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Hard to find words


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It's been 31.5 months since my beautiful Mary passes.  I find it so hard to find words to express pain and also to express sympathy to others.  Why are words so hard?  ?

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I think the words are hard because we want to talk to THEM and we can't.  Even talking to others in the same situation brings up questions to explain our relationship when our spouses knew everything.  Lots of time we didn't need many words.  It was known.  Also telling others revives the living it again.  That is why I shy away when people tell me details or ask about mine.  Once was enough and seared into my brain anyway.  I certainly don't want to poke at them and wake them up more than they do already.  I'm at 34 months and words elude me at times to describe this nightmare.  Wrong word, nightmares one can wake up from, this we can't.  I know what you mean about wanting to express empathy too.  I really try and want to, but sometimes I am so locked in my pain I have to remind myself others are suffering too.  We are the perfect people to understand, but we get drained so easily.  Many times I'm just running on empty.

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