JoeA Posted May 6, 2008 Report Share Posted May 6, 2008 Since my wife died 7 weeks ago I've spent all my time over in the group for those who lost a spouse. However, I have two kids - sure they're adults now but they're still hurting - and Mothers Day is coming. I have no idea what to do for them. I know many of you are in the position my kids are in - can anyone help me with this? Thanks,- Joe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shauna marie Posted May 7, 2008 Report Share Posted May 7, 2008 My heart goes out to you, Joe.Have you asked your kids what they would like to do?They may or may not want to celebrate the day. And should they choose to not celebrate it, it's ok. I didn't celebrate my first Christmas without both parents. The way I looked at it, I had 25 wonderful Christmases with them, it was ok to not celebrate it that year.Perhaps the three of you would like to create something in her memory, together, like a garden. Or send off balloons. But let them decide. I don't think at seven weeks I'd want to do anything; it would just be too painful. And that is ok. You could always do something special for them, perhaps write a letter to each of them reminding them of their mother's love and talk about the joy she felt when each was born, etc. I have to admit, I don't do much for my mother on Mother's Day, but that is because I always include her when I can. When I went to FL, I bought the gaudiest shoes that I know she would have had 10 pairs of in every color. I also bought her an angel while I was there, it was one of my very first American purchases. My Christmas tree has angels on it for her. And I make an effort to sing each day. I also pray that my downstairs neighbor can't hear me. Take care,Shauna Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeA Posted May 7, 2008 Author Report Share Posted May 7, 2008 Shauna -Thank you. You have some good ideas, but the best is the most obvious. I called my daughter and asked her. She said if I am with her that's all she wants or needs. So that's where I'll be (she lives about 400 miles from me now). My son lives close to her, so we will all be together, and we will make it through the weekend. My 60th birthday is the day before Mothers Day this year. Never dreamed I'd spend it without my dearest Kathleen (Kathleen Marie, by the way).The info on your message says you live in Nova Scotia. My wife and I tried twice to take a long vacation there, but her health problems prevented us going in 2004 and again in 2006. I would still like to see NS, but I don't know if I could do it now.Thanks again,Peace,- Joe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shauna marie Posted May 7, 2008 Report Share Posted May 7, 2008 Joe,That's sweet of you to travel so far to be with your children during this difficult time. I know you need them as much as they need you and it's good that the three of you will be together.It's hard to deal with every single thing. The mind numbness is one of the "side effects" and that will take a while to overcome. NS is beautiful. I'm sorry that you and your wife were unable to take a trip here during her life. But perhaps that is something that you can possibly think about doing some time later in the future. Perhaps even bring a part of her here and leave it, sort of as a symbolism. Bodies die, but people don't. And sometimes you have to do what others would have wanted to do, but were unable to do, sort of as an obligation. That isn't something you have to think about right now, you can put that on the back burner for now.Have a gentle birthday. The only thing that I can suggest is to include your wife, if possible. Kathleen is a beautiful name.Shauna Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leeann Posted May 7, 2008 Report Share Posted May 7, 2008 Joe,So sorry about the loss of your beloved.I think it will great for all of you to be together. It probably will be tough for all of you at times.. but my sincere hope for you all is that the tough moments are made a bit easier by being together.I wish you a blessed Birthday celebration with your kids. And I bet your beloved will indeed be celebrating with you and watching over all of you.Safe trip Joe!leeann Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeA Posted May 7, 2008 Author Report Share Posted May 7, 2008 Thank you leeann and Shauna, for the kind thoughts. Everyone here is so caring and gentle. I'm so glad I found this place. Peace to both of you this week too, and always.- Joe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leeann Posted May 7, 2008 Report Share Posted May 7, 2008 And Peace to you too Joe. You are an awesome Dad.leeann Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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