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My Shadow


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I cant seem to move on at least a little, its been 6 months and it gets worse everday.. i am just devestated i dont care about anything.. i feel like im in a deep depression i dont want to go to work, get out of bed, be with people, i just want my cat back, I am so angry and the anger just gets worse everyday I refuse to go to church cause i am MAD AT HIM for taking my cat away from me.. the more i think about it the worse i get..

i swear i think people think im nuts.. They tell me it will get better & i snap at them and say WHY ARE YOU BRINGING MY CAT BACK>???

and they just look @ me like im crazy.. !

whats crazy is i am so worried that he is alone and he wont play with the others up there he never liked anyone but me and now i have let him down by not being there for him.

i just want to be with him.. i just want to hold him and kiss him and have him stare at me again like i am the only person who mattered to him GOD i miss that look i miss those eyes those crazy meows and Most of all his love.. the love he gave me unconditionaly the love he gave me even after i yelled at him not to eat plastic or after i had to cut his nails which he hated and he would come right back to me and love me!!!

all i want is him back with me where he belongs.. and i know nothing will bring him back.. Its me that has to get to him!!

We had a deal... he wasnt supposed to die! i would tell him all the time shadow you just cant ever die on me i will have to be put in a rubber room... and the worst part is i feel like i really NEED a rubber room.. i am going nuts without him..

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  • 2 weeks later...

I recently lost my cat, Iris, whom I had for 17 years. I knew she was going, she was 19 and had kidney failure in the end, but I still wasn't prepared.

I miss her and her little ways and how she used to just gaze at me with such love and affection... I had to euthanize her in the end...she was semi catatonic going in and out of consciousness....severely dehydrated, her body wouldn't hold fluids, and the toxins were so high in her body that it was causing random body movements. I knew she wanted me to make the pain stop...her last look at me when she woke me that morning before collapsing just said "please make it go away...." When I left the Vet's office I could feel a sense of thanks and relief from her. Sometimes I feel her near...I think animals have the option of staying with us here as spirits or moving back and forth between heaven and with us. My only solace is that she is no longer in pain and that she can run and play like she used to when young, without arthritis, old joints, fading eyesight...

I hope that you can get through your loss....no one and nothing can bring your shadow back to this plane but take comfort that your cat is with you as a spirit shadow...if you think you see a cat from the corner of your eye, it was probably his spirit form...I woke to see Iris laying beside me watching me intently but when I realized what I saw and opened my eyes again...she was gone...but I know she was there. They are with us still.

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  • 3 weeks later...


I've just lost my cat and I ride the wave of emotions. I can literally say that the life just seems less. Gone is the shine when the sun rises and sets. Gone is that fresh spring smell. Gone is looking forward to something new.

Every once in awhile, not very often, I realize Roo taught me something. And for one brief moment I can smile. But alas, I come back to the real world and realize he's not here to share it me with.

I can't feel your pain, but I know what mine is like, and it's not fun. You've not posted in some time so I hope some of the pain has disapated. For me I don't believe it will be ever gone.

Best wishes.

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I'm so sorry for your loss. What a precious baby your Shadow was, and is. Special beyond words. I cried as I read your note.

My beliefs are that your Shadow is having more fun, more bliss than he ever experienced on earth (even though you are the greatest Mom in the "earth realm" wub.gif). Beyond this earthly plane, though, I believe that God loves Shadow even more than you do (I know it's hard to even believe that it's possible and that wasn't meant to belittle your relationship to Shadow!! It's just that I think that we humans don't have the capacity to experience love at the highest plane) Shadow is experiencing complete bliss and love---without any earthly problems or pains--no emotional pain like loneliness, etc. etc. Those problems belong only to us still here in our physical forms. You and I will know this ultimate bliss and love, too, when it's our time. I compare it to being in a really wonderful dream, where there is no concept of time (and therefore, no concept of being without our loved ones) or space. So please try not to worry about Shadow. He's without space or time---enveloped in pure bliss.

Shadow knows you'll be reunited with each other and I truly believe that he wants you to be able to go on and live a fulfilling life. ...I know this must sound impossible.... But I believe it was his time for his physical self to pass on--for whatever reason. But because he loves you so much (love is a 2-way street, and he wants the best for you, as you would for him----even though you're the Mom here), and he knows you are "stuck" in your human earthly body for the time being, he wants you to make the best of it. I truly believe that. Even if he had lived to be 25 years old, you would live longer, because his soul was housed in a cat's body, while yours is in a human body.

If you can, talk to God and thank Him for taking care of your sweet boy Shadow, because I'm sure He is. [some religions, it seems, don't include animals as God's precious creatures, but I absolutely know that animals are God's creatures (in fact, I think animals are also God's test to us and that those who treat animals---beings of a different species, but no less worthwhile---with compassion are the most loving people there are). Personally, I believe it is Man's interpretation of God's Word that says animals are beneath us. The Bible even says that we have dominion over them; but dominion only means care... and to do no harm]. ....Sorry for all this religious talk, but I noticed you had said you hadn't been going to church.... If your church is one which doesn't honor animals as God's creatures (and a lot of human-dictated religions don't), I certainly don't blame you for staying away!!! I stopped going to my own church when I saw that it was hypocritical when it came to the Golden Rule. The Golden Rule includes animals! Ultimately, God = compassion. And that most definitely includes all of His creatures. wub.gif

I hope you stay in touch. After I lost my Little Girl (cat), I didn't want to face a life without her and it was like a terrifying nightmare to think that I was stuck here---for probably many more years---without her!!!!!! But I truly believe all of the things I said to you. That's why I'm able to move ahead... with sadness and tears but also with some smiles now (I was able to look at her pictures the other day without falling apart). But the only way I'm able to do this is with support. I'm on 3 different pet-loss grief-support groups, and I've only been associating with people in my life who are supportive/sensitive to my grief. .....Speaking of which, I may have just broken up a 15-year friendship because my "friend" wasn't supportive... long story...... I do have faith that Little Girl is just fine, and that things are happening as they're supposed to. I think that life is difficult overall but I believe I'm here for certain reasons--spiritual growth, etc.--and when I die it will be bliss (like what Shadow and Little Girl are experiencing--and we will be with them then. But we can't rush it before our time has come). I've gone on too long already with this post (!!!) but there are many reasons I believe in all this.

Much love to you. Please keep in touch. I want to hear how you are doing!

-Little Girl's Mommy, Kathy

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