You're Not Over It Yet?

[Guest Basketcase]

I lost my grandfather 3 months ago. He died three weeks before my wedding. I'm 28 years old , but when it comes to dealing with the loss of my grandfather I feel like a child. I feel helpless and lost and even a little crazy sometimes. The sadness in my heart just overwhelms me. I know it's up to me to get a grip on this grieve, and stop letting it control me, but when it's time to press forward I just can't. Is this normal? My grandfather and I were very close, I'd say kindered spirts. He was my best friend. I have other friends and another Best friend in my husband, but it's not the same. Nobody understands what I'm going through, and I just think that they think I should just get over it already. I think about him everyday and especially at night before I go to bed. I just don't know what to do. Is there anything I can do to feel normal again?

[amanda]

hi,

im sorry for your loss,it sounds as though your grandfather was a very special man.

what you are feeling is very normal,i lost my mum 10 months ago,my dad 12 years ago and i still find it hard and feel like a child unable to get a grip.

Its early days 3 months is no time at all.

shell said to me to take day by day or even moment by moment and she was right.

Its really helped me posting on this board feeling like other people understand,when you feel your the only person in the world feeling such strong sometimes uncontrolable feelings its a comort to know your not going totally mad.

from amanda

[Paul S]

Hi basketcase (and we ALL feel just that way, early on, and sometimes months, years later)

Anyway, I agree with amanda, that this is the place to be and to learn about grieving. You know, what is normal and so forth. You'll find lots of people here who've been through things similar to what you're going through, and will to come.

Sometimes its just great to be able to talk to people who understand.

With regard to what you can do to feel normal again? You may find that you will have to redefine just what is 'normal'. You had a major loss and a part of you was ripped away. That version of 'you' can't come back, but you can work through your grief and heal. Healing takes time, and at different speeds for some.

No one has any business telling you that you should be over it already. You grieve at your own pace, and as amanda quoted shell, take it one day at a time. Eventually you'll see the proverbial 'light at the end of the tunnel' and emerge. And if you faced the grief and worked it through without running away from it, you'll be stronger for it. It's hard to se it now, and I do know about that. I felt as if my mind was breaking apart 4 months after my Mom died. But I got through it with the help of this board and some face-to-face grief counseling. You can get that, and prob for free, at a hospice or some other type of bereavement center. Try it if its available. Otherwise, go to a bookstore and see what's there in the 'death and dying' section. I find that reading about grief helps.

You're definitley not alone. And what's better, friendships may develop. They can't replace the loved ones we've lost, but they can make up for what is lacking in family and friends that just don't get it.

Take care.

[Guest Guest]

dealing with losses of strong magnitudes (or any, really) is much more profound than most people realise. when i lost my mom, people were very empathic for a month or so, but then it went back to business as usual, even though it didnt.

the worst thing i ever did was ignore that feeling.

[shell]

Basketcase,

I couldn't give you any better advice than Paul did. He really hit on some important points. He is so right about re-defining what "normal" is, cause your "old" normal will never be the same. I never thought about it that way until he said it.

Hang in there,

Shell