Having A Hard Day.. Just Need To Let A Little Out

[cridoubleti]

I am not sure if I should really be posting here. But i feel like I need to share. I lost my father a long time ago. Well to me not a long time but to others yes. My father died when I was 11 of a massive heart attack. He wasnt the most healthy guy and to some people it wasnt shocking. The only thing that shocked people was his age. My father died when he was 42 and when I look back on it I really thought he was old then. Now I realize that he was very young. I was the one that found him on that Friday before Fathers day. A lot of people are still looking at me now thinking "Well its already been almost 12 year now cant you she just get over it?". Honestly I wish I could but as my mom has said to me over and over and over again that I will never fully get over it but I will learn to live with it. It has gotten a lot easier since time has past but it still gets really hard around this time. He passed away on the 17th of June. That was a friday, My brothers birthday was the next day on Saturday. And on Sunday was Fathers day. As my brother still says till this day, He is so glad that he can get his depressing weekend over and done with all in a matter of a few days. I on the other hand really span it out of the year. I always have bad days during the holiday because that was my fathers favorite time of the year. He love decoratiing the house with lights and getting the Christmas tree. Also, every year around my birthday I really struggle because well its like a milestone for me that I keep getting older and hes not there to see it. *sigh* Well as I blabber on and on. I am just having having a hard day. Thank for listening (or reading )

[MartyT]

Dear One,

As Father's Day and the anniversary of your father's death lie just over the horizon, it's not surprising to me that you're "having a hard day." And as you so wisely observe, when someone so important to us has died, there are many special days throughout the year that can be especially hard ones for us. Your mother is right: you will never, ever "get over" this loss of your father; over time you just find ways to live with the reality of it, as you find different ways to carry your father's memory, his love and his legacies with you into the future.

I want to point you to two earlier posts in this forum that discuss dealing with the death of a parent at an early age. Although in these two cases the parent who died was a mother rather than a father, I think the content of the messages may be of particular interest to you:

Can't Sleep, posted on Feb. 14, 2006

Gone and Forgotten, posted on May 9, 2005

Wishing you peace and healing,

Marty T