Lynette

Thank you William for asking, I wish I could say that I'm doing wonderful but that would be a lie. The holidays really aren't enjoyable like they once were. I've tried a couple Christmas parties and taking rides around the city to see the Christmas lights but it just isn't the same. Of course I put on my happy face so I don't hurt my family and friends feelings because they are trying their best to keep me busy. Today I had to cook a couple of dishes to take to my families Christmas gathering tomorrow and I don't know what my problem is, but I had trouble remembering the ingredients in two dishes that I've made for the past 20 years. I pray to God that 2008 brings some happiness in my life because 2007 is a year that I’d love to forget. I want to start remembering my husband before he was diagnosed with bladder cancer. I want so bad to remember the man I fell madly in love with. Enough about me, how are you doing? Merry Christmas, Lynn

Kathy, That is so wonderful! I hope it helps get you through the holidays. My husband has only been gone 5 weeks and that would just make my day if I'd get to experience something like that from him. I hope you and you're family have a Merry Christmas! Take care, Lynn

Happy Birthday Patty Ann. I know how you are feeling. I lost my husband on November 15th, 2007, he too had cancer and I basically was his nurse/wife for almost a year. I really don't know what to say to make you feel better except keep posting on this website. The people here have all suffered from loosing a loved one. It helps me reading how others cope with their loss. Right now I just take baby steps and only think about getting through one day at a time. Again, I wish you a very Happy Birthday! Take care, Lynn

Hi All, I just wanted to tell everyone that has replied to my post, Thank you very much. It helps knowing that this emotional roller coaster that I am on is normal when you loose a loved one. After reading some of you're replies, it helped me realize that Mike would want me to be happy. Today I talked to one of his co-workers that was pretty much his best friend. He told me that the reason Mike kind of pulled away from me and quit talking was because he was very mad at him self for getting cancer. He also told me that 2 weeks before my husband passed away that he called him and Mike told him that it was killing him watching the sadness in my eyes. I thought I was hiding the tears, but I guess he still could see and feel them. I'll keep this short, I just wanted to share with my friends what I was told today. I truely believe that our love ones are watching over all us and they will not be happy until they see we are living and trying to be as happy as we possible can. Merry Christmas to all, Love, Lynn

I lost my "Soulmate", Mike on November 15th, 2007. This is all real new for me and my family. My husband was diagnosed with Bladder Cancer October 2006. He made it through two major surgeries, several biopsies, and two rounds of chemo. One November 11th, 2007 I had to call an ambulance to our home because my husband was having a lot of trouble breathing. One thing I forgot to mention, my husband went from a 195lb very healthy man to weighing only 120 lbs and barely had enough fat on him for the nurses to take his blood. While he was in ICU, after countless blood test and scans, the doctors determined that Mike had MRSA/Staph infection from the portacath that was surgically put in his chest for his chemo treatments. There were several complications while in the hospital. On November 15th, he had to be taken into surgery because his right leg was not getting any blood due to a blood clot. After 6 hours, the doctor came into the waiting room where mine & his family were waiting and told us that he came through the surgery and he would be back in ICU shortly. We were all jumping for joy, laughing and hugging each other. Around 15 minutes later, the doctor came back into the waiting room and said for us to wait there, apparently there were complications when they were moving him from the OR table to his bed. Five minutes later I saw the doctor coming out of the swinging doors with his head down and that’s when I knew I had lost my one true love of my life. They said it was probably a blood clot that let loose in his leg and went up to his heart. I feel as though I don’t want to live anymore. During the week, I work so I’m staying busy, but when Friday comes around I just lose it. On Fridays we would go out and eat Mexican food and have a few drinks just to wind down from a busy week. We’d talk about things that happened at work, or camping trips in our RV that we would be planning with our family. See when I met Mike, I’d gone through a divorce and basically thought I’d never fall in love again. When he & I met, I knew this was my prince charming and he would always take care of me, he would be my strength, my “Soulmate”. We were only married 13 ½ years and those were the best years of my life. I just don’t see how I can go on and ever be happy again. I refuse to take off my rings, if someone meets me for the first time; I tell them I’m married. Is this wrong? I just can’t let go. We were at the point in our life where the children were married and having their own families so we could start enjoying our life and each other. This is so unfair. I get mad when I think about all the child molesters, wife beaters, etc. that is healthy and still walking on the streets and this has to happen to a very good, loving man. Makes no sense to me! I’m sorry that this is so lengthily, once I started typing, I just wanted someone out there to hear my story. If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know. Thank you, Lynn