Multiple Losses

[Kasey06]

Hey, i'm new here and I was just wondering if others had dealt with not one significant loss but several over a short period of time. My first year of college my grandfather passed away from cancer, then a year later my grandmother died unexpectedly following what was supposed to be a simple surgery. A year later my mom died unexpectedly, I went upstairs and found her on the floor, the doctors called it sudden cardiac death. Her heart just stopped and that was it, she was pronounced at our house. Then a year later my other grandmother died following years of declining health. She just died the end of this past january. My parents got divorced when I was a baby and my dad isn't really a part of my life, isn't capable of being a dad. My stepfather lives on the other side of the country and has since remarried and doesn't want to be a father, he wants to be more of a friend. I rarely hear from him. I just turned 23 and I feel so alone. I lost the 4 most important people in my life in a period of 4 years and I just don't know how to deal with it.

People always say it gets easier as time goes by but for me it doesn't. My mom was only 42 years old, she's the one I am having the hardest time dealing with. We were like best friends, we were so close. Each day is so hard to get up and make myself get through, each day is another I don't get to share with my mom. She is supposed to be here. I just feel like i've lost such a huge part of myself and at times I don't even know if I do want to go on. I don't have much family left.

How do you deal with such a large loss? Everyone I depended on and loved has been taken away.

[BarbJ]

Hi Kasey06. I read your story today and I really felt for you. I too lost several people. I lost my Mother who was my best friend & the only person I could rely on May 5, 2001. I am the second of five children. My sister who was the oldest & I handled most of the arrangements. A week later my sister & I started handling things for our sister who is mental retarded. I was the executor of my mothers estate. My sister went along with things while my mother was alive, but once we started taking care of my sister she wanted to take over. Well my sister & I got into a arguement & we never spoke again. My sister passed away from breast cancer 11-27-02. I was so heart broken to learn she had passsed & did not tell my brothers or sister she was that bad off. Then I lost my father 6-14-04. So I know what it's like to lose everyone you cared for. It's not easy for me even after all this time. Not a day goes by that I don't miss my mother or wish I could go back & change things with my sister. I recently moved a year ago to another state because things were too hard for me. Every day is a struggle, but I know I'll see them one day. Take care I hope things get better for you.

[shell]

Dear Kasey and Barb,

I lost my uncle (my very favorite relative) Jan '05, my dad got sick at the end of Feb.'05 and died a month later, both from lung cancer that was very unexpected (neither had smoked in 35-40 yrs. and no, they weren't related), then a week after my dad died, my moms cousin died, a week after that one of our fur babies died very unexpectedly, and about three weeks after that a dear friend died. So, yeah, I can relate to multiple deaths. It just feels like a big black hole opened up and sucked away all your loved ones. It is horrible, but I think it is just as horrible if you lose ONE loved one, so I guess the numbers don't matter. But it certainly brings up a "dark cloud hanging over us" feeling.

I'm so sorry for both of your loses and hope that things get better for you...they will. It's been a little over a year since my nightmare began and I am still doing good some days and not so good others, so it takes a long time,I guess, to heal, if you ever do! As one of my moms doctors said, "It never goes away, but with time, you learn to cope with it better."

Good luck to both of you,

Shell