Not Sure How To Feel...

[Daddy's Girl]

Hi everyone,

I have been on this post before, not long after my father died. It really helped to talk and share with others who felt similiar to the way I felt. I lost my father in December 2005. It was a very hard time for me especially since I was Daddy's Girl. Before my dad got sick and before he died, my husband and I were trying to get pregnant. Then after he died I decieded I wasn't ready and we stopped trying for a while. Well in the past two months or so I wanted to try again. I found that I couldn't pass a baby or even baby clothes in the store without stopping and looking. So, my husband and I started trying again and low and behold this month we got pregnant. I am almost 6 weeks along. I was doing okay, and believing that it was the right time for us to start our family. Isn't the saying "when one life ends another begins?" However, last night was really hard. For some reason I just started sobbing while I was trying to fall asleep, I was missing my dad really bad. I starting thinking about funny times and the expressions on his face and I relaized my child is never going to see those things. I just keep thinking I was doing so good, I hadn't cried or felt sad in about a month. I know that for me the pregnancy hormones have played a small role in my emotional roller coaster the past couple days, but I am not sure how to not feel so sad. I want to be a mom more than anything in the world, but now I can't help but wonder was it too soon? Any thoughts on the subject would be great. Anyone else experience the same or similiar situations? Anything would help.

Dayna

[Ell]

Hi Dayna,

Congratulations on your pregnancy. I felt sad when I was pregnant that my daughter would never grow up knowing either of her Grandfathers. I decided to scan pictures of her immediate family members that had passed into my computer. Originally I was going to print them all and make an album for her. I'd like to say I did that but I ran out of time before her birth and after that I had NO time. She just turned 4 recently and I've started scanning and repairing old pictures again. She's old enough now to really enjoy seeing them and hearing stories about them. When I get enough pictures together I will give them to a friend of mine who has a computer program that puts a slideshow to music. She has offered to do this already. I will use the song by Train called, "When I Look to the Sky". My own personal interpretation of that song is that he's singing it to departed loved ones or probably just one in particular. Other people may interpret it more religiously. Anyway, for me it is a way to pay tribute to my loved ones whom have passed while sharing their pictures with my daughter. Maybe some kind of project with your father as the subject would help your child get to know all about him. And as I remember the pregnancy hormones don't help at all! The second trimester is better. Hang in there.

Hugs,

Ell

[Daddy's Girl]

That is a really good idea. I have a slide show that I made for my dad, for use at his memorial. I love making scrapbooks and things like so I think that will not only be good for the baby, but probably very theraputic for me.

Thanks for the suggestion.

[Ell]

You're very welcome! Good luck with the project.

Hugs,

Ell