Dear Mama Please don't leave i love you so much

[Mama I love you]

Dear Mama,

Everything is happening so fast and my heart hurts every time I think about you. One minute you were there vibrant and alive  taking a millions pictures on our vacation. The next you're lying in a hospital bed the doctors telling us that we should consider hospice or therapy but you be bedridden and continue to have strokes. I don't even know if you know who we are. I just want to hear your voice. I want the mama that always welcome me home, tell me to come eat dinner, call me to see if I'm safe, tell me to be careful, ask me if I'm okay and keep the house clean and remember to lock the doors, and tie red strings to protect me for all the bad. Who leaves little weird things in my car, on my key chain, in my room because you believe that it will protect from me from evil spirits that will do me harm. Mama, I know you suffer a lot in your young life, being an orphan due to war when you were only 6, bouncing around from relatives to relatives, to be married to a man who always cheats on you and steal from you. I know you only stay with him because of us. You wanted your children to have a mother and father like you never did. You knew that without parents in our culture they will look down on us and won't respect us. So you endure everything for us. You stayed home and made sure we had an education because you couldn't read or write. Even when you didn't have a car you would walk us to and from school. You bought whatever I needed or wanted because you never had them. You scrounge and save to I can get a cheap laptop so I can go to college because that was the only gift I wanted since I knew you didn't have the money. I wanted to travel more with you. We've already planned your 60th birthday. We wanted to take you to Australia again. We wanted to take you for France. To Disney world because you would love animal kingdom. To go see uncle of them in Minnesota and Wisconsin. To the zoo. We wanted to take you to more places because you never got to travel. Mama, I can't do this without you. I just can't. Even though you haven't gone yet I know it's only a matter of time according to the doctors. I'm constantly praying for a miracle to whoever may listen. Whatever religion. To be able to hear call my name again. Mama I miss you so much please don't leave us. You're the only parent we have. MAMA PLEASE DON'T LEAVE US!!!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!

[kayc]

I'm so sorry you're going through this.  

https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2009/11/anticipatory-grief-and-mourning.html