GF broke up with me after losing her father

[LostBF]

I'm posting this because I feel lost and I'm having a hard time finding anyone in a similar situation.

So my ex-gf and I started dating (officially) in march 2023. We were a great couple. We both never felt that way before and we agreed on so many things in life. We talked about our futures, about moving in together, having babies, getting married, etc. Late July, her father, who had been sick for a very long time, started to get worse. At the time, things weren't looking good but there was still hope. However, when we returned from our 2-week vacation in mid-August, things were really looking bad. It seemed like there was little hope left and that he only had weeks/months left to live. Late Septembre, her father sadly passed away.

The weeks right before and the months after her father died were extremely difficult for her. I wanted to support her but I hadn't found out the best way to do so yet. At the same time, she kinda isolated herself instead reaching out to me for support, which made matters harder. But she just said she preferred processing this on her own, so I have her the space she needed (while staying there for support). 

In January/February, we had a serieus discussion about how we handled the grief. I admitted i made a lot of mistakes and that i wish i had known better. And she understood that it was not easy for me to know how to support her, especially since we were only dating for 6 months at the time. Afterwards, she opened up more and I felt like i was doing a better job at being there for her.

Despite the latter, our relationship did not feel the same. Physical initmacy only happened very rarely. But I believe this to be normal and I certainly didn't pressure her. She often mentioned that physical initmacy was hard. But there was some progress. 

Last month, I felt kinda anxious about our relationship bc I had this feeling that my girl had a hard time processing the loss of her father. And i felt like i was gonna loose her bc she needed to focus on her energy of grieving.

This weekend, she decided to end things for two main reasons. 

1) she said she felt lost and was really struggling. Therefore she needed to go look for what she wanted in life again. And she couldn't do this while in a relationship

2) she doens't feel in love anymore and she thinks of me as her best friends rather than bf bc of the lack of physical intimacy. 

 

When breaking up, she said she hadn't met anyone as sweet as me, that she's happy for what we had bc i showed her what a good relationship looks like, that she felt great in my presence and that she will always like/love me. 

I understand she needs the space but i had hopened she didn't take this decision yet. Why? Bc, for professional reasons, I was going to go abroad from july till november anyway. 

The second thing I'm struggling with. And I hope people in similar situation can respond to this part. I wanna know if there's any chance she's gonna come back. If our relationship was that great before, if she can't point out to anything why she doesn't feel in love (except for feeling lost herself) then why couldn't we get together again when she processed everything better and doesn't feel lost anymore.

 

Thanks for reading this. 

I know it's a long message but I feel like the complete explanation is necessary.

 

P.S. 

We're 23 years old. She didn't ghost me or break-up disrespectfully. She explained and she was there to support me. We left, both hurt, and told we were gonna stay in touch and were gonna support each other. She told me she's not sure if she's making the right call, and she told me she realises she makes a selfish decision.

[kayc]

19 hours ago, LostBF said:

I wanna know if there's any chance she's gonna come back.

No.  And I say this only because I believe you need the truth to proceed best for YOU.  If you read all of the threads in this section you will notice there are commonalities, that being one of them.  Most of these are people who broke up because one of them was grieving a death.  Not anyone's fault.  And they never got back together.  Sometimes strung along for a while, but never ended up back together.  Years ago two of them looked like they were going to make it, but they later messaged me that they did not.

I am so sorry you are going through this, I know it's painful.  

My advice is to do things in your best interest even as you realize she is doing the same in hers.  You can't focus so much on her now that you neglect YOU.  Open your life up to those who are supportive, your family and friends.  Seek groups/interests that are like minded, if you like sports or gardening, or books or whatever, be around those who do also.  

Congratulations on your upcoming trip abroad, it'll be here before you know it!