got these, who were they from, what were the circumstances, etc.. I came across one that had a white background and had brown squiggly lines...not feminine looking and kind of a funny design to have on a hankerchief. So I opened it up and it looked like a western scene. There were two cactus and a mountain inbetween the cactus. I studied it for a second and asked my self if my parents or any other relative were in Arizona or New Mexico long ago. Well, I didn't have the answer to that. I looked at the hanky again and I noticed that the cactus were tall with the big "arms" coming up from the sides. I knew what they were. They are called Saguaros (pronounced swarows) In between the two saguaros was a mountain with a flat top. That is called a Butte (like the word beautiful). The reason that I know this is that my daughter that got married lives in Arizona and has been for the last 7 years and I would ask her about the big cactus with arms and the mountains with a flat top.

I thought about it for a minute and it hit me. The name of the place that my daughter had her wedding was "Reflections at the Saguaro Buttes" !!!

I truly think it was a sign from my mom. I brought it with me to Arizona to the wedding and gave it to my daughter. She was amazed. Now she carries it with her wherever she goes!

So...I really do believe that there was a connection there! It warmed my heart as well as everyones heart that I have told this story to.

My best wishes to all of you as we approach the holiday season.

I don't post very often anymore, but I wanted to share this story with all of you as I know that we are all searching for some kind of sign and also to create a smile for you!

Hugs to all of you...Lori

I agree. Everyone does grieve differently and we cannot judge each other as everyone has their own unique of grieving. But no one can or should tell another person to "just get over it by now". That is wrong. Last night, before I went to bed, I somehow felt my mom was with me and as I hugged the covers to my side, it actually "felt" like her tiny body next to mine. I began to cry for a few minutes, trying not to wake my husband. I prayed that I would be able to fall asleep soon, so I wouldn't feel so sad and I asked my mom to help me fall asleep. The next thing I knew, my alarm woke me up in the morning!

My point is that thoughts come and go and situations come and go and we're still without our loved ones. The best thing to do is to move through it and feel the feelings at the time. I have definately become more spiritual in these last few months and that has helped a lot, too.

Take care...Lori

Shelly...I'm sorry if this is harsh...but how dare they say you should be "over it". I don't know if we ever get over it...we just learn to deal with it and move forward. It doesn't mean that we ever forget. I thnk about my mom all the time. It's usually the first thing I think about when I wake up and definately the last thing I think about before I go to bed. Yes my life still goes on and I know I've made amazing progress in this last year...but I'll never "be over it".

Sorry...take care...Lori

Deonna, I am reading your last post sipping on my first cup of coffee of the day...which is my absolutely favorite thing to do when I wake up!

Coffee brings people together for fun and laughter. There is a warmth and coziness about a coffee shop that everybody loves to just sit and hang out.

Hope you have a fun day at work!

Take care...Lori

Deonna, I'm sorry about the loss of your dad and the stolen headstone. That is unbelievable. Some people never cease to amaze me.

It DOES sound to me like you have made progress regarding the coffee shop! Especially if it was a dream of yours and your dads. Don't second guess yourself! I'll bet it's a great place to work and to meet people, like you said. I'm sure your dad would be so proud of you.

Take care...Lori

cariage, I am so sorry about your grandmother. It's very hard to watch towards the end. My mom didn't want the feeding tube and we discussed it way before she died (one year ago). When my dad was at the end (4 years ago), we saw other patients with feeding tubes and my mom made the decision for my dad not to do it. I think that's what was why my mom knew in advance that she didn't want to go through it when her time came. My brothers and I were prepared at the end to not have her go through it. Trust me, your grandmother will go peacefully, with dignity and in her sleep. I'm so sorry. Let me know how you and your family are doing.

Take care...Lori

Lorikelly, we're fine now. We were able to come home later the same night (Monday). Thank goodness the wind has taken another direction where I live. Other areas aren't so lucky unfortunately. Really sad. I live in Santa Clarita. I don't know how it's broadcast anywhere else, but it's the Buckweed fire that was about a mile from my house. There were people in Canyon Country that lost their homes...about a 10 minute drive from me. And Castaic and Stevenson Ranch are about 15 minutes from me. Very scary. It's not smoky outside right now, but still smells terrible. It's all over the news. Southern California is seriously on fire. I too pray for everyone in the areas of the most concern right now.

Thanks for your concern.

Take care...Lori

Deb, Believe me when I say that your grandfather knew what he wanted and he did make the right decision not to suffer anymore. I was fortunate enough to have had a talk with my mom a few months before she died and she told me to absolutely not put in a feeding tube when the time came. She had a very positive attitude and understanding about what was to eventually happen to her. After all she was 85 and had seen so many others go through death. She also had the morphine. It was very sad to watch, but I know that it was the quickest and least painful way for her. My brothers and I were in agreement with each other and my mom was even slightly aware of what was happening. She slept a lot on and off and we did help her eat when she wanted a little soft food.

And no, you weren't selfish for wishing for it to be over quickly. Try not to beat yourself about this.

Take care...Lori

Thanks Marty. We did have to evacuate today. We spent the day with my in-laws. We're home now, and as we were driving home we saw so may fires in the distance. They're blowing away from my house, but the wind can change at any time. I just don't want to evacuate again.

Today was a hard day. I wanted to by roses in honor of my mom, but couldn't because we had to leave this morning. So my neice back east went to buy some and went to the cemetary to put them on my moms grave. That really meant a lot to me. I'll buy the roses tomorrow.

