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Life Has No Color


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I am new here and am not sure I am even doing this right. I just wanted to get something out there to thank all of you for being there. Your posts have given me some comfort in what is easily the worst period of my life thus far.

I lost my dear baby boy Bruzer of 17 years and my mother both within a few weeks of each other. I am posting this here because, with no disrespect to my mother, the loss of my sweet, amazing, larger than life, better person than most 2 legged people, my son, Bruzer, has hit me even harder than the loss of my mother.

You see, my mother was not in my life much in the last 18 years but my boy, Bruzer was. My wife and I have no human children and we are in our 40's now. I was surprised to read posts by other people who's furbabies are/were their kid(s) and it has made me smile knowing that their are people out there that while we may never meet, truly understand that our kid(s) are no less precious because they are not human!

I am usually very eloquent in my speech and writings but today I am at a loss for words. My boy Bruzer was a Chihuahua-Dachshund mix that without a day of any kind of training, was the best behaved, good-natured, intelligent being I have ever met!

He left this earth on Sunday, at home, in our bed, were he always slept and we are fortunate for that. He was old and had been getting weaker the last few months. How my heart goes out to any of you that have had to make the "decision" for yourselves.

I will close for now and try to write something more......meaningful....worthy of him....to sad now...thank you all again. Bruzers Daddy.

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Hi Bruzers Daddy

First let me extend my heartfelt condolences on the loss of your sweet companion. I understand your grief in many ways: first because I just lost my beloved Nvwati on Sept.28,2007 due to a massive heart attack. He was my baby since his birth 10.5 years ago. It felt like my heart would explode from grief.

Building his memorial website has helped me tremendously in coping with this tremendous loss.

Secondly, I can also relate to how you are grieving in comparison to your mothers death. I too, was estranged from my mother for many many years. All attempts on my part to heal our relationship were ignored. She passed away a year ago May. When she died I found myself unable to cry for her, grieve for her. I was told by who used to be my therapist ( dealing with mother stuff )that I had grieved her my entire life so when she actually died the grieving was done already. This does not mean I didn't love my mother. It just means I already grieved her for years.

I carry no guilt over this, nor do I carry guilt over grieving for Nvwati as I have. There is no right way or wrong way to grieve. We just do it in whatever way our body, mind and spirit directs us to.

Hope this helps you somewhat.

Take care.

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Bruzers Daddy,

I'm also so very sorry for the loss of your fur-child, Bruzer. He looks so adorable in your picture. You can always post more pics of him here, too, if you're up to it. It often feels good to share our babies with others who care.

I'm another one who finds the deaths of my fur-kids much, much harder than any other losses to date, including that of my Mother. Nor have I ever felt any need to apologize for that, as if there's something wrong with that reality. There isn't. They are my CHILDREN, plain and simple, and there was much more invested, emotionally, in them, and my life as their mother, than there had been with my Mother. And I dare say I loved (and still do) them much more than my own Mother loved me, as well. So there's no shame in how I feel; none at all. It's just a fact. I even believe that my Mother now knows and understands just how powerful and beautiful my love for them is, with her new spiritually-based understanding (in the Spirit Kingdom) of how my heart feels. And I don't believe she now faults me for that, as she did when she was here. (but even if she did, that wouldn't change a thing)

Thank you for your empathy for those of us who have had to 'play God', as it is a terrible burden to bear, but I also still remain thankful that, if needed, it's an option for us to take them out of their physical misery at the end. I've had it both ways and would have to say that the emotional impact really depends on the specific circumstances, but in the final analysis, it all hurts regardless. That said, it is a blessing if they can go, unaided, without undue pain and suffering and with us right there to support them - not a scenario I've had the good fortune to experience, however. But it's the one we all wish for, for them and for ourselves. In this sense, you and your wife, and Bruzer of course, have been truly blessed.

Don't worry if the eloquence won't come just yet. Sometimes it's enough of an effort just to keep breathing, especially in the fresher throes of grief. Even after over a year now for my girl's passing, I've not been able to write a formal and fitting tribute for her (though I talk about her here and there) and I'd planned on MORE than one! All in good time, whenever I feel ready, which I sense (and hope) will be soon.

In the meantime, just come here and write whatever you need to for yourself, and we'll listen....

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