Anxiety

[Deb]

My husband practically dragged me out to the doctor's office. I couldn't go to sleep at all, my shoulders and chest would get tight when I tried to lay down to sleep. I felt like I could not breathe. (even though I WAS breathing) When I did go to sleep I would wake up an hour or two later and the whole process would start over.

The dr. put me on anti anxiety and sleeping pills, I have to go back to check in with her soon. I don't feel that the sleeping pills put me to sleep, although I stay asleep now. I am getting 6 hours now instead of 3 so I guess that is an improvement. At least I don't feel like I am suffocating at night anymore.

I am MUCH more weepy now about my grandfather, I don't know if this makes sense but it was almost like the feeling was too strong for me to feel, or maybe that I was not sleeping so I couldn't process my grief.

I still cry at family gatherings. It makes me just feel my loss more deeply. I want to be done with this now.

[leeann]

((((Deb))))

I'm real glad you went to the Doc's and glad your hub was so supportive.

I had a similiar reaction with this most recent significant loss. Although I had no idea it was anxiety. lol

No sleeping... inner racing going on and I called my Doc. My BP was high and that was while already taking high BP meds and my pulse wouldn't come down below 100 no matter what relaxation technique I used.

The Doc put me on anti-anxiety meds and sleeping pills for approx. two months. He said what I was feeling was classic anxiety and kinda normal for what I experienced. I checked back in with him after a month and he thought I could use another month on the meds. I did use them for about half of the following month. But was feeling much better and decided to try without them and did pretty good.

They allowed me to function and get more sleep. The racing inside stopped, pulse & BP came back down and the meds really did help me cope. I mean I could actually put two thoughts together for a change! Before that I had all these racing thoughts and zero attention span. So the meds had their place in my recovery and healing as they do I guess for many people.

The increase in weepiness is probably actually a good sign for you. Expressing grief is hard.. especially when we walk around all day in a society that barely acknowledges loss and wants to rush us through it.

It, the expression of grief, feels lousy though doesn't it? But I found letting the grief wash over me, which is kinda hard, actually made me feel better in the long run. So now.. I let the tears come and try not to judge them. I feel the pain instead of trying to prevent it.

I think I kept on wanting myself to "be over it" and "done with it" and I found that is an unrealistic expectation for me. I found the harder I fought against expressing the grief.. the worse I felt. So now.. sure I well up at the drop of a hat and yeah family get-togethers are very hard sometimes. I know this won't last forever but I also know if I don't allow myself to feel the pain now.. it will indeed come back to haunt me later.

And yes it does make sense that the emotions were too strong to feel. I definitely get that and have felt that way myself. It can be overwhelming.

I also understand the havoc that sleep deprivation can bring. That, I find, is insidious and can get into every nook & cranny of my life. So sleep is important for me.

I'm hoping you continue to get better sleep and to go with your feelings.

Keep us posted on how you are getting along.

leeann