Take care...Lori

Shell: I want to get that book! I am really trying to live like that. It does take practice and I think that it is a practice that will take effort for the rest of our lives! I have a friend who is a life coach and is so fabulous and calming and has taught me so much. She has a website and she writes various articles on her website that maybe you...and anybody else... would find interesting. Her website is: www.momentconnections.com

Lorikelly: You have always been so sweet and caring. Thank you so much for thinking of me and praying for me. Yes today...one year to the date later...it's so sad. I picture the details of the last few days of her life and it's heartbreaking. I'm getting teary just thinking about it. I think I'm going to buy flowers...her favorite peach colored tea roses...in honor of her so I can look at them and remember her how she was before she became ill. I will send wedding pictures when I get them!

I ask everyone for a prayer today in honor of my mom. Also I am kind of close to one of the fires here in California. We don't have to evacuate yet and the winds have died down, but you can see a glow of orange above the hills near my home. A little extra prayer would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks...Lori

Thanks Shell! Yes, my daughter was a beautiful bride and things went really well. I really did miss my parents being there, but it didn't prevent me from having a great time and being completely in the moments of joy that you are supposed to feel at your daughters wedding. I'm so happy about that. There were a few times during the lead up to the wedding that conversations about my mom came up and I got very emotional. But what really got me emotional was my daughter getting married! It was an amazing day. The place she got married was absolutely beautiful and the ceremony was outside with beautiful mountains and huge cactus all around (in Tucson). There was a feeling in the air that my parents were there with all of us and watching!

Hugs to you...Lori

Shell, I totally get what you are talking about and yes it's hard to deal with and to put into words sometimes. We have to accept this, or else what's to become of us? And would they want this for us? I feel my mom everyday and "talk" to her all the time. I know she only wants me to be happy and move forward. We are not being disrespectful to them or their memory if we laugh, have a good time, etc. It feels good (finally and with a lot of work and continuing to work on it) to get to the place of acceptance and see who we have become and to help others in the process.

Hugs to you...Lori

Hi Everyone,

It'll be one year on the 22nd that my mom is gone. I can't believe it. She passed away on a Sunday, so for me today, it's like the day before she died one year later. I remember it perfectly. If I could only physically see her and touch her arm and hold her hand again. Today (last year) it was a hard day. But she had a lot of visitors which was great to see how many people loved her and how many will miss her. And tomorrow at 5:30 am she passed on. I watched as the color drained up and away from her face. The next few days were, well you know, extermely difficult, than the weeks after that as the depression set in and the extreme longing to be with her again.

Than I came upon this website and because of all of you, I started to heal. It has been a very long road and at times has been so difficult. But I am making it through. This is a tough weekend, though,since I picture in my mind all the details of her last couple of days. I can't forget how she kept getting smaller and smaller in her bed. I know it's just the natural process, but it was very strange watching my mom fade away before my eyes.

On a more uplifting note, my daughter got married 2 weeks ago and it was an amazing day. I know my parents were there watching over all of us! There were so many signs!

So I just wanted to thank all of you who have been there for me. I have appreciated it more than you know!

Love and hugs...Lori

Karen, I'll say a little prayer for you, too!

Lori

Duke, I am so sorry about the loss of your mother. It was absolutely NOT your fault that she passed when she did. It was just the way it went...and I'm sure that it is hard for you to understand that.

As far as "not feeling", I cried during the time when we know that mom was dying and I cried after for a little while. Here and there I would cry, but it wasn't until about 6 weeks later that the world crashed around me and I was experiencing real grief. It's all a process and we all have different ways and times of goint through. Don't be so hard on yourself. You are grieving even if you aren't crying about it.

And I was so suprised to see how a couple readers in the "spouse" grieving community took your post. They probably hadn't seen your posts in this community about "losing a parent" and assumed something different. I'm sorry about that for you.

Take care...Lori

Hi everyone. It's been awhile since I have posted and just wanted to see how everyone was doing. I've been doing ok. I had a mini breakdown a couple of weeks ago when I talked to my moms best friends daughter who told me that her mom (my moms best friend...age 86) has my moms picture on her nightstand and a locket with their picture in it from when they were 15 hanging from her nightstands lamp. They were best friends since they met when they were about 10 years old. I can't imagine having a best friend for 76 years. I get teary thinking about my moms friend and how sad she has been since my mom passed away. My moms friend and her husband were the best of friends with my parents. They have been married 66 years...as my parents would have been.

I sobbed for an hour after I hung up from that phone call. I hadn't cried like that in a few months. I'm coming up to the one year mark next month. It's going to be hard.

On a good note, my daughters wedding is only 3 weeks away! I can't believe it! I really am excited about it, yet with a lump in my throat knowing my parents won't be there. I know that during the ceremony that there will be reference to my mom as my daughters wedding band has some small diamonds in it that were in my moms wedding ring. I have so many emotions regarding this wedding. Mostly good, yet sad too. It'll be bittersweet.

Anyways I've been reading some of the posts from the new people and all I can say is that the sadness never goes away, we just learn to deal with it in what becomes our "new normal". It really does get better...I promise.

Hugs to everyone...Lori

Dear Angel, I am so sorry about your Grandmother. You must be a pretty strong person to have put up with some of the things that you say has happened to you and your family. My kids were very close with my mom, their grandmother, who passed away last October. It's very sad, but you sound strong. You have to go through some terrible hurting in the beginning, than things will ease up...I promise.

Good luck to you...

Take care...Lori