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My entire life was attended by an quiet sadness. My son's with a not-so-quiet anxiety, which grew stronger age. I watched as he passionately honored choice after choice that made his life harder. Intellectually gifted, he suffered through living on this planet most of his adult years. Now I know why. 

I hadn't spoken to my son in a few months, and then one night. during meditation he came to me - face floating there. I held his head, my forehead to his. I apologized to him for imposing my expectations on him. I met him with sincerity and love. The next day, a friend called me about a R.I.P. facebook post, and shortly thereafter the detective called.  


The following evening, In bed, half dreaming, a familiar negative entity came to me, gloating that he had won. This was the same entity that I had been in a battle with for years, "you can't have my son" I would tell it. At first it scared me, then something came over me and fear and anger transmuted into love and compassion. Surprisingly, the negative entity turn soft, kind and full of gratitude. My son had carried this energy most of his adult years. My unexpected love and compassion had freed the entity ... freed us all.

We three had some very rough  past Karma together. We had all agreed that in this lifetime, we would take on this task of suffering, in order to free a very confused (not a negative entity at all) Soul.

During the first week after my son's death, I could tune into him from time to time. At first he was confused, so I held him energetically, for as long as it took. With time, I saw my son light, happy and pure ... excited about what is next.  If I would find myself wallowing in the sadness, the loss. I would hear him say "Mom, I'm up here ... meet me up here."

I am grateful to have partnered with my son to help another Soul ascend. I believe he chose his father, step-father and I,  knowing  that we would be able to aid him with his exit. His father, a Kahuna in Hawaii, and my husband, a Buddhist Priest are attending to his afterlife in the most loving a respectful manner. I saw him through the "inbetween" part.  And of course, we all have Karma invested in this as well. Deep learnings for us all.

I do still feel the unimaginable pain, sorrow and loss. I do still feel the guilt, and the "why why why".  But I know in my heart, that this is not where the highest truth lives. The truth lives in having the honor of helping a confused Soul to move on. Finally, it all makes sense.

I fully understand what our society terms as "addiction" now. And the ignorance and fear that causes them to judge folks who have agreed to carry the negative entities. After all, until this experience I had judgement and fear as well. However, I now know that these people are our heroes, and my heart has grown an emotional maturity which includes compassion and universal wisdom. 

We are all one, and that includes positive and negative. Addicts carry the negative so we don't have to. May we all transform our discomfort and fear around "addiction" to love and compassion.

Love is the cure for us all.

Thank you for hearing me.

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I am sorry for your loss.

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