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today I feel like I'm mourning my brother's death. his death was a long time ago, but I'm still mourning it. he died by suicide nearly two decades ago. the weeks and months leading to his death still trouble me. 

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I am so very sorry that your brother died in such a tragic way. Is there something about this time of year that may have triggered your feeling troubled? You might ask yourself, "Why now?" Or is this a generalized feeling that you've always had? Death by suicide is one of the most difficult kinds of loss to endure, so I'm not at all surprised that you are "still mourning it." We never "get over" the death of someone close to us ~ and if we work at it, we find ways to carry the burden of the loss. And remember too that death may have ended your brother's life, but it did not end the relationship you had with him. He is still your brother, he will always be your brother, and his life was so much more than the moment and the manner in which he died.

You don't say what, if any, understanding and support were available to you at the time, but if this death happened nearly 20 years ago, I can assure you that we've learned a whole lot more about suicide and the grief that comes in its wake than we knew back then. See, for example, Grief Support for Survivors of Suicide Loss ~ and know that you are most welcome to share more of your story with us. We are here for you, and we are listening . . . ❤️

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