Back To Work

[Scotty]

This is going to be a lot tougher than I imagined. Started back to work last week and barely making it through. Kate used to work there too and I knew it was going to be hard, but not sure if I can do this or not. Friends at work try to be supportive, but if you haven't been through this, its hard to know what to say or do. I used to look forward to the shift ending and heading home. Now, I dont want to be there, but I dont want to go back to an empty house. Last few years I've become disenchanted with the work place, but it didnt matter, I had an excellent home life. Now I dont have either.

Dont ever remember being this scared or such a feeling of being alone before.

.....Scotty

[karenb]

You know, Scotty, feeling scared and alone is really tough. We've all been there and it's no fun at all. Try to muster your way through it....you'll make it. It just takes a darn long time to get used to this "new" life. Maybe you can think of getting a pet or something to take care of - that might help some. Who knows? It's just hard and I'm sorry you're having a tough time. Hang in there. You'll be okay. Keep letting us now how it's going. There's always someone here to listen.

Your friend, Karen

[DesertBob]

The first time is the hardest, Scotty ... almost without fail when some kind of routine establishes itself, it will get significantly less difficult.

You are also fighting a war within your mind between the need to remember and honor your wife's life, and the need to move on. That battle will be harder in a situation you used to share with her, but it is still not impossible. It just seems like it [sigh].

Hang in there,

--Bob

This is going to be a lot tougher than I imagined. Started back to work last week and barely making it through. Kate used to work there too and I knew it was going to be hard, but not sure if I can do this or not.

[Scotty]

Thanks Karen and Bob

Moving on is a tough one. At this point I dont see a way how to, or even if I want to. Still doing the one day at a time thing, but each day seems to be getting harder and harder.

There's a few details I still have to wait for and attend to. I cant even inter Kates' ashes til the end of next month when the snow finally goes, our headstone to be delivered sometime at the end of May. A lawyers appoinment in 2 weeks to change my will, have Kates' name removed from the house, etc.

I've almost finished all the home renovations I'm qualified to do. Have contractors coming in next week to redo the kitchen.

Once all this stuff is in order, I'm going to assess my situation and see where I stand. Something Kate knew and I'm beginning to understand is I dont do very well alone.

....Scotty

[Guest moparlicious]

Scotty,

My dear friend,I am proud of you for going back to work, it must be very hard for you!!! You did the right thing!!!! We are all here to support you and help you in any way we can!!!! Thanks for your posts, you have helped me through some really rough days, as 3 more are coming Easter, Dan's birthday and our anniversary, but I am trying to remain strong and will get through it.You have made a big accomplishment and your precious Kate is smiling down on you for the strength you have and have to offer. With love and concern, Kim

P.s. I know what you mean about moving on,I am at 7 months myself and it does seem like it gets harder and harder, but somehow we keep going. I feel the same as you, what"s the point and why's the point of going on, trying to figure it out, I am here for you as many people are on this site. All the people on here are a blessing to me and I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Kim

[Scotty]

Thanks Kim,

Your words of encouragement and support are meaningful. I feel like an autonomous robot, just going through the motions.

I'm still amazed at the similarities we all share. There is some comfort in knowing we are not totally alone.

Your "firsts" sre coming before mine. I have til Sept. to worry about her birthday and anniversary. I'm not looking forward to those either but we will get through them I guess.

I'm working nights shifts through this Easter weekend. Thankful for that, at least it will come and go a bit more quickly. Occupational hazard is working through a lot of the holidays. Kate and I would celebrate them when our schedules allowed. Now I think I'll bypass them all together.

Anyways, I'm rambling.

Take care

.......Scotty

[Guest moparlicious]

Scotty,

Thinking of you today and hope you had a o.k. day. I went to my mother in laws house and that was the first time since my precious Dan died. It was really hard and his parents knew and kept asking if I was o.k. I lied to them to make it through the day. She made it really special for the kids, well they are 20. 19 and 16, not kids, but...... I checked your profile and your lovely Kate was young as well. You are 6 years older than me and I feel your pain, anytime you need to talk or anything let me know, I have found so many amazing, gracious, outstanding people on here and I feel so blessed for that. I did try some support groups and they just are not for me, it does not feel right for me,but some people it does. Let me know how your week goes. Tues is Dan's birthday and we are tying a note to 2 yellow (his favorite color) balloons and letting them go to him. Take care of yourself, Kim