LoriS.

Thanks, Lorikelly. I spoke to my daughter about a picture of somekind of my mom and dad at her wedding a few months ago shortly after my mom died. At first she thought it was a great idea. Now as time has gone on, she told me that she doesn't want it because she doesn't want any memorial or sadness associated with it at her wedding. At first I was upset, but now I completely understand where she is coming from. She was extermely close with my parents, especially my mom and she feels my mom wouldn't want any of us to be sad at her wedding. My daughter also used some of the small diamonds from my moms wedding ring to put into her wedding band. Also, I am letting her wear a beautiful diamond pendant that my mom left to me and I am wearing a special wrist corsage in honor of my mom. So I guess, my mom will be there and we will have subtle reminders of her througout the night. I think that I will bring a picture of my parents and keep it in my purse or my getting ready clothing bag that I will be bringing with me to the wedding site. That way if I want to look at it at any given time, or anyone else wants to look at it, they can. I know my mom wouldn't want any of us to be sad at this wedding. So I am really going to try!

Take care...Lori

Hi Pebbles...welcome back. It's so hard...isn't it? Trying to figure out our feelings and why we feel things and don't feel things...it's too much sometimes! I hope your trip to Arizona will be helpful for you.

Take care...Lori

Welcome back, Shell. You have been so helpful to me, I hope if you need anything, you know that I will be here for you. We all will!

Take care...Lori

Thanks, Shell. Again I am so sorry about your Mom. My thoughts and prayers are with you!

Take care...Lori

I've been really down lately as well. I can't really put my finger on it, but I know I'm sad that my mom won't be at my daughters wedding in October. I try to put on a good show for my daughter, but deep inside I am so sad about my mom not being there. I've been a little withdrawn and reluctant to do things lately. I feel like my depression is coming back and that I am feeling like a new griever. It's been 8 months. I have so much to look forward to within the next few months before the wedding, but it seems too hard right now. My mom loved me so much. She laughed at all my jokes and made me feel so loved. I don't have that anymore. I know my husband and kids love me, but it's not the same as the unconditional love that I had from my mom. She was an amazing person.

Any advice from anyone would be greatly appreciated.

Take care...Lori

Dear Izzy, I am so sorry about your dad...how awful.

Take care...Lori

What a tear jerker! Thanks Annie...that was really touching. I miss my mom so much. I'm at the 8 month mark and it's starting to hurt again. I'm sure it's normal, but nontheless it hurts. With my daughters up coming wedding in October, it makes me so sad that my mom won't be there. I know, she'll be there in spirit, but it won't be the same. I am so happy for my daughter, but I am so sad about my mom. It's bittersweet.

Take care...Lori

I'm sorry Jeff for how it ended with you with your dad. It's too bad that he didn't get the help when he needed it so that he could enjoy his family in his later years.

I often wonder if my dad wasn't mildly depressed. He had several issues in his lifetime that would have had any one depressed. But my mom was his rock and he kept on going along because of her. I see it now. I wish I could have put all of the pieces of his life together when I was young so that I could have really understood him better and to not have taken things so personally.

Well at least I have my father-in-law and my husband to celebrate fathers day with. I will say a little prayer for my dad and your dad as well.

Take care...Lori

As Fathers Day approaches, many of us will have to remember our fathers whom have passed. It's been 4 years since my dad passed away. I wasn't as close to my dad as I was to my mom so I didn't have that horrible first year fathers day emotional craziness. But interestingly enough after being on these boards for a few months after my mom has passed away, it has brought up some feelings for me as far as my relationship with my father went. Nothing was wrong, we just never really connected on a deeper level like I did with my mom. I loved him but never felt that intense love that I felt for my mom. I have felt very guilty about this for many years, but I have realized that he did the best he could and I did the best I could regarding our relationship. So this fathers day has a different meaning for me as I want to somehow "feel closer" to my dad. I am going to plant something in my yard in his honor. He loved and took pride in his garden, so that is the least I can do to honor him.

I still feel guilty about not having that true closeness with my dad. I would love to hear any suggestions on how to accept this (as I have tried) and move on.

Happy Fathers Day to all your dads out there either still here with us or who

have passed on.

Take care...Lori

Dear Lauren, I am so sorry about the news about your grandpa. Hang in there and I'm thinking of you.

Take care...Lori

Oh...that makes me so sad. I knew Shell's mom wasn't in the best of health and that Shell was taking care of her. Shell, I am so sorry. You have always been there for all of us and now it's time for us to be there for you whenever you're ready.

Take care, big hugs and lots of love...Lori

Shelly...that was so sweet!

Lori

I know how you feel, also. My mom was 85 when she passed away last October and my parents were married a long time...62 years. My dad passed away 4 years ago. I am your age and yes we were lucky to have our moms so many years. But it still hurts. It is so fresh and new for you...give it time. You have come to the right place to get your feelings out.

Take care...Lori

Hi Karen...Sometimes those tears just come up at times when we aren't expecting them, don't you think? And even when we do have our very tearful moments, at least for me, it's good to get them out!

Take care and have a good weekend!

Lori

Terri, I am sorry about the loss of your grandmother. When my mother died last year, my daughters ages 21 and 25 were greatly affected. They were extremely close to her, as I am sure you were to yours. I can only tell you that time has helped. We went through lots of tears and sometimes still do, but we are moving forward. My older daughter is getting married in October and she is using my mom's small diamond stones from her wedding ring in her wedding band. It is helping her to know that she will always feel close to her.

In time you will be ok. Is there a favorite pin or something that you can wear to feel her closeness with you when you need it? That seems to help a lot of us here.

Take care...Lori

CHF, I am so very sorry for your loss. My mom passed away Oct. 22 06' and she was my best friend, too. But she was old...almost 86 and led a very long and fulfilling life. To lose your mom as you did is a shock to your system and I'm sure that all of your emotions are just beginning to surface as this is all new to you and so unexpected. I'm sure it is all normal.

I have a daughter your age and I can only imagine what you are going through. I am so sorry. We're all here for you.

Take care...Lori

Dear Terri, I am so sorry for your loss. Be patient...this just happened and you are still in shock and everything seems unreal. Try to give yourself some extra TLC at this time and realize that your feelings are very normal. It will take time, but you will get through this.

Take care...Lori

Karen...I am glad that you brought this topic up. Too often we are bogged down with sadness and morose regarding our losses. Once the initial shock and intence grieving is over, than the real work begins to heal ourselves. We owe it to our loved ones to activily live our lives and remember them in peaceful state. Yes...it takes time and it isn't easy. But it will happen if we decide how important our own life is...even without that person. Yes, there are always going to be times of sadness...something will remind us. But we need to move through the sadness rather than get stuck in it.

Thanks again for bringing up this topic!

Take care...Lori

I agree, Shelly...that would be a great idea. Also, Jeff, I agree with Annie about cooking for other people and planning ahead. Plan to cook something for your mom and start a new tradition. I planted flowers and ordered trees to be planted in Israel in honor of Mothers Day. I plan to do the same for Fathers Day as well. It felt good (even though it was a very hard day) to plant something alive and that will grow and that has beauty. I don't usually play in the garden, but even just buying a new plant...something substantial and alive...in honor of your Dad might help you at this time.

Take care...Lori

Thanks Annie. My husband had made breakfast for us around 10:00 this morning which is 12:00 Chicago time. Right before we ate, I excused myself, went into the bathroom and closed my eyes and really felt an energy of us linking arms and our moms. I said a few private words to myself and that was it. It was really nice. The rest of the day was nice but up and down emotionally. I have a very dear friend who had to have emergency surgery a few days ago and I was very emotional about it because I was finally able to talk to her today. We did go to buy flowers to plant, we saw my inlaws and one of my kids. So that part was nice.

I miss my mom so much. I hope she had a peaceful day in heaven and felt our well wishes with the other moms.

Take care...Lori

Dear Walt...Thankyou for that amazing movie. I am so sorry aboyt your wife and mother. I cried, of course all the way through it as this is the first Mothers Day without my mom. It's been a tough day also as I also have a very good friend recovering from a difficult surgery.

Thank you again...Lori

Lori...I am so sorry for how you are feeling. My heart goes out to you. I hope that your tests don't show anything to worry about. I'm sure that your mom was with you yesterday and will be with you on mothers day.

Love and hugs...Lori

I just wanted to share with everyone what I am doing. I was talking to one of my friends that cut out an article in her local newspaper on making new traditions for Mothers Day as we deal with the loss of our moms. It was suggesting to pick something personal for us...looking at pictures, planting flowers...something to carry on every year as a new tradition to honor our moms on Mothers Day. This can be done on birthdays, Fathers Day, etc. as well. So I just went online and "planted" two trees in Israel for both my parents. It isn't a religious website, but talks about replenishing the land that needs more vegetation. The website for anyone interested is: www.treesfortheholyland.com . I like the idea of "giving life" to a park or a hillside or a forest. In fact, I am also going to get some summer flowers for the backyard to plant in honor of my mom. On Fathers Day, I am going to do the same for my dad.

Looking forward to tomorrow noon Chicago time where we will all share a moment together with our moms!

Take care...Lori

Steven...I love how you said that you are trying to carry on as Tanya...a good person to others and making differences in their lives, etc.. My mom was an unbelievably positive person and everybody loved her. She hardly complained and was always interested in the other person and truly loved her life. She would come out to visit me from her home in Ohio to my home in California and always marvel at the mountains or any other natural beauty that was in nature. She would always say: "feast your eyes...it's free!". I am trying to live my life as my mom lived her life. I really never understood her contentment in the simplest things until I got older. Even when she was alive, when I was much younger, I always would kind of laugh at how naive I thought she was by being so positive and looking at the glass half full all of the time. I now look at that aspect of my mom as a gift that she has given to me and to everyone else that she knew.

I love that we are all learning from one another on these forums. Thanks to everyone!

Take care...Lori

I never heard of the white carnation tradition. But, my daughter that's getting married told me that her mother in law to be (that is ordering the flowers) is ordering me a special white carnation to wear in honor of my mom. I'm glad I found out about it before the wedding or I'd be a mess if they suprised me with it the day of!