Family Promises

[STARKISS]

Hi All,

I do not know about anyone else but my family was so very, very close before my parents died... We saw each other at least once a week and had dinner with at least one of the family every Sunday but now it is like pulling teeth who wants to gether any more. I find it very difficult especially during this part of the season because we were always together but now it is just alot of fake and unrealistic promises made by the family just so it sounds good to one another but in the end all it is...Being Fake Take care Shelley

[STARKISS]

Hi All,

I do not know about anyone else but it is not just family who brake promises it is friends too... I just find it hard because I am not used to people braking promises with me but since the deaths of my parents I find it happens alot more of the time... Does this happen to anyone else???? Shelley

[AnnetteAZ]

Shelley,

It is true that sometimes the glue that holds it all together is really just one person. It sounds to me like your family lost that. It is very common and so is probably natural. It's not just family but whole social structures. I was a very happy and content accessory to my man's amazing life. Now he's gone and so is everything and everybody. I wasn't the one who made that life and I don't know how he did it. I want to blame alot of people but the truth is that it's really just me. I'm the one who can't make my own new life...those who have gone on with theirs really can't be expected to make one for me too. I'm trying to be grateful for the wonderful time that he gave me but honestly I'm just too overwhelmed by the loss of all that was familiar and comforting. I know you must be too. I have been trying to expect the very least out of life so that any small thing will seem like a special gift. It gets easier with practice. And remember too that with death of the family patriarch/matriarch, the entire dynamics of family relationships changes. It's pretty unlikely that it will ever be the same. That's another part of our loss that most of us never expected. Maybe some families cope just fine, but I suspect that more struggle than we realize. You have all my sympathy for your plight.

[STARKISS]

Hi AnnetteAZ,

Thank you for replying to my post, It is certainly nice to know that people really do understand and care about what others are going through... I hope you are doing better and God Bless You Shelley

[kayc]

Holidays are always hard. My son is back home living with me again, temporarily, although I don't see that much of him. Last night he announced to me that his time was all spoken for this weekend (Easter). I am used to having the kids on holidays, either Sat. or Sun. (Their dad and I divorced and they divide their time between us) and I had already purchased the food, made cards, gotten them treats, etc., even though they're in their 20s now. How do I handle it? Well that's one reason I remarried...I wanted to rebuild my life, I know I can't count on kids to be there for me, I need to make my own way. But that hasn't turned out as planned (he moved back to his old city because his job didn't pan out so he's 3 1/2 hours away from me). My choice isn't for everyone, I'm just saying, it was a consideration in my decision making. My mom made us kids her life and that's been tough for us, I didn't want to do that to my kids. As for friends, they haven't been there. I don't know where they all went. I have tried calling, they don't even return calls. I don't get it.

Edited April 6, 2007 by kayc

[STARKISS]

Hi KayC,

Thanks so much for sharing and for replying to this post... I do believe families need each other especially through hard times so I hope you and your family become stronger as a result to all that has happen to you... The same wish to my family I guess we just have to hang on to the hope that we all get through what we are going through and become stronger for it... God Bless you and Take care Shelley