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i lost my dad very unexpectedly and suddenly 3 years ago. i was only 15. he was extremly fit and outwardly was the picture of health and yet he went out to the gym one day and never came home. that day changed my life forever, sometimes i get so depressed and in the past i have just wanted to die i miss my dad so much it hurts and it seems so unfair as he was only 40 years old.

the main thing i wanted to say is that although i dont think i will ever get over what happened and although i still find it very hard i have realised recently how important it is that i carry on. to anyone else who is going through what i went through u can get through it, it wont be easy but the most important thing i have learnt is that life is precious. my dad was denied the right to live a full and happy life and as a result has left a devastated family behind him however this wont beat me i intend to live my life to the fullest treasuring every day i have because at the end of the day you have to think about what the person you lost would want you to do now. my dad would want me to live. every one of us who has been through it or is going through it should remeber what our loved ones would wish for us. make them proud and live ur life to its fullest if not for yourself for them. at least that way we can take something positive from what is a traumatic and heartbreaking experience.

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Steph, thank you so much for your positive and encouraging words.

You sound like a very healthy and mature young lady. Since you lost your dad so suddenly and unexpectedly, and when you yourself were so young, I’m wondering if you could share with the rest of us what you think has helped you to get through this difficult and most devastating experience.

How did you get to the place you are now?

What have you found helpful, and not so helpful, as you’ve traveled your own grief journey?

What have you learned that you can share with others, who may be newer to this experience?

We are grateful for whatever wisdom you’re willing to offer.

Most sincerely,

Marty T

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MARTYT thank you. To be honest i think iv been really lucky to have the family i have and the friends who support me through it all. iv learned that the best way to deal with things is be open with people about ur situation. many people have said things in the past and put their foot in it with me but because iv always been willing to talk about what happned with my dad the situation becomes far less painful and embarrassing because the person who said it knows im not goin to burst into tears. so thats the first thing always be prepared for people to put their foot in it and dont overreact when they do.

i think the thing that surprised me most was how people all react so differently in these situations. some people really are true friends and are always there for you to talk too and some hate discussing it because they feel uncomfortable and so go out of their way to ignore it. that is somehting that over time i have learned to ignore but i must admit to letting it get to me in the beggining. the trouble is many people are lucky enough to never have had to go through situations like many of us are in and so have nothing to compare our problems to. i will still always get irratated by people who tell me they undertsand how im feeling when they dont have a clue!!!!

talking is the best thing you can do remeber all the things the person did that made you laugh and cry and something i found that has really helped me is keeping a diary. i write in it whenever i feel like it and it gives me such a release to be able to say whatever i want without worrying about who it will hurt.

one really important thing to learn is that people can be really unsympathetic and hurtful- usually these are the peopleyou would least expect- these people are not worth wasting time and tears over they will get what is coming to them later on.

finally i would say never apologise to anyone for the way u are feeling. i used to feel guilty for always going on about my dad to my friends but then i realised that i have to talk about him because then i can keep my memories of him alive. our memories can keep us going on days when we feel really low so never feel guilty for going on about them.

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