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Its all the same

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I tried to do things, kept myself distracted.. But in the core I was always revolving around the loss that I suffered.. I'm still at the same place.. Its been a really long and the toughest journey without my mom till now.. I'm having this feeling of enough now.. Like no more fighting but I know I gotta keep moving. Its still feels like the day I lost her.. 

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I'm sorry.  I know we have to adjust to living our lives without them but the missing them continues on forever.  It takes more time than I care to say.  I didn't have as hard a time with my loss of mother as my loss of husband but I think that's affected by our everyday interaction, age, the relationship, etc.  My mom was 92 when she went and she had stage 4 dementia, she needed to go, it was time for her.  I'd done a lot of anticipatory grief ahead of time so that I didn't have as much grieving to do afterwards, but in a way I've grieved all my life for the mom I couldn't have because of her mental illness.  I'm glad she's at rest now.

With you, you're younger, it's bound to hit you harder.  I know with the loss of my husband it took me years just to process his death.  I realize I'll never "get over it" and the missing him continues.  It's been 12 years.  I realize I have to live with this the rest of my life.  I don't let it rob me of the joys of what still is, but so much of the joy I had was tied in with him and gone.  Sometimes it feels like a life sentence, and I'm doing my time, but there are times that seem good.  I've learned to take it all as it comes, rather like a roller coaster ride.  (((hugs)))

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  • 2 weeks later...

Thank you kayc <3 yep its a long way ahead I guess.. Just the start and it will get harder with time as I'll move further away from the time that I last met her physically.. It breaks my heart. It does feel like a life sentence and it will take time but I guess I'll learn to live with it :/. 


A part of the poem

 Your Mother, Your Angel by 
Natasha Jordan

"You look back on memories you forgot you had,
And at times you'll smile even though it hurts so bad"

That's really true.. Old memories brings a smile with tears :')

Another one that I like is..

"Death Unnoticed~Harold Daigle

Out there in the Milky Way,
Where a billion stars call home,
When you look really close,
You'll see that each is alone.

No one less important
When lighting the evening skies,
Yet very few take notice
When one of them dies.

A black hole is created;
A dark shadow is cast,
And only those who are closest
Fear how long this will last.

The void that has been left there
Seems to draw all within.
Only time has the power to
Help the light shine again."

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