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I am so sorry for your loss and then to have to be dealing with this on top of it, it's a lot.  

You don't have to "pick" anyone, perhaps it'd be best not to.  Try not to do anything of lasting consequence right now, it's very hard to make good decisions when in grief fog, which is pretty common after loss.  I would tell your grandpa that I'm sorry he feels that way, that your stepdad has been a wonderful parent to you and you don't want him facing his loss totally alone.  Period.  Try not to make judgments/accusation/ultimatums.  He will know how you feel, what he does with it is up to him.  Then I would make sure my stepfather knew how much I loved and cared for him, how much I appreciated him and cared about his loss.  You can't control your grandfather, all you have control over is what you do.  Your stepfather lost the same person as you, but not the same relationship.  It is likely hitting him on every aspect of life, I have been there...it's been almost 14 years since my husband died and there has not been one day he hasn't been on my mind and in my heart.

I encourage you to try a grief support group and if your stepdad hasn't already, see if he will consider going to a grief counselor or grief support group.  It helps to know there's someone out there that has been through it or maybe has help when you're floundering on your own, not knowing how to begin to handle the pain of the loss.

Maybe you can take some time/space before you reply to your grandpa, I often do that when it's an emotionally charged situation where I feel like ripping someone's head off...it gives me time to cool down and be more restrained in my approach...not saying you aren't, just stating what helps me.

I hope you'll continue to come here and post, it does help to get it out and know there's someone on the other end listening.  :wub:

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