cathycnyrs Posted April 8, 2008 Report Share Posted April 8, 2008 I've been reading a lot of the posts and wish I had came here months ago. I've also heard the get over it. I HAD a friend at work that had the nerve to say that a few months ago the day I had a panic attack at work. My Dad was 72 in great health. He walked a mile or two almost everyday. He had been working on my car that week and couldn't figure out what was going on with it, and we finally took it to a mechanic two days before IT happened. He also cut my grass that week. I was a 41 year old Daddy's girl. My parents keep my daughter who is 11 when school is out. It happened on a Saturday. I'm a mail carrier and I dropped her off at their house at 7:30 am. The night before I was at the hospital with my ex and my daughter, his great aunt had had a stroke and was not expected to make it. That woman was like a grandmother to me for many years, she was 87. I had cried on the way to work. I had went outside to smoke with a co-worker at about 9am and was crying then. I went back to case mail and was inside my case for about 2 minutes when the phone rang... and I knew what the call was... I had dreamed this phone call several times over the past year. It was my mother who never called me in the office, especially never in the morning. It was 9:14 am. She said, I hate to tell you like this but I think your Daddy's dead. I said have you called 911? She said, yes they are on their way... you need to get here Valerie (my daughter) is still asleep, you have got to get here and then she asked me to call my sister and I said I can't and I took off running through the post office with 50 or so people looking on. I was screaming and shaking and slid on my knees into my bosses lap. I was hysterical and I don't remember alot of it. I kept screaming I can't drive someone has to take me and a supervisor did take me to the house and I knew that it was true. I called my sister in the car and she didn't answer and called back moments later screaming. I got to the house and we had to park 1/2 way down the drive and I ran 200 feet to the ambulance and looked inside. A police officer met me at the door and said he was still warm and they were doing CPR. I knew he was gone. My mother was worried about my daughter and wanted to keep her asleep and she was asleep in the room across from him and I could see his feet from the door. I opened the door and she asked what was going on and I told her the paramedics were there doing CPR. I took her our of the room where she wouldn't see his feet and by the time we came back into the livingroom my sister and her kids were standing there lined up. I walked outside and then the fireman called us in and said they would be stopping CPR (I was petrified we were fixing to drive to the hospital and he was gone... I knew that... in my heart I knew). My sister freaked, me and my mother said ok and we had to explain to her he was gone. They probably worked him about an hour and a half, although I lost sense of time. This is what I relive over and over again. Mainly the phone call at the office and me losing it. I don't think I've ever lost it in my lifetime. It is the time I don't remember that haunts me and as time passes I remember little things, like a co-worker kneeled behind me rubbing my back or seeing a face on the way out the door. I'm on anti-depressants and not quite so weepy, however I want to spend days off in bed. I want to hybernate. My mother is doing better than I would have thought. I have a new sense of responsibility to her now. We are getting along for the first time in my life. She says we've always fought so much because we are so much alike. Me and my Dad only argued about my attitude towards her. I have great friends. The "friend" that said get over it... well I have since distanced myself. I'm getting through it. But, I still hurt. My daughter has emotional spurts. He was a Dad to her. She took trips all across the country with my folks and they have helped me raise her. My best friend, I work with... came in the building as they took me out one door she came in another and someone told her my Dad died and she said no it is the Aunt. They said no it is her Dad. She pushed the girl and called her a liar, and said he was at my house yesterday. Then she turned and saw another friend of mine crying and she fainted. My boss got her out of there and convinced her to go to me. We had traded car keys (long story) and I had my Dad's car... she fell apart again knowing she was going to have to drive his car. She saw all of the emergency personell and called me from the end of the driveway and it was at the exact moment that the fireman said they were going to stop CPR and I clicked the phone and hung up on her. I did call her as soon as I could and she had driven home. SHe came back and took my daughter for a little while. The night before this happened. I had called my Dad at 9:05 to tell him about the Aunt and ask if he and my mother would come to the funeral with me (being on the inlaw side) and he said, she may be ok. I said she will either die or be a vegetable. He said, she would want that and of course they would go and we talked an hour. My sister called five minutes after I did and talked to him an hour. The next few days my mother and I kept saying, she can't die (the Aunt) until we get Daddy buried. She waited til the next Thursday. I saw her grow old though. I never really saw my Dad grow old. Sometimes I think I haven't had time to really grieve her because of my Dad dying at that moment. My daughter lost two very important people that week. It's been 7 months, sometimes it is like yesterday and sometimes it feels like longer. My emotions have traveled places I never knew they could go. I'm comforted reading these posts and knowing I'm not the only one feeling these feelings and hurting the way I am. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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