LoriS.

I agree with Shell and Lorikelly, too! This site is very comfortable and it's people like you that keep it going!

Take care...Lori

Hang in there, Lavender, I know it's tough. Happy Birthday to your mom up in heaven!

Take care...Lori

Maylissa...As I read your last post, I saw that you weren't ready to have another "fur baby", so I apologize for my last post to you regarding adopting another cat. Have you thought about volunteering? You can do as much or as little as you can or want. It might even help you...you never know. If it didn't help, you wouldn't be under any obligation to continue, but if it did help, that would be great! You have soooo much pain, yet so much love in your heart to give of yourself. Of course you would be comparing, but that's OK! I hope I haven't offended you in any way, I just want to see you moving forward. You would NOT in anyway be dismissing the love you had for your precious babies by giving your love away to others. I thought by me moving forward after my mom died that I would be disrespecting her memory by going out and doing things other than grieving for her. I have since learned that my mom would WANT me to move forward and it would not be disrespectful to her memory. I'm sure that your babies are wanting only the best for you and want to see you happy again. It takes time, but I hate seeing you so miserable when you have so much love in your heart for your babies and to possibly give to other babies in need.

Again, I apologize if I pushed any negative buttons for you, but that isn't my intention. All of us are here on these boards because we TOTALLY understand what the other is going through, whether it be from an animal or a human.

Take care and my thoughts are with you! Lori

Mona...I am so sorry about your brother and the circumstances surrounding his death. The way to get through it is to feel everything and take one baby step at a time. It's terribly hard. I'm really sorry. Keep posting...it really does help!

Take care...Lori

Maylissa, I'm really sorry that you are feeling abandoned on so many levels regarding the loss of your cats and the lack of understanding that you are percieving from this board and from the people in your life. I know that sometimes I write a long detailed post (my mom passed away last October 22) and other times I don't feel like posting at all. It doesn't have anything to do with my lack of caring for the other people that have posted, just sometimes it's too emotional to do for me. Sometimes when I post and other people haven't responded, I have realized that it's not of lack of caring, but they are dealing with their own issues that day and simply just don't feel like responding...and I'm ok with it. Sometimes people respond right away, or the next day, or not at all. Everybody cares or they wouldn't have come to this board in the first place...they just may not show it the way you do.

I don't know really what your situation is and I hate to ask this question since I don't know you, but have you thought about rescuing another cat...or is it too soon? When we put our baby (a 4 year old Australian shepherd named Einstein) down, we went and I picked out a new 7 week old puppy 6 days later!!! This puppy belonged to the same family as Einstein was so I felt that he was still with me. His name is Charlie. He is seven now and is the love of my life. He saved me since Einstein's life was short lived.

Sorry to ramble. I'll be thinking of you. It's so hard losing a pet that is your soulmate.

Take care...Lori

Shelly,

Good for you! It truly is an accomplishment for you and you should be really proud of yourself!!!

Take care...Lori

Good luck, Shelly!

Take care...Lori

Whiteswan...I am so sorry about the loss mf your mom. I know exactly how you feel. The tiredness, retreating from everything, crying, etc. Like Shell says it's normal. There is a natural flow of sadness and happiness and hopefully the happiness will be more frequent in the months ahead. I was doing really bad in the beginning, than pretty good, than bad again, now pretty good and on it goes I guess. Maybe you should see your doctor or councelor. I will be thinking of you.

Take care...Lori

Thanks Shell! I am going to meet with my friend at the end of this week and go over the details. Than next week we're going to Arizona to visit our daughter and her fiance, so I'm thinking it will be the following week. Since I had gone to part time a couple of years ago, and I traveled back and forth to see my mom while she wasn't able to travel here anymore, I only have a handful of clients that I kept in touch with. But it's a start and I really want to get back into it slowly, at least until after my daughters wedding. 2-3 days a week is fine with me for a few hours. That's all I want to do anyways at this time.

Thanks again!

Take care...Lori

Traci, I am so sorry about your dad and I agree with Shell...people that work in Hospice are truly angels. Both my mom and dad were in hospice the last week of their lives and for me to see the love and caring that went into their care was just amazing. Of course you need some time off...don't even question it! If you need to sleep, sleep. If you need to go for a power walk...do it. The range of things we need to do for ourselves at the beginning is endless and sometimes doesn't make sense. It's great that you are keeping a journal...I love to write, too.

Take it one step at a time, whatever makes sense for that moment.

Take care...Lori

Hi Maureen. I am so sorry about your mom. It is just the worst thing to go through, especially in your situation being so unexpected. Everything that you are going through is normal (which I found out when I found this site). Someone is always willing to lend an ear...I'm glad you have found us.

Big hugs to you!

Take care...Lori

Thanks Annie. I have been on medication since 1995 for panic attacks. We had just had the Northridge earthquake and my mom was diagnosed with endometrial cancer and was given a 30% chance to live. Long story short, I was so panic stricken and depressed and she was getting better! I fell into such a state that landed me in the hospital. I always felt I had some anxiety, even as a child I was painfully shy, but I always got through it somehow. But between the earthquake and my mom, I thought I'd die. Medication has just been a part of my life for so many years, but every so often an issue will arise that sends me out of control with depression...example my moms death. I expected to grieve, but I couldn't function. That's when my dr. switched things and what he switched me to wasn't the right thing for me. But now that I'm back on my old meds, things seem brighter.

Don't forget, you are dealing with a lot of issues with your dad and the recent loss of your mom must have put you in a talespin. You are dealing with quite a lot right now and medication may help you through. I would try counseling first, though...just a thought.

I loved the story about your friend, her manicurest, their friendship and their horses! It's true that special friendships can form in the manicuring business.

Thanks again!

Take care...Lori

Thanks Shell!!! That made my day! I have to say that I have been feeling much better the last few days. My doctor and I switched things up a bit with my medication and I am starting to feel more back to myself again. I have been a manicurist for 23 years on and off, part time and full time, and last year I broke my arm and couldn't work, than my mom became ill so I flew back east to be with her until she died, than the cleaning out of her apartment, than the intense grief, etc. I have been doing some bookkeeping for my husbands business, but I really miss the independence that I had with my job, and I made some very good friends in my clients over the years. So, I am seriously thinking of doing nails again part time. A friend of mine that I worked with years ago just opened a quaint spa near my house and we talked about putting together spa packages with manicures and pedicures. I called a few of my old clients and they were thrilled. It made me feel great to know that I had been missed. I think a lot of what we're feeling (at least I know for me to be true) is that I didn't feel needed. When my mom was alive, I knew she needed me and I needed her. It's just a basic human trait, but when it isn't there from a person that you are so close to, it just seems like the world around you doesn't matter or make sense anymore. I know my mom would be thrilled if I went back to doing nails again; she always loved when I would give her a manicure! Whenever I would go to visit her, she would always remind me to bring all my manicure tools and her favorite polishes. She especially would love when I would put lotion on her arms and give her a massage. It was a special time that we shared when we were together.

Today is my youngest daughters 21st birthday. My mom loved my daughters so much. I almost feel her happiness and a feeling of being proud that her youngest grandaughter has reached a right of passage.

I miss my mom so much sometimes that it hurts. I miss her so much, but I know that she would not want me to be miserable all the time. So I am really going to try. Also switching my meds around has definately helped, I can't deny that aspect, too.

Thanks everybody for listening.

Take care, Lori

Thanks Shell...you're a great cheerleader!

Take care...Lori

Tracey, I agree with Shell and Annie, too. It's so hard at first. Nothing makes sense. Just try to get through 1 task at a time and ask for extra help at your store if you feel you need it. It's ok to ask for help. Sometimes we feel like we need to be in control of everything, but I found that in the beginning of the grief journey, people were more than happy and willing to help.

Just being with my dog has helped me tremendously. He was such strength and comfort to me in the beginning and of course now. Let all of the animals help you by their unconditional love!

Take care...Lori

Thanks to you too, Shelly!

Take care...Lori

Thanks Trudy...a big hug goes out to you too! My husband urged me to go out with him today to go bike riding at the beach. I did NOT want to go because it's out of my comfort zone right now. I somehow found strength to go and I told myself that even if I don't want to be there that I NEED to be there and try to go along with things for him. I ended up having a pretty good good time. I "heard" my mom say to me "Lori dear (she always called me Lori dear)you MUST move on and go and do things. It's ok to have a good time". I have tried and have come a long way, but for some reason this 8 month mark is really hitting me strongly.

Thanks all of you...without you guys I would have continued to completely fall apart!

Take care...Lori

Tracy and Lavender, Welcome and I'm so sorry about your moms. Shell is right, this is a long process, but it does soften in time. We're all here to listen.

Take care...Lori

This is all so sad to me. I am going through a hard time now, too. I miss my mom so much. Thanks to all of you for understanding what this feels like. I wish we could all meet and just sit and talk. Nobody else really and truly understands.

Take care...Lori

Annie, that was funny! Sad, but funny! I too am having "grief bursts" as today marks exactly 8 months that I lost my mom. I went to return something to my friends house (she isn't a close friend) and she said that I seemed down when she talked to me on the phone a couple times lately and why I was down. I looked at her and burst out crying. First I thought "How stupid, don't you completely understand what I'm going through?" than I was just sad. People care, they just don't know how to react to our grief sometimes.

Take care...Lori

Dear Angele, I am so sorry about your grandmother. It's a very hard time for you, but you will be ok. I lost my mom 8 months ago today and my daughter who is your age was very close to my mom. She is getting married in October and of course wanted her grandmother there. She, too, had a special connection with my mom different from my other daughter or my moms other grandchildren. She said everything she wanted to say to my mom and I know my mom is watching over her right now as she prepares for her wedding. Your grandmother loves you and only wants your happiness. You are are a part of her, you carry her genetics, so remember she is within you.

It's very sad what you are going through, but you will be ok. It will take time and we're all here to help you in any way.

Take care...Lori

I'm happy for you, Jeff. My day was fine, too. I planted some flowers in the backyard...something my dad loved to do. I was kind of sad when I was doing it. Sad that we weren't closer when I was growing up and sad that when I was an adult I never felt any different until he became ill in the last 3 years of his life. We never really had too much to say to each other. He was pretty quiet and I think slightly depressed. He had a hard upbringing in the 1920s and 1930s, than off to World War 2 flying missions from England to Germany. So I'm sure he had many issues to deal with.

When we were cleaning out my moms apartment after she died last year, I came across some old love letters that he wrote to her during the war. They were very sweet and tender and his writing was very intelligent. I never saw that side to him. During my childhood he owned an old family bar (he never drank...it was him and his brothers that was passed down from their parents) and was held up and shot near the heart. He was never the same after that. I was 10. He recovered, but I remember it being a long road. Than he worked in real estate and insurance, but nothing really came of that, than he finally retired. It was than that I saw a glimmer in his eyes, but I was already an adult with small kids living far away from him and my mom. They would always come to see me every winter. They loved my kids, especially when they were small and that was very helpful to me.

Thanks whoever is reading this...I just had to vent. I hope everyone had a good fathers day!

Take care...Lori

Thanks Leann. I hope both my parents are in heaven celebrating together!

Take care...Lori

Dear Leann, The nursing home story had me in tears. My dad was in a nursing home for a year and a half and they would have all the traditional parties for every occasion as well. Things get sad on these holidays to honor our parents, especially when they aren't around to celebrate with us don't they? I have my father in law to celebrate with and he is still in relatively good health and is so much fun to be with. So I'm hoping for a good day tomorrow.

Good luck on this, your first fathers day without your dad...I know he is watching over you and your Mom!

Take care...Lori

Thanks, Trudy. I think everyone will be thinking and remembering your mom on some level. You seem sensitive and I am, too. Maybe we think too much, but it just shows that we loved our moms with all our hearts. No one will know or be able to relate to exactly how we feel unless they have experienced what we had with our moms.

Take care and thanks for listening and your prayers!

Lori