weaksoul

Thank you Dee for your kind words. I agree kids do bring a relief to the pain. But then the kids also show emotions at times and then my pain goes thru the roof. Regards!

Thank you Mik for your prayers, that is the only chance of my survival and I quote "If HE shines a beacon of light in my heart and soul". I am begging him to come to me.

I am seriously in debt to you all for your prayers and blessings. Thank you!!! May God bless you with health and happiness. Regards!

Hi all, I am feeling so sad again today, I am questioning myself if I can live like this. Please pray for me. Thanks and regards,

Hi Linda, Thank you for the good wishes and thoughts. And please don't mistake me, my faith is shaken as well and I am totally broken at the moment. I am barely going thru my day. But faith in God and knowing that he loves you no matter but is the only reasons why I am able to go thru my day. Wish you peace and strength. Stay strong...

Linda, you were very lucky to have 33 years with your partner, I only had just 16 years with my wife. I am thinking what if I had just few more years with her and it would have made a huge difference in my life. My 8 year old would have had few more years to enjoy her mother's love. I am not qualified to advise this but I think one thing we/humans should avoid is questioning the God's plans since we don't have the ability to see into the future. And our understanding of what truly is good for us is very limited. Just try to keep your faith alive. It is big source of strength when nothing else makes sense. Stay strong...

Hi LindaA, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. It's been 4 months since I have lost my wife. And I am still going thru the pain. We have to bear it somehow. It was extremely tough for me in the first couple of months but I can see a difference now. Though nominal but it's there. Please stay strong and make sure you have some besides you. Seek help/company from you distant friends/relatives even if you have to make a special request. There are lot of good people on this forum and I expect them to share their piece of advice and coping skills with you. May God give you strength and peace to go thru this tough time.

Thank you for your advice Kayc. I am hoping that she will be able to offer some help. And I agree with you wholeheartedly on Marty. She is definitely an amazing human being who cares about all of us. Her commitment to the cause is flawless. I am very fortunate to find this forum. I would have gone totally crazy if I didn't have this forum to express myself. Can't thank her enough and all you guys to provide me with support to go thru this tough time

Thank you Dee, highly appreciate your well wishes. I seriously need them. I am having such a hard time going thru my day. May god bless you with happiness and peace. Regards!

Sure Kayc, I am not sure how much help she is going to be since my grief is too deep. I am questioning myself heavily if I will be able to get through this. I will see how it pans out. Thanks and regards.

Thank you Marty, appreciate it. Regards!

The problem is that I can't deal with the hurt that now comes in the way when I am working with kids. It feels like I am stuck between a rock and hard plate and there is no escape.

Thank you Kayc for your support. I highly appreciate it. Regards!

Dear Marty, thank you for helping me and guiding me in this tough time. There is part of me that is telling me that I can't handle it all and the other part is saying that I must. I have started seeing a grief counselor and I am going to share all these symptoms in my next session. Thank you for listening to my pain and helping me survive. Regards!

Dear Marty, thank you for providing details on all kinds of support resources. However, I want to mention here that it's not just the external help that I am looking for at the moment. I am somehow not at peace with myself, I am feeling so alienated both at home and when I step out. Buildings/landscapes that use to give me pleasure are now haunting me. I am unable to relate to anything around me. My kids are the only thing that bring relief and that too when I find them in happy moments. I am scared to face the life everyday like this. Please advise if this normal in grief or am I experiencing something unusual. Is this depression? Regards,

Thank you Marty, you are so caring...I have no words to appreciate your support and guidance. I will checkout both the resource group and the book.

I am emotionally very weak at the moment. And I am not quite clear on how to deal with the kids especially when they are either; 1. Not listening 2. Emotionally down It was all very easy in the past when their mom as alive, I could have gone strict with them to correct them. But now, I can't even think of going strict/discipling them. Can someone please guide me?

Thank you Kayc, your words give me hope and comfort. Can't appreciate all the support I have received here on this forum. Regards!

Hi Kayc, Thank you for setting the correct expectation. Yes, I agree the kids are a blessing but at the same time I get stressed thinking about their future and the quality of life. Thank you so much for the encouragement and listening to my pain. Regards!

Hi Marty, Thank you for the concern, Yes, luckily I have good family and friends support. And my mother is with me and she has a very good bond with the kids. Even with all the support it's still so difficult. I am yet to attend a grief support group. I will be calling the Hospice of the valley tomorrow. I have started watching TV with the kids and it is helping quite a bit. I wasn't able to be in front of the TV for the first two months. And both of my kids enjoy basketball so I join them and it helps with the grief. Overall I can see some improvement in myself with my coping skills but it's a slow go. And then there are triggers that take me back into the moment and it takes a while to come out. I hope I am not repeating myself but I can't help. Thank you so much for your support and guidance. Regards!

Hi Kayc, It's a havoc at the moment, I can't wait to get better and start to have some life. You are saying it takes a couple of years, I am consistently praying to the God to bless me with his love and give me strength to go thru these times. I just want to be there for my kids. I would like to say that my love/attachment for the family has become my biggest enemy. I can't face the fact that my kids don't have their mother with them. I know I am constantly repeating myself, please excuse me for it. Thanks and regards!

Hi Marty, At the moment the only thing I am doing is to keep up with my daily routine. Here is how my routine looks like; 30 minutes of walk in the morning Shower then 30 minutes of meditation Light breakfast and then go on with my day which includes my work. In between I am reading scripture, reading on grief management, attend to the kids, take them for appointments etc Then we have dinner in the evening, watch some TV Afterwards as the temperature gets little better we step out and play basketball in the evening for good 40 minutes. And then 30 minutes of mediation before going to bed. Over the weekends and holidays, I try taking kids to the recreation events such as Jumper places, Arcade games etc. That's all I and I am barely managing it. My hurt is consistently there with me all these times. I just can't accept the fact that she is not with me. However, as I mentioned before I do feel better as the sun sets and when I am playing with my kids. Please advise how to go about it or making improvements in my routine/mindset.

Dee: Thank you so much for your encouragement. I am trying my best but even going thru the day is so hard. I wake up every morning feeling so depressed. Then the feeling continues thru most of the day, however I don't know what it is , as soon as the sun goes down I start to feel easy. It's giving me hope to know that it's going get better with time. I just can't wait for the day when this pain alleviates a bit. Please keep sending good thoughts my way. I need them so bad. Regards!

Thank you again, I think I am not getting enough rest. Surely I will go thru all threads on this forum. And I am yet to connect with the local grief group. I will reach out to the Hospice of the Valley, it's the one Marty suggested. Thank you and God bless you.

Dear iPraiseHim, thank you for the pearls of wisdom. I hope to absorb them in and live them. However, for me the hurt is in the my memories. I am trying to keep them off as far as possible. Any advice, please? Best Regards!