Grief Or Selfishness

[jane99]

I don't know if I am being selfish and feeling sorry for myself or what? Before I lost my father I thought him and I where really close, now it seems like like every time I turn a corner something happens that seems to take that away. ?? Does anyone else have a similair experiences??

[AnnieO]

Jane99

I am not sure if my situation is like yours. After my mom died(Dec 06) we found out so many things about my dad that we never knew. So, on top of losing my mom, I now know I didn't know my dad at all. I look at him now and see a complete stranger. Is this kind of what your post was about? Glad you found this site. Keep coming back.

[jane99]

Ya, that's kinda it. The worst part is that to try to talk to anyone about any feeling unless they are a third party that doesn't know anything, it turns into an arguement. Which in turn just makes me feel free worse because I do not even feel I can turn to my family when I need them most.

[AnnieO]

I am sorry you are going thru such a hard time.

Until I found this website and trusted the people here, I only had my husband and brother to talk to about my dad. My friends where I live do not know the situation and at times it's very lonely. The people here on this site have been understanding, non-judgemental, compassionate and caring. I am trying to deal with my feelings towards my father and move on with my life. I cannot change anything in the past. When did your father die? Do you have friends or a counselor that can help? If there is anything I can do to help, I would like too.

[jane99]

The correspondce alone to the post is helping. He died end of Febraury of 2007, I did not find out he was sick until Dec 2006 and I was expecting a lot more time -- 5 years. He was a very private person, but I think to myself that maybe if he was not private about his sickness we would of had more time for more options......so when I do talk freely about him I think others get mad because he was private. It's so confusing at times.

[AnnieO]

Jane99,

You couldn't have said it any better...it certainly is confusing at times.

You didn't have much time from when you found out your dad was sick,until he died. Did you live close by to him? Do you have siblings? Is your mom alive? I have one brother, he was pretty much in denial during my mom's illness and wasn't around much. Now, my father is dying,and my brother has really stepped up and gotten involved. It's a huge help. I had so much anger towards my dad, I think I have let go of alot of that, I will never have the answers I need, but realized I was only making myself sick by trying to find answers. Take care of yourself and ask people for help if you need it.