People I Work With

[becca]

My father went into cardiac arrest and died 8 months ago. I have no other family and am living alone. Since that time I have largely confided in my coworkers about my sadness. I am 42 and the majority of my coworkers are in their 20s. It has been a time of crisis , to say the least and a very heartbreaking time for me. I have took it one day at a time. Alot of days I have came in crying and have confided in people I work with.

Recently I have the feeling that my coworkers think I'm crazy. One of the people I confided in the most made a joke that I am "mental". I also had a really bad experience with someone, a male, that I considered to be a friend. He made a really harsh statement to me at work. I blew up with him afterward on the phone and he apologized and said that he considered me one of his closest friends. Then, he turned right around and reported me to human resources. I really thought these people were friends, but I guess not. I am sad about this in addition to my dad's death. Any advice? I have had such difficulty lately that I am starting to take Paxil. I dont know if its wise.

[kellymarie]

Becca, I am so sorry to hear about your loss of your dad. I am also sorry to hear how difficult things are for you at work. It's like the last thing you need to deal with now, right? Just into my second month after my Josh's death, I had to spend a month working with a male, completely uncaring, unloving coworker. I had even spoken to him many other times during the previous year about my relationship with Josh, and was actually rollerblading with him the day Josh died. So, I thought he’d at least be the tiniest bit understanding. Well, as the month wore on, he kept saying things about how I should be over it by now, etc. I even tried explaining to him about the grief process, and how our society, as a whole, does not deal well with grieving people. He would always reply with “I don’t understand why you’re so upset,” “You should be over it, etc.” One day he actually said to me that employers would not want to hire me because I am emotionally unstable! I was absolutely on the verge of tears, but all I could think was that if I did cry, I would only further substantiate his claim! Fortunately, it was at the end of the day, so I held it together until I left work and cried my eyes out on the way home. From that day forward, I never said a SINGLE word to him again about Josh or my grief. I’m the type of person who likes to talk about what’s going on in my life with my coworkers. I’m at work so much, I feel like they are my family sometimes. But, I realized that HE was the one with the true issues, not me. He couldn’t handle a person with any true human emotions. I basically chalked it up to it being sad that he is so unloving and lacks empathy. So it sounds like this guy at your work has similar issues to the one I work with. A true friend would have never called human resources. I think your best strategy is to never speak to him about personal issues; it may only cause more harm to you. And you deserve so much better! Just try to keep it professional from this point on with him. You could never be faulted for that.

As for anti-depressants, it’s a completely individual decision. My friends, at one point, all urged me to start anti-depressants. And I strongly considered. I absolutely believe anti-depressants are good in the right situation. I started doing a lot of reading, and really honestly looked at myself and my mental well-being. I realized that all that I was going through was part of the normal grief process. Some of the books I read even will recommend when you should seek professional help if you are having certain issues. So maybe reading, doing real, honest self reflection, and talking to a counselor or who ever prescribed your anti-depressants will help you come to the best decision for you.

I am so sorry you are having such a difficult time, but I am glad you have found this site. We are here to listen. Kelly

[shell]

Becca,

I, too, am so sorry for your loss and your "aloneness". It is so hard to go through grief without any support and the situation you are having at work is just so unbelievable. People can be so selfish and stupid. I have to agree with Kellymarie. I wouldn't talk to him anymore about anything personal. It will just end up hurting you more and that's the last thing you need right now. Coming to this board is one way to "talk" about your grief in a safe, caring place. And a counselor or grief support group is a great option too.

I started taking an antidepressant after my dad died, for anxiety attacks, and am still on them. They practically saved my life, so I feel that if you need them, you should take them. But it is a really personal thing and you may not really need them. Only you and your doctor can decide that.

Come here and talk all you want. It's a great place, with people who really care and is so therapeutic.

Hugs to you,

Shell

[STARKISS]

Hi Becca,

I am very, very, sorry for your lost and can not imagine the pain you must be feeling at this time. I know how hard it is when someone dies and you have to deal with people you work with. My old boss did not understand and treat people respectfully when they lost someone close to them. She expected you to come back to work right away. When my mom died it took me three months to feel well enough to go back to work. That was also being stronly encourage to as well. But four months later I was saying good bye to my dad and again I was strongly told to report back to work after just three weeks. Finally I just said I could not work anymore for a person who did not respected her staff and I quit. Afer I left my two friends lost loved ones and the same thing happened. Now my old boss is feeling the grief because her dad is dying. I found out later that this is the first time someone close died around her. So I really do not know what to think. Take care of yourself and I will pray for you Shelley