I Lost Both My Mother And Father Within 1 Year

[Cristina]

I am only 27 yrs old and have lost both my Mom and Dad. My Father passed away in August of 2006 (he was only 59 yrs. old)...he was diagnosed with a rare heart condition when I was in 5th grade. However, he was able to live a normal life. In November 2002, he was placed on the heart transplant waiting list but just didn't make it to that day. He passed away suddenly while on vacation with my Mom. I still feel like I never got a chance to say goodbye.

My Mother passed away in August of 2007 (she was only 58 yrs old), she was diagnosed with Stage 4 Lung Cancer in February 2004 (she never smoked in life, nor was she around 2nd hand smoke). In April 2007 the cancer spread to her brain and she hung on until August. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to face, in last last couple of months my Mother had no idea who I was...

It has all happened so fast and I never imagined my life with out my parents. Does it get any better, does life go on...who do I have to be proud of my accomplishments? I am not married...how can I have a wedding without Parents? I do not have children yet, how do you have children without your own parents to guide you? It doesn't seem like anyone can relate...I just feel so alone. Sometimes I feel as though I think about my own mortality because of all the loss I have suffered in my life. I miss them so very much!

[leeann]

Oh Cristina ((((hugs)))) for you hon.

I'm so sorry for the loss of both of your parents, so close together and you so young still. This must be so very difficult. I don't think anyone imagines that something like this could happen to them.

Yes it will indeed get better, your life will definitely go on.

But grief takes time and attention and believe it or not.. work.

And you will be very sad for a bit.

I know it seems like it has already been awhile.. but.. it really hasn't been all that long.

I have found that over time, eventually had a decent day and then maybe a a string of bad ones. But after a while... there are more better days than worst days. It is just a slow process and I must remember to be patient with myself and not judge my grief or compare it to others' grief. I have to be bold and fearless and let it wash over me... let the tears fall when I need to because I found the harder I fight against them.. the worse I feel.

Yes it must be quite appalling to you that they will not physically be with you at future milestones in your life. But I believe that my folks are still with me and always will be. But I too miss the tangibles... the chats, the hugs etc. I will always miss those. But I know their love survives and that I am really never truly alone.

I have found though when I needed advice or help that I normally would have gone to my parents for... somehow.. someone appears to help me out just when I need it the most. And I pray that you find that as well.

Cristina do you have any siblings or Aunts or Uncles around or perhaps even friends of your parents? Going to them for some help might be something to consider. I know.. it isn't the same as Mom or Dad being there... but it would be someone who knew them and knows you pretty well. They could be a comfort to you.

Please feel free to share here or vent or whatever. This is a kind and caring place and I have felt very comforted here. You are waaay not alone here!

leeann

[MariahC]

Hi Christina,

I'm sorry about the losses of your mother and father. It's difficult at any time, but I believe even more so when you're young. I'm two years older than you, so I can identify with some of the things you've said. I lost my dad around 8 weeks ago and although I still have my mother, she is mentally ill, so losing dad feels like the loss of both parents.

Like you, I'm not married yet and have no children. It's difficult to contemplate these things now that the people we love are no longer physically here to share these experiences with us.

If you have other elder family members, I'd suggest trying to keep in close contact with them. When we lose our loved ones, one reaction is to isolate ourselves, but this only makes our grief more painful. Do you have any siblings?

I wonder if you've been able to speak with anyone about how you're feeling? I'm seeing a counselor at the moment, which does help somewhat. Perhaps, seeing a bereavement counselor might help you also.

[STARKISS]

Hi Cristina,

I am so sorry about the losses of your parents I can not even imagine what it must be like for you... I was forty when both my parents past away... Even than I was a total basket case.... My mom died while we on vacation in Las Vegas of complications of diabetes... Which my dad and I did not know she had... And being from Canada it was so very different down there in the hospitals than up here... My dad died four months later of stage 4 non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma which we were told he had sooner than we his family found out... So both of the deaths were big shocks because we did not know either parent was so sick.... I will keep you in my prayers and ask God to give you strength to make it through this grief road trip you have started... Shelley

[shauna marie]

My heart goes out to you, Cristina.

Our stories are quite similar, sadly. Difference is I lost my parents in 20 months, not under a year. My parents were actually younger when they died, too.

Does life go on? It does, but please, don't pressure yourself too hard. It isn't easy by any means. All of a sudden, you don't have just one set of anniversaries to deal with, but two. You don't have one illness to deal with, but rather two. I also imagine you didn't have a chance to really grieve your father since your mother was so ill and so her death probably just opened a floodgate.

Can you get married? Funny, I remember the day of my father's funeral and was thinking that I was walking him down the aisle when it should have been the other way around. I couldn't do weddings for over two years and even watching a wedding on tv made me cry. Will I marry? Well, first I need to find someone to marry. lol When I do, if I'm ready, I will. If not, that's ok. Perhaps if I wanted it official I'd do it in a court. Perhaps if I did it in a church, I could find a way to honor them, such as putting their wedding picture on the program. I could walk down the aisle alone, or find someone who isn't related to me to do so. That way, I don't have to remember that I'm having someone second best.

Your parents are still with you. My way of knowing that mine are with me is with the weather. There was a huge snowstorm that started day the day my dad died and only ended the night of his funeral. The day my mom died it was sunshowers the WHOLE day. I remember being in FL this time last year upset because it didn't rain the whole time. Not 20 minutes later did the sky suddently erupt with raindrops, lightning, and thunder. I was like, wow. Fifteen minutes later it got sunny. They are still with me and that makes me happy.

Take care,

Shauna