My Heart Is Shattered Without My Brother

[brokensoul]

I've read many posts on this site and I'm so sorry to you all. I too lost my younger brother, Tom, on June 19th, 2006. He was only 24. He was my only sibling. He died in a terrible car accident. He was drinking and driving. He was the only person that died. No other cars were involved. He went off the side of the road, overcorrected and went off the other side down into a ditch crashing into several trees. They say he died instantly, but only God knows that forsure. I am so angry right now. I miss him so so so much. Words fail to express my feelings. My family is so sad. I am trying to be strong for my mom, dad, my husband, and my two-year old daughter, but I'm falling apart on the inside. I just can't imagine living the rest of my life without him and I hate the fact that my daughter won't even remember him (other than what she hears when she grows up). Tom was a great brother, uncle, son and friend. There were almost 500 people at his funeral. I wear a necklace that holds his ashes everyday, but I find it hard to even look at his picture or think about him. I try to block it all out. It's just too much to deal with. I pray for a sign from him, but either they never come or I miss them. I just need to know he is okay. We weren't raised in a religious family, so I'm not exactly sure what his beliefs were about God and death etc. And that is so hard for me. If anyone wants to talk to me and can relate to this, PLEASE email me. I need to talk to someone who can actually relate to this, not just people that think they can. My email address is: amymspecht@yahoo.com I'd love to hear from you if you've been through this too. Thank you all for listening. God bless you and your family.

[LoriS.]

Dear Broken Soul, I don't have any great words of wisdom for you as I had a completely different situation. My mom passed away in Oct. 06' and it was the saddest thing I've ever gone through. I'm so very sorry about your loss and the circumstances around it. Please know everyone here cares.

Lori

[Janine]

Anger was my first emotion. I pictured my sister lying in bed, knowing she should go to the hospital, but telling herself she had an appointment Monday and she would be fine until then. She wasn't and she died on Sunday. How could she do that to her family and her children? Well she did and there is nothing I can do about it so I let the anger go. Don't get me wrong, I still have it pop up every now and then, but again, I get it out and then let it go.

The words are there and they will come. It is never to late to let it out. I keep a journal and write letters to her. I know she hears me and she understands my frustration. I have 7 brothers and another sister and it has devastated us all. Marty wrote me a letter and mentioned fears of our own mortality. It had been hanging out there but I could not put words to it until she brought it up. She was the baby, how could she go first, who would be next? My parents are old and will I lose them soon?

I keep Teresa's picture in my bedroom. Her smile greets me every morning. For the first few weeks I cried whenever I saw it, now it comforts me. We all react differently. You have to do what is right for you.

It helps to keep coming back here. I read every day and sometimes I get into a flurry of writing, like now. I want you to understand what help I have found here just knowing that I was not the only one whose life was no longer what I thought it was. I will be here to listen and maybe it will help.

I don't believe in religion, I believe in faith. Faith tells me that this life here cannot be all there is and that with the day to day life, miracles exist, like your daughter. She will come to know your brother through you. Your bother may or may not have believed in God or a higher truth, but I am sure that someone believed in him. I don't know for sure what Teresa's beliefs were, but I know that I have enough faith for both of us.

Janine

[brokensoul]

Thank you all so much for your care and support. It is so hard but it does help that there are people out there that understand me. I do have faith and my faith is what keeps me going. I'm lucky to have such a wonderful husband and a beautiful and healthy daughter. It's these things that help me make it through each day. All I can do is pray that I will be reunited with my brother someday. Until then I will not be complete, but I will do what I can to live my life because I know thats what he would have wanted for me. Thank you all